Dear Prudence,
My partner and I have been together for over a year and see a long-term future together. He shares two kids with his ex-wife (divorced six years). They spend holidays together as if they are a family. He notes that he enjoys spending that time together with his ex and kids. And while I’m invited, I feel like an awkward fifth wheel. I grew up with divorced parents and I got two separate Christmases, etc. My parents were cordial but didn’t spend time together. My partner says that we should all put up with the awkwardness of coming together to surround the kids with love. Am I wrong for feeling put off by these holiday arrangements?
—Fifth Wheel
Re: Suck it up and go along to get along for now. It will payoff long-term.
You're not going to win over anyone by trying to demand changes that will be disruptive. You're a newcomer to this. You have to go along to get along.
Over time, you will find your own routine and traditions if you're in it for the long haul.
So much chutzpah! That's fine her parents had separate holidays. But there is nothing wrong with the b/f/ex's system also. In fact, it's really nice and the only person with a problem with it is her so she needs to get over it. It sounds like it feeling awkward and like a 5th wheel is her own feelings and not something anyone is actually doing.
Maybe things will change in the future as everyone's needs evolve. Maybe as she spends more time with the children and ex-wife, it will be less awkward. But in the meantime, she and her b/f can pick Christmas Eve or another nearby day to be "their" Christmas together.