Six YEARS?! DTMFA

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend and I have been together for six years and our relationship has always been WORK. Although he is very thoughtful and intelligent, he is very critical of me. He often takes issue with my looks, the way I communicate, my weight, the things I like, etc. He will get into weird moods and confess that he doesn’t like an outfit I am wearing or is bothered by something that I did or said. It pains me that just being me causes him such distress. He is also always trying to tell me what to do, which is the biggest red flag for me. We have gone to counseling and have worked to improve our relationship, but our progress is minimal. I tolerate the mistreatment because ultimately he is a good man and our minimal progress is still progress.

—Should I Stay or Should I Go?

banana468

Relationships have SOME work - not ALL work.  Get out of this one-sided fiasco now. 

Casadena

GO

STARMOON44

He’s a bad man who abuses you. 

mrsconn23

The narrative that relationships are 'work' is so freaking frustrating.  They're not work, they're a choice you make every day.  You choose to love, respect, help, collaborate, strive, take care of, etc. your partner.  And yes, there will be imbalances from time to time, but in a good relationship, you know when the give and take, push and pull needs to go in one direction or the other and you know how to get it back to the balance.  And yes, you can feel from time to time that you don't 'feel like' doing the partner stuff and it can feel like work, but those times should be rare and fleeting. 

Anyway, LW the only work you've been doing is trying to get him to not be mean to you.  He's not done shit and is abusive.  GFTO.  

Also, I wish Prudie would have identified this as abuse in their response and advised of orgs that could help LW in leaving.  Just because he hasn't been physical doesn't mean he won't be when LW leaves him.  

CharmedPam

(Anyone else sing this in your head?)

Go.

charlotte989875

He’s not a great man if he’s treating you like this. 

levioosa

Did my past self write this letter?

Get out LW. You’ll be so much happier. Being single is so much better than what this is. 

downtondiva

He doesn't even seem to like you and takes every opportunity to make you feel bad about yourself. And he certainly doesn't sound like such a good man to me. 

This isn't going to get better after all these years, LW. Find a way to get out of this relationship and away from him. Please don't wait any longer.

short+sassy

It's sad the LW has stayed even this long.  They sound miserable and that is no way to live.

The LW is blaming herself at least to some extent, but he's the kind of guy who would be hyper critical of any woman he is dating.

He has to change that entire aspect of his personality but to have any chance for success, he has to be very motivated to want to change.  To give him slight credit, he's made an effort.  But if it's minimal progress then it's been minimal effort and that is not good enough.

MyNameIsNot

I'm a huge fan of counseling, but this is an example of why it isn't always the right choice. The abuser can manipulate the victim, and they can manipulate counseling.