TW: infant loss
Dear Prudence,
I learned to quilt from my aunt, and I treasure every moment we had together doing it. My adult stepdaughter has always been very distant despite all of my efforts, so when she announced her pregnancy, I thought a baby quilt would be the perfect gift and I even contacted her mother-in-law to see if she had any old clothes from her son. Sadly, there had been a fire at her childhood home and it burned to the ground. My husband and his then-wife had to replace everything. I did include what I thought was her favorite animal since she has dozens of them as decor. I gave it to her at the baby shower and explained the meaning behind the work. Everyone there loved it and told me how thoughtful it was.
Well, a few weeks later, my stepdaughter sent me an email lambasting me for quilting. I went “behind her back” by contacting her mother-in-law, I had no sense of boundaries because I should have asked her if she even wanted a quilt from me, and I obviously don’t know her at all if I thought the animal I put on the quilt was her favorite. I was very hurt and apologized to her for the sake of my husband and asked for the quilt back. I ended up donating it to a church raffle. Then the worst happened: The baby was stillborn. My stepdaughter asked for the quilt back so the baby could be buried with it. When I told her it was gone, she exploded. It was so bad, I didn’t attend the funeral out of fear of provoking a scene.
This was several years ago. I have genuinely tried to move on and just leave the relationship alone. Only she is pregnant again and I am getting pressure from my husband to make her another quilt. The thought turns my stomach. I have never done anything to earn her ire, other than marry her father after her mother died. And they had been divorced for a long time. It took me a good long while to even quilt again.
—Quitting Quilts