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Wedding Woes

Start dating!

Dear Prudence,

Lately, I have been feeling strangely strong feelings for wanting to be in love. I have been single most of my adult life, somewhat by choice. Earlier this year, I broke up with a long-term boyfriend. It wasn’t sad, I just didn’t see a future with him. Part of that was because I had developed long COVID and had gotten another major medical diagnosis. It has taken a long time, but I finally found a good doctor and am slowly recovering. My ex was not supportive. When I broke up with him, I was relieved to be able to focus on my health and try to build the life that I want. I am still not where I want to be. I realized I want a different career and want to move but won’t be able to until I get my health issues resolved, which will most likely not be for another six to 12 months. For the time being, I’m working on my health, networking for new positions, and trying new hobbies.

A couple of weeks ago, I was suddenly hit with the overwhelming desire to be in love, deep love. Not just date, but find someone who just makes you incredibly happy. I’ve never felt like that nor have I ever had a relationship like that. I don’t know where this is coming from. Every night, I keep having dreams about being in very romantic relationships and it’s a little unnerving. It’s not like there is anybody I feel a strong connection with. It’s also not a good time, as I am barely well enough to do the things I’m doing now and I am actively trying to move. I’m in my late-30s and after my last breakup, the idea of being single my entire life started to seem nice. I feel really out of sorts here. Do you think I should try dating and maybe stop trying so many hobbies? Should I just wait until I move? What do you think?

—Lingering Love

Re: Start dating!

  • You should try dating. It doesn’t commit you to not focusing on your health or not moving. Also- it’s hard to find that deep love without being open to meeting and dating people. 
  • I'm not sure dating right now is the best choice for the LW.  They are specifically looking for a serious relationship and a deep love, but are going to be moving within the year.

    If they know where they are moving to, a great situation would be finding someone they are romantically interested in there and have an LDR until they move.  But that's easier said than done because most people won't want to start an LDR.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Start to date but FFS, take it SLOW!  
  • Trying dating doesn’t need to mean giving up
    Your hobbies 
  • Take some time to see if this feeling passes.  We all go through phases of this, but I think LW has enough on her plate that what she's looking for + her life situations, aren't compatible right now.
  • This sounds like your mid-life crisis. You've spent a lot of time thinking your life would go one way, and now you're strongly considering a very different direction. 

    Date or don't date, but I don't really think that's what this is about. This sounds more to me like an opportunity to figure out what you really want out of life. 
  • Sure, start dating.  But come back to me, Lingering Love, and we can start a “single4life” club once you realize it’s a jungle out there and it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be.  
    Signed,
    -not bitter but also very bitter
    (sorry this was to soon for me lol)

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