Wedding Woes

DTMFA

Dear Prudence,

I am a vegan for a variety of reasons. I don’t preach and often find it easier to bring my own food rather than pick at my hosts for what goes into a meal. My boyfriend was invited to a family summer gathering. It was very isolated and rural. I explained I was bringing my own food (his father and brother made special vegan jokes to me before). What happened was the kids raided my food (it was in my pack) when the pantry snacks got locked up. I’d brought enough food for me for five days; they went through everything in five hours! I got upset, and it was just a big joke to everyone.  Then it seemed to become a game. If I set aside some peanut butter and celery, someone would eat it. Same for the oranges I put aside for breakfast (I got offered cereal and milk instead). I tried to get my boyfriend to drive me to a grocery store, and he told me it would take more than two hours one way and to lighten up. By the time I left, I wanted to cry. My boyfriend and I have been fighting about it. He tells me I was overreacting and it wasn’t like I’d starve out there. Is he right? We’ve been together for nine months and talking about moving in together. I am having doubts.

—Vegan Vacation

Re: DTMFA

  • Casadena said:

    Dear Prudence,

    I am a vegan for a variety of reasons. I don’t preach and often find it easier to bring my own food rather than pick at my hosts for what goes into a meal. My boyfriend was invited to a family summer gathering. It was very isolated and rural. I explained I was bringing my own food (his father and brother made special vegan jokes to me before). What happened was the kids raided my food (it was in my pack) when the pantry snacks got locked up. I’d brought enough food for me for five days; they went through everything in five hours! I got upset, and it was just a big joke to everyone.  Then it seemed to become a game. If I set aside some peanut butter and celery, someone would eat it. Same for the oranges I put aside for breakfast (I got offered cereal and milk instead). I tried to get my boyfriend to drive me to a grocery store, and he told me it would take more than two hours one way and to lighten up. By the time I left, I wanted to cry. My boyfriend and I have been fighting about it. He tells me I was overreacting and it wasn’t like I’d starve out there. Is he right? We’ve been together for nine months and talking about moving in together. I am having doubts.

    —Vegan Vacation

    Your family stole from me, thought it was funny and when I asked you to help remedy the situation so I could replace the lost food OUT OF MY OWN EXPENSE your decided that helping me took too much time.

    Tell me - where am I wrong?  Because from where I sit you think stealing is amusing and teasing someone about their ethics is acceptable.  

    If he doesn't come around then run, do not walk away. 

    FWIW I'd have ended it before that conversation and would be clear to say, "I'm not going near your asshole family after last time." 
  • Those children went through LW's personal belongings to steal food.  If I found out someone's children went through my belongings, even if they didn't steal that kid would be hearing it from me and I would expect their parents to discipline them.  Just from that alone, that's a problem.  Then a whole host of other problems occurred .... can you imagine if LW had a food allergy and the family treated them like this?  This is insane.  Who are these people?

  • Dump him immediately. If he acts like this now when you've only been together for a few months, it's only going to get worse. 
  • Petty revenge.

    I'd wait until the snack pantry was unlocked again.  Take all the food out of it and throw it away.  OR take all those thieving kids on a picnic and let them gorge out on chips, cookies, and candy bars.  Send them back to their parents hyped up and with tummy aches.

    Okay, I wouldn't actually do any of that.  But I would want to.

    I wouldn't have had sex with my b/f for that whole week, due to be too weak from hungry.  And because I was dumping his ass when we got home.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Leave. He doesn’t respect you, your food choices, or see you as worth standing up for. GTFO. 
  • The disrespect factor - do not continue with this relationship LW!  

    It wasn't okay on so many levels what was done, the LW did things entirely right, the rest in that entire group were complete AH...  There's a woefully different takeaway between someone chiding about a lifestyle choice and what happened to LW with them ransacking LW's food leaving them with 4.5 days of no real sustainable food when they'd prepared and packed enough to cover their own dietary needs for the duration of the trip trip plus snacks...  Then for the BF to say "no" to getting in the car to remedy the food situation to any extent possible, GTFO...
  • Yes LW, this is a sign how he treats you, and it won’t get any better.  Cut your losses

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