Your mom is not the person to 'celebrate' this with.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My mom is exhausting for several reasons but one of the more intractable ones is her weight struggles. She is 75. She has spent most of my life on one diet, falling off the diet, and/or hopping on another diet. She talks about how much she weighs and how much she has to lose. She criticized my weight on and off throughout my life and watching her struggle with depriving herself has really affected my own issues with eating. After becoming my heaviest and being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes during the height of the pandemic (I work as a nurse), I was finally able to lose a bunch of weight. I’m still far from my skinniest but I’ve accepted that I’m likely never going to get back there again. Still, I’m happy where I am.

The problem is that I wanted to share how much I lost with my mom and celebrate a little. But I know that telling her will lead not to her expressing how happy she is for me but a whole “woe-is-me” about how much she still has to lose and how she seems unable to. When the semiglutide craze started, and when it was in very short supply, my mom was talking about trying to get her hands on some! My mom is in great health considering her age. Yet there are always 50 pounds to lose! How can I celebrate my own winning over weight without continuing to fall into the cycle of it turning back into the last amount of weight she needs to lose to be happy with her weight? I’ve long given up telling her that she looks fine and really doesn’t need to lose it.

—Weight Struggles

VarunaTT

LW has got to recognize that her mom is a whole entire person as well and sometimes can't be the one you go to anymore.  It sucks, but part of maturing is recognizing your parents as human adults and their imperfections and gifts.  Find someone else to celebrate with, LW.

MyNameIsNot

Ooo, LW, I get this mom. My mom has been on some diet or another since she was in high school. She's 5'10 and a size 6, but constantly complains about how fat she is and how much she needs to lose. It's more than a little triggering and challenging as I've battled my own weight and body image issues. 

You know what I don't do? I don't talk to her about weight. Ever. Since I lost a lot of weight during the pandemic, she manages to bring it up in every single conversation. If I let her, it turns into jealousy and trying to compare herself with me and just ends up making me hate my body. 

Her issues with her body and weight are about so much more than wanting to lose X lbs or fit in some dress. This is about her image and self-esteem, and it's probably too deeply ingrained that she's not going to ever get past it without majorly changing her perspective. You need to find someone else with a healthier body image/approach to weight to celebrate with. Your mom can't be that for you. 

banana468

Don't talk about it with your mom.  If it comes up simply say you're making improvements to your HEALTH not your size.

short+sassy

As someone who has a lost weight on a similar drug (tirzepatide, active ingredient in Mounjaro), I can almost guarantee you the LW has had other health improvements than just the weight loss.

So talk to their mom about THAT.  Talk about how excited they are that their A1C went down X, compared to when they were first diagnosed.  Talk about how much their cholesterol has gone down (if applicable).

But don't talk to her about the weight loss.  They already know the outcome of having that discussion with their mom so why even talk about it?  They don't have to share every, single thing in their life with their mom.

If the mom mentions it because she has seen the LW has lost weight, gloss over it quickly and bean dip.  If the mom talks about wanting to try semaglutide, stay non-committal and tell her to talk to her doctor.

Hint, hint:  If the mom literally used the word "semaglutide" instead of the brand names Ozempic or Wegovy, then she already knows she can obtain the active ingredient from a telehealth provider or local weight loss clinic.  There have never been shortages of semaglutide.

I'm also pretty sure there aren't shortages anymore for the brand name drug Ozempic.  The current shortages are for it's weight loss sister Wegovy.  Ozempic and Wegovy are EXACTLY the same medication.  But Wegovy is the weight loss version for insurance purposes and is also available in higher doses than Ozempic.

charlotte989875

Given how toxic this topic is with your mom, I’m curious why you want to share it with her so badly. Sounds like there may be some level of wanting her to know to feed into this dynamic you have. 

But you can stop that LW by recognizing this is an unhealthy topic of conversation for the two of you and refusing to participate. 

charlotte989875

MyNameIsNot said:

Ooo, LW, I get this mom. My mom has been on some diet or another since she was in high school. She's 5'10 and a size 6, but constantly complains about how fat she is and how much she needs to lose. It's more than a little triggering and challenging as I've battled my own weight and body image issues. 

You know what I don't do? I don't talk to her about weight. Ever. Since I lost a lot of weight during the pandemic, she manages to bring it up in every single conversation. If I let her, it turns into jealousy and trying to compare herself with me and just ends up making me hate my body. 

Her issues with her body and weight are about so much more than wanting to lose X lbs or fit in some dress. This is about her image and self-esteem, and it's probably too deeply ingrained that she's not going to ever get past it without majorly changing her perspective. You need to find someone else with a healthier body image/approach to weight to celebrate with. Your mom can't be that for you. 

I have a similar dynamic with my mom, except she’s 5’4 and petite. But there’s always weight to loose. She’s always making comments about how she’s giving me clothes that are too big for her. Even in the midst of a preemie baby she’s made comments about how I look like I barely had a child. 

I never go to her with any kind of weight related talk and I don’t engage when she says these things. It’s taken a long time (and time in therapy) to realize these are her issues, that are probably never changing, but they don’t have to be mine. 

MyNameIsNot

charlotte989875 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Ooo, LW, I get this mom. My mom has been on some diet or another since she was in high school. She's 5'10 and a size 6, but constantly complains about how fat she is and how much she needs to lose. It's more than a little triggering and challenging as I've battled my own weight and body image issues. 

You know what I don't do? I don't talk to her about weight. Ever. Since I lost a lot of weight during the pandemic, she manages to bring it up in every single conversation. If I let her, it turns into jealousy and trying to compare herself with me and just ends up making me hate my body. 

Her issues with her body and weight are about so much more than wanting to lose X lbs or fit in some dress. This is about her image and self-esteem, and it's probably too deeply ingrained that she's not going to ever get past it without majorly changing her perspective. You need to find someone else with a healthier body image/approach to weight to celebrate with. Your mom can't be that for you. 

I have a similar dynamic with my mom, except she’s 5’4 and petite. But there’s always weight to loose. She’s always making comments about how she’s giving me clothes that are too big for her. Even in the midst of a preemie baby she’s made comments about how I look like I barely had a child. 

I never go to her with any kind of weight related talk and I don’t engage when she says these things. It’s taken a long time (and time in therapy) to realize these are her issues, that are probably never changing, but they don’t have to be mine. 

I feel like the best thing we can do here is break the cycle. Our moms are not going to change (and they probably got it from their own moms and grandmas). 

But I'll be damned if I don't do everything I can to stop her from passing this to my niece.