Straight women at the gay bar
Dear Prudence,
Lately, my friends and I notice that our local gay bar has been getting more and more straight women showing up. They’re not coming in for us, they’re coming in because they want a fun night out but without the pestilence of unsolicited attention by straight men. It would be fine if they kept to themselves, but when they come in with friends, they get drunk, and then they get loud, and then they get handsy, and suddenly us gays are the ones dealing with the pestilence of unsolicited attention. The gay bar is the one and only gay safe space in my neighborhood. It’s the only one we have. It’s the only place we can go where we know we can safely flirt with other guys and not end up getting stabbed to death in the alley a couple hours later, like happened to my friend John, or beat with a baseball bat like my friend Chris, or set upon by a truckload of homophobes like happened to my friend Michael. It’s our only safe space, and it’s now being invaded by straight women, and the men pursuing them will surely be soon to follow. What’s your advice for how to deal with them?
—Afraid of Losing My Space
Re: Straight women at the gay bar
The club might even get in hot water for blatantly discouraging women to go on their official social media pages. But men who go to the club could certainly complain about it on social media and respectfully ask women to leave the club alone.
My experience with gay clubs is relatively limited for obvious reasons. I don't want to say that his worry about straight men starting to come to the club is unfounded, because maybe it isn't. But that has never been my experience. Straight guys generally speaking don't want to go to gay clubs. Especially the kind of psychopath scum who would hurt a gay man. And there are still plenty of women to hit on at all the other clubs.
For some NOLA party tips. If you walk down Bourbon St. coming from the Canal St. direction, it is many clubs and bars on both sides. Keep walking and at the very end of the "party zone", there are two gay clubs. They have been gay clubs for decades. Women go to them also. Especially when they used to have male strippers on Fri.-Sat. nights. If it's a night of club-hopping, you often just end up there because they're at the end. I can't say nowadays. But back in my clubbing days, it was always 10-20% women and 80-90% men who I assume were gay. The guys were friendly and I never felt unwelcome. And it most definitely has never morphed into a club where straight guys go to meet women.
our local gay bar’s bouncer explains to groups of straights that this is a gay space designed for gays and you must be respectful if you come in, and then zero tolerance if you’re groping people or causing problems you are out. I also firmly believe the bartenders deliberately serve gay people first. It’s not perfect but you can make a space less welcoming.
But that doesn't give these women the right to invade and destroy anyone else's safe space. Agree with the suggestion that LW and their friends start approaching club management about this. Some gay clubs do ban bachelorette parties, and they can certainly start cutting off drunks and ejecting people who get handsy.
I don't think straight women should be coming en masse to gay bars, at all. I'm fine if they're coming with another queer person, b/c then they have someone who can nudge them back into their lane or deal with them, but otherwise, they need to be taking care of their own spaces to make them safe, rather than invading ours and making them unsafe for us. I also feel the same way about straight men who make scenes and that is terrifying.