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Wedding Woes

Extend the invitation with no expectations

Dear Prudence,

Six months ago, I got engaged. Wedding planning has been stressful and unfortunately, I lashed out at a friend. I’ve felt horrible ever since. I’m sad that I acted that way and hurt my friend’s feelings. She has since forgiven me, although she has pulled away: not initiating spending time together, making excuses when I initiate, not coming to my social events, even muting me on Instagram. Several months have gone by and we have not seen each other in person. I have done everything I can to make this right: apologized multiple times, continued to reach out via text, etc. Normally, I would let us grow close again naturally, but with the wedding coming up, I have to make a decision about whether she should be a bridesmaid. On the one hand, I don’t want to add to my anxiety by including someone who seems to be politely backing away from our friendship. On the other hand, to not include her might seal the fate of our friendship, and I’m worried our mutual friends will be caught in the middle.

—Unhappy Bride

Re: Extend the invitation with no expectations

  • Ask her.  If you don't then it's one more thing you did as the jerk.   If you do the ball is in her court.


  • I wouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. Just invite her to the wedding
  • Generally speaking, I don't think the LW should ask because the friendship has now changed for the worse.  They haven't hung out together in months, which I'm assuming is unusual for them.  The friend turns down all the LW's invitations.

    However, I can think of one exception.  If they and the mutual friends are a specific group...and everyone else in the group is being asked to be a BM...then the LW should ask her also.  Because in that case, it would be an obvious snub and make the friendship even worse and more awkward.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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