Dear Prudence,
Toward the end of last year, my devoutly Catholic mother told me that she would have to cut ties completely if I did not marry my partner of 17 years because we were “living in sin” and “an abomination before God.” As you might imagine, this was just the latest in a lifetime of melodrama, so I rolled my eyes, expressed my regret at her decision, and wished her well. We have not spoken since and, quite frankly, it’s been delightful. There’s just one small problem, what she and all but a handful of others don’t know is that my partner and I have been married for 11 years. We eloped and didn’t tell her because, well, she’s the kind of person who delivers melodramatic ultimatums.
My oldest sister, who is in the know, wants me to tell my mother that we’re married and reconcile, not least because she doesn’t want to be the sole caregiver for an emotional vampire in failing health but also because she thinks I am being cruel to a damaged woman in her 80s. Am I? Is there a way to preserve my relationship with a sister I love without having to surrender to the manipulative monster who raised me? I’m on the fence as to whether it is worth it.
—Not Living in Sin But Glad To