In lieu of Prudie, a what would you do, featuring me, I guess the villain in the Prudie letters?
I can handle if you call me a huge AH, maybe I am one. Let me know.
In late Sept a local mom was diagnosed with cancer. I know her vaguely and signed up for her family's meal train, I've been dropping off dinner once each week. Her oldest two kids are the same ages as mine, they've never been in the same classes but know of each other casually through things like soccer clinics, grade-wide field trips, etc. A few weeks ago the mom texted me saying an appointment was running late, could her oldest daughter ride the bus home with my kids and stay with us for a couple of hours, I said yes of course.
Since then she's sent her daughter home with my kids eight times, most recently yesterday. There's always a text, "tag ur it!" late in the day, around when I am getting home from work, and poof, I've acquired an extra kid. We're fairly busy after school, so far the daughter has accompanied us to boy scouts, the waiting room in the counseling office, the pool for swim team tryouts, soccer, softball, the grocery store for a quick last minute item. Mom acquaintance says that's fine, her daughter can go along for the ride, but it can't be a ton of fun? My kids just fit in the back of my car (Honda CRV) with their booster seats and three seat belts, when she’s with us I take out the boosters and they go two to a seatbelt, which isn’t ideal.
Making it trickier (and maybe it makes me an even bigger AH than you already thought^) is the daughter is autistic. My kids have gotten to the age where they don't need me facilitating play dates or watching them play. The daughter does require adult supervision at all times. She has a lot of food sensitivities that I'm often not prepared for since her visits are last minute, so she kind of just runs around when we sit for dinner. She tore the house apart 3x during the time of day when the kids are sitting at the kitchen table doing their homework while I help them/make dinner and kids were annoyed at me for making them help clean up.
What is irksome is the mom acquaintance has taken to texting me saying that her daughter says my younger DD is her best friend, this is so great, lets foster this friendship, they're inseparable at school, they should be inseparable outside of school, etc. I don't doubt that the daughter feels like DD is her best friend, but I know for a fact that they are in different classes and have different lunch and recess periods and don't spend time together at school, so I don't love the exaggerations. Mom acquaintance has a husband with good FMLA, a retired-but-in-good-health mother who lives locally, and a baby-sitter (all things she has told me). If she didn't have help I would be more willing but at this point it’s play dates and socialization she’s wanting. My kids don’t even get play dates with their chosen friends as often as they’d like, much less three weekdays per week.
I'm trying to raise my kids to be aware and accepting of neurodiversity / tolerant of all, so I obviously feel like a huge hypocrite. Do I suck up and let it continue? Set a boundary? If so, what kind of boundary? Maybe one playdate per month? Or even a set day each week where she can come back with us? The daughter does not get homework and isn’t in activities, so afternoons look different from my kids’, but I could work around that? Would love some outside perspective. And again, I can handle if you think I’m awful, as I don’t have cancer and am not putting myself in the mom acquaintance’s shoes.