You've tried, but this is for her parents to handle now.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I love my 12-year-old stepdaughter “Stella,” but she would lose her head if it wasn’t attached to her head. She is constantly losing items or forgetting them or misplacing them. Despite living only 10 minutes away from her mother, it is always a struggle to hand Stella over because something she has to have gets left behind. We tried lists and alerts on her phone but short of packing everything for Stella ourselves, something ends up lost. Right now, Stella and my own two daughters have a mild obsession with the seasonal tumblers from Starbucks. They take them everywhere, but unless I literally carry it for Stella she loses it. Even on sale, they are expensive. After Stella managed to lose three over the course of one weekend, I hit my limit.

I bought a huge supply of bottled water and put it in the fridge for Stella. She can take that when we go out. Stella is embarrassed by this and complains to her mom. Her mother accused my husband and me of “favoring” my girls over Stella. At this I told my husband that unless her mother buys the tumblers for Stella, it is over with. I love Stella but this has gotten ridiculous. Is there any other way?

—Forget

banana468

Be clear to Stella that you're not replacing the tumbler with your own money.

Does she have an option to work for it?  There's currently a Hydroflask MIA that used to belong to Chiquita.  She knows she's not getting another one without paying for it herself.  DH doesn't want to buy one and I don't agree with it entirely - but it won't be financed by us that's for sure. 

mrsconn23

Do. Not. Let. Stella. Triangulate. This. Situation. 

Also, make your H deal with his ex and explain to her why both of you are holding her accountable for losing property.  If he won't do that, you have a husband problem.  

And from here on out, make the stand that everyone gets one of whatever (if you're buying in triplicate), and if it gets lost, they don't get a replacement or use anyone else's. (Because it sounds like Stella lost hers and LW's kid's tumblers) Start labeling stuff.   

charlotte989875

Have your husband deal with Stella’s mom, but don’t keep buying tumblers that are quickly being treated as disposable. If her mom wants to supply them at your house that’s up to her, but you don’t have to! 

levioosa

I think Stella has undiagnosed adhd. 

flantastic

levioosa said:

I think Stella has undiagnosed adhd. 

Yep, this. The consequence of not having one unless she remembers to bring it home may make it adequately important for her to be able to remember it. But maybe not always.

MyNameIsNot

levioosa said:

I think Stella has undiagnosed adhd. 

I came here to say this. 

Since this is such a pattern, it sounds like Stella would benefit a lot more from some tools to help her keep up with her possessions in the first place. All the adults here are missing the forest for the trees.