Dear Prudence,
My mother occasionally exhibits, for lack of a better term, “Karen”-like behavior that can be embarrassing, and I’m looking for a way to get through to her that it’s not OK, or even sometimes there are better ways to achieve what she is trying to get. I will say, her actions don’t come from a place of maliciousness, or needing to feel superior/be right—rather, my parents don’t have a lot of money, and are very insecure over money, so to them, every single dollar matters. But it still does not come across well.
The latest example comes from my mom taking a friend and me out for lunch for my birthday, which was very nice of her! But we ordered a dessert, which was a brownie with ice cream. When it came, the scoop of ice cream was very tiny. My mom was incensed that they charged $10 for the dessert with such a small portion, and stated that she was “going to say something.”
I told her she better not, and fortunately, she didn’t. I was so embarrassed she said this in front of my friend, and also that my mother thought that the appropriate way to handle the situation was to complain to the poor server.
I later explained to her that it’s not like our orders came out incorrectly, or cooked poorly, etc., and that if she really felt like she had to say something, the better way to do it would be to send an email to the restaurant. She said but then I’ve already paid. I again tried to explain to her that being unhappy with the portion size was not a legitimate reason to complain in the moment and try to get money off the bill, but wasn’t getting through to her. I hate to resort to, Mom, if you really don’t understand what I’m trying to tell you, I’m not going out to eat with you anymore, but I don’t know how else to get through to her.
–Not Again, Mom