Dear Prudence,
Growing up my sister and I had had plenty of babysitters or slumber parties or just were left alone while our parents had their date night once I was old enough. Now, my sister’s marriage is on the rocks because she refuses to leave her 5-year-old or toddler with anyone but family. And the nearest one is four hours away.
She complains to me that she and her husband haven’t been intimate since she gave birth to her youngest. The kids will not fall asleep in their rooms and want to sleep with her. My brother-in-law sleeps on the sofa instead. My sister says they act more like roommates than husband and wife. I tell her that if she wants her marriage to survive, her marriage needs to be a priority. Go salsa dancing or out for dinner. Get dressed up and go to the theater. Get a babysitter.
My sister claims that the thought of leaving her babies with a stranger gives her anxiety. I asked if there were any friends or neighbors that could recommend someone. She deflected and said the only people she wanted watching the kids were our parents and me. I told her our parents were not making an eight-hour trip for a date night, but if she and her husband wanted a romantic weekend, they would do it. My sister told me that spending that amount of time away from her kids was unthinkable to her. I love my sister. I think she is self-sabotaging herself. She tells me she wants another baby and my brother-in-law spends every night on the sofa. I am pulling my hair out here. Help!
—Marriage Point