Give your parents the first chance to buy your car.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My sister was born when I was 14. With my brother and me, our parents were strict with high expectations. We were expected to bring home good grades, keep a part time job, do extracurriculars, and all our chores, or there would be hell to pay. With my sister, my parents just gave up. She coasts by with straight Cs, just sits around and plays on her phone, and is straight up rude in ways that would have gotten me grounded for a week at her age.

My older brother gave me the old car he bought when I turned 16. My parents and sister expect me to do the same when she turns 16 this year. Only I laid down the limit that my sister needed to get a part time job and save X amount of money to prove to me that she would be responsible enough for it. My sister has quit 10 different jobs since the beginning of summer with an excuse each time. She still expects the car despite going back on her promise. My parents just shrug and say what can they do? She is a teenager. She is someone who is going to find a very rude awakening in the real world.

My car is quite old but very well maintained. I would honestly rather sell it outright or donate it than give it to my sister right now. The last time I spoke with her, she “joked” she was doing me a favor by accepting my old car rather than making me buy her a new one. If I don’t give her the car, there will be hell to pay, but I honestly feel it would be better for my sister if she got a taste of the consequences now rather than later. My brother agrees with me but warned me that I will never hear the end of it if I don’t give the “princess” her due. What do you think?

—Car Trouble

banana468

I do not think it's up to the LW parent the sister.  I also don't think that the LW owes the sister the car.

I don't see anything good coming out of the LW's relationship with the family long term.  

mrsconn23

OK, there are so many things here. 

I understand being frustrated that there were different standards for you and your bro vs. your younger (surprise baby?) sister, but parenting is totally trial and error and also, as you get older, you pick and choose what matters and what doesn't.  For better or worse, you and bro were the guinea pigs. 

It's not your place to judge, blame, or otherwise parent your younger sister.  Instead of demanding she has a job, you should have said you'd sell it to her for $X.  

At this point, tell your parents you're not giving lil sis the car scot free.  Let them know you're going to sell it and offer to let them buy it before it goes online.  

And dear god, get some therapy to deal with your resentment and maybe help remove the giant chip on your shoulder. 

charlotte989875

You’re not her parent and it sounds like you’re punishing her for having a different experience with your parents than you did. It’s not her fault. 

If you really don’t want her to have the car- off to sell it to your parents. If they decline do what you want with it. 

levioosa

Wait, so LW is essentially 30? I have so many questions. Do they have two cars? Are they living at home? Is their only vehicle that they use for travel and work? If this is their only vehicle, then why the hell would they ever give it up? 

I personally wouldn't give the car up. The parents can get one for her if that's what they want to do. But I feel like either way LW is going to be hugely resentful. If it isn't "they made me give up my car" then it's going to be "they made me take an old car but bought her a new one." 

banana468

I mean, at this point at nearly 30 I'd say that the economy is different for my generation and it doesn' t make financial sense for me to sell the car that I need because it's helping build savings while all other expenses are increasing AND a new car is going to come with a likely much larger insurance bill. 

So I'd white lie my way out of it but would require the LW to keep driving the car.   Then if the LW opts to get a new car I'd also cite the financial aspect and be clear to the parents "I"m grateful for that tradition but the current economics and my financial situation require me to sell this or trade it in."  

But I'd leave the rest of the judgment out of it.  

short+sassy

Is the LW still using the car?  If so, then they can tell their sister and parents that they are not done with it yet,  If they are ready to get rid of it, give it back to the brother since he is the one who originally bought it.  Let him decide what to do with it.

I realize it's not a gift that needs to be given back.  But that's what I would do.  It seems the easiest.  The LW isn't personally rewarding the sister for being irresponsible.  The brother can then choose to give it to the sister or sell it and get back some of the money he used to buy it in the first place.

The LW could also just stand firm and stick to the conditions they originally laid down.  Make them even more specific.  Like the sister has to have the same p/t job for at least 6 months and saved $X amount of money.