Dear Prudence,
I have a close friend whom I’ve known for about a decade (we’re in our mid-30s). She’s married to a guy in the armed forces, and when he’s deployed, she gets pretty anxious and depressed, doesn’t take the greatest care of herself, and doesn’t have much of an appetite. She loves my cooking, so I invite her over for dinner as often as I can: We cook together and she vents about how she’s feeling. However, every time, and I mean every single time, she eats to the point of being in major discomfort, then spends the rest of the evening burping, groaning, and complaining that she’s so uncomfortably full (she dishes up for herself). I would be lying if I said I didn’t find this super annoying!
I have misophonia, and the sound of her burping and groaning is really, really tough for me. I’m growing resentful that she kind of dominates the evening, and I end up feeling pretty burned out. But honestly, I’m at a loss because I really worry when she doesn’t eat enough, and I think it’s important that she get at least a few good meals a week. She can’t control the burping, and the thought of asking her to eat less just feels rude and invasive of me. Other friends have suggested I invite her to non-food-related things, but the point is to get her to eat. Do you have any advice on how to manage my resentment and show up for her in the way she needs me to?
—Full of Resentment