I'd speak up once, then go with majority

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

I am a materialistic weasel. There’s no other way to say it. I enjoy giving birthday and Christmas gifts, and I enjoy getting them. These are the only two time a year when someone does something for me, instead of the other way around. And now my brother is talking about “only doing gifts for kids” and “donations in lieu of gifts.” I don’t want to! I don’t have children to receive gifts and frankly I like the idea that just twice a year someone is doing something nice for me, instead of the other way around the other 363. How can I gracefully say I prefer to keep giving and getting? We’re a small family, less than 10 people. I’m the one who makes the effort to travel to them for Christmas every year, and I know it sounds awful but is it really that hard for them to make some effort on the gifts? I already do plenty of charitable giving throughout the year and frankly, I like being able to open something on Christmas. Thoughts?

—A Materialistic Weasel

charlotte989875

Look I love getting presents too. Maybe I’m materialist but it’s okay, I like what I like. 

That said I would be thrilled if I didn’t have to pick out something for my SILs husband who I have zero in common with. But I do it. 

Why not offer to draw names for Christmas? Then everyone still gets a gift but you all cut down on the number of presents needed? 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

Look I love getting presents too. Maybe I’m materialist but it’s okay, I like what I like. 

That said I would be thrilled if I didn’t have to pick out something for my SILs husband who I have zero in common with. But I do it. 

Why not offer to draw names for Christmas? Then everyone still gets a gift but you all cut down on the number of presents needed? 

I love this suggestion.  Also be clear that "only buying for the kids" is not an equitable solution for the child free.   

STARMOON44

“I love exchanging gifts with y’all and don’t want to switch to just kids getting gifts, that’s not super fun for me as a person with no kids.”


you can just say no without then trying to fix it and provide a solution

short+sassy

STARMOON44 said:

“I love exchanging gifts with y’all and don’t want to switch to just kids getting gifts, that’s not super fun for me as a person with no kids.”


you can just say no without then trying to fix it and provide a solution

That's what I'd say.  Letting them know that is not my preference.

With that said, if it is everyone else's preference, then that might just be the way it is.  The LW can't force people to buy them gifts, but I'd understand being resentful about it.

When it comes to gifts, I don't know why I've had some really horrible luck with boyfriends but I definitely have.  I had two long-term relationships where the guy often skipped giving me a Christmas/Birthday/Valentines Day present.  One of them never gave me one gift over our entire 10-month relationship.  The other guy would take me out to dinner for my birthday and always promise a gift.  But never got me one.  Our third Christmas together, he got me nothing.  Though he would occasionally get me small gfits throughout the year.

Obviously not getting gifts wasn't a deal breaker for me.  But I was resentful.  And when I occasionally remember these guys 20+ years later.  One of the first things I remember is how shitty they were about presents.