This is such a non-problem.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

So details first, we are in a poly relationship: My partner, B, and his girlfriend, P. I am unilaterally deaf (deaf in one ear), and have a cochlear implant (CI), and my hearing aid requires the use of a drying unit in the daily care and maintenance of the processor, as well as a charger for the batteries. We are currently remodeling the house to make more room for all of us and our pets (three cats and a little dog). Everything is just about done, and B just finished building a large desk for his gaming PC. My desk has wound up being a catch all and was where I had my CI stuff. I asked B if I could move my CI stuff to his desk for now since he has so much room (half of the desk is unused) until everything could be cleared up, and then I could put it in my room, since there isn’t a safe enough spot for it otherwise. He said yes.

Well, I came home tonight and someone had unplugged it and put it on the kitchen table. I don’t know which of them did it. And I don’t deal with confrontation, in fact I avoid it. But this has made me feel hurt: Something so important that I need daily was just moved like it was in the way, like it’s not important. Like I’m not important. How do I bring this up without upsetting anyone and without them feeling like I’m accusing anyone? And how do I get them to respect my CI stuff?

—Displaced Cyborg

charlotte989875

You’re making some big assumptions here which make me think this isn’t about the equipment, but about something else. Assuming moving these meant you aren’t important is a big leap.

And if you can’t bring up “hey this is vital for my daily life and health, can you let me know if it needs to be moved, otherwise please leave it where it is” in a poly relationship how in the world are you able to talk about all the other things that inevitably come up?? 

short+sassy

I understand why the LW is upset.  But they are reading far too into this by jumping to "I'm not important".

B or P didn't throw it on the floor or into a random box.  They put it on the kitchen table, where the LW would be sure to see it.

They are remodeling the house.  In part, because the LW has joined the household!  Obviously the LW is important to them.  Remodeling is stressful and things will be a mess, until it's finished.

This isn't a giant, accusatory conversation.  Something like, "Hey guys, I know we have stuff everywhere.  But it's extremely important that my CI stuff isn't touched and is left where I expect it to be.  I've been keeping it on B's desk, but noticed someone moved it to the kitchen table.  Please don't do that in the future."

I also wonder if there is somewhere the LW's desk can be placed so it's out of the way and no longer used as a catchall.  Then they can go back to keeping their CI items there.

MyNameIsNot

Use.your.words.