Dear Prudence,
This is one of those “my husband is great but…” questions. The “but” is he falls asleep on the couch sometimes. Not all, or even most, of the time but it tends to happen in waves where he will often for a week or two then won’t for several weeks. He has no problems with our bed in general. I am a light sleeper, typically waking up at every tiny sound (and with two young kids there are lots of those) but mostly being able to fall back asleep quickly. I’ve never asked my husband to come to sleep early or change his nighttime routine to accommodate me. All I ask is he comes to bed instead of falling asleep on the couch whatever time that happens to be.
If I wake up and see that he isn’t in bed but should be (basically if it’s past midnight), then no matter how hard I try I cannot stop my brain from fully waking me up. I can’t stop wondering if he remembered to check the doors are locked, or if he started the dishwasher, or if he got a call from work and is in his office. I inevitably have to get out of bed to find him and then I can’t fall back asleep for over an hour. My husband claims he isn’t trying to fall asleep on the couch but that he “can’t control it.” I’ve never “just fallen asleep” on the couch without meaning to/knowing I am and I want to call BS on that excuse. I think he just doesn’t want to get up and ready for bed when he is comfortable and half asleep on the couch. So, do some people really fall asleep so fast and hard that they can’t reasonably be expected to change, or does my husband need to try a little harder? I also can’t help but think that sleeping a full night in bed has got to be healthier than sleeping a few hours, waking up and getting ready for bed, and going back to sleep. I should note he has tried setting an alarm but almost always turns it off without fully waking up.
—Just Come to Bed