Dear Prudence,
I (38/M) began dating my girlfriend “Maria” almost three years ago, though we’ve known each other for seven years through a mutual friend, “Giselle.” Giselle and Maria work together; I know Giselle from graduate school. There are a group of seven of us from graduate school still in the immediate area, and a few others are fairly close by, so we try to arrange large group events occasionally, and those of us in the city will meet up for a happy hour or whatnot. Long story short, Maria does not get along with the other women in the group (but still gets along with Giselle). From what I can tell, one woman in particular, “Eve,” clashes with Maria because they both have very strong personalities, and the other women take Eve’s side.
Maria recently asked me to stop socializing with the other women, to show that I support her.
I want to have her back, but I feel like this is a very unfair request—if one person in the group sends out texts about getting drinks after work or whatnot, I can’t control who shows up. Also, I’m pretty sure I can’t just start sending out invites to just the males, and Giselle, and tell them not to invite the other women. The only real solution that I can see is to stop socializing with the entire group. I feel like I’m stuck with a no-win situation here: support Maria by cutting off my friends, or risk the end of our relationship. Is there a middle ground that I just don’t see?
—Sophie’s Choice