Dear Prudence,
I’ve been seeing a man who is nearly perfect for the past few months. The problem is I don’t find him attractive. At the same time, I’ve dated many jerks and realize he is a diamond. Aside from being intelligent and kind, he is also well-off, and I am an artist who is part-time employed at best. I’m 39, and a husband like him would allow me to pursue my artistic career and have children too, which I want. I feel affection for him but not romantic love—to be perfectly honest, if he hadn’t pursued me for a date with such zeal, I would have not given him the time of day. I’ve kept things casual but he wants to get more serious, even get married. I know my grandmother married for convenience, not love, and had a successful marriage that lasted 50 years. I’ve been seriously considering marrying this man, but when I told my best friend that I don’t really love him, she became very upset and essentially called me a gold digger.
I’m torn. On the one hand, I think we could be good companions and he would give me many of the things I crave, including stability and a family. But my friend says I would be preventing him from finding true love. I’ve been passionately in love before and I don’t know if that kind of love should be more important than long-term friendship and support. I also fear this opportunity won’t come up again. But I also don’t want to hurt him. Should I flat out refuse him if he brings up marriage again? Should I be practical and marry him?
—Love or Money