Wedding Woes

You're right, you can't please everyone. Do what's best for you and your son.

Dear Prudence,

I’m trying to balance complicated family obligations. My dad planned a trip for his 70th birthday, three nights and four days, but centered around a casino and special restaurants that don’t really accept kids. I’m a single mom of a 7-year-old, and his dad is a somewhat functioning alcoholic. He has him one night a week, and mostly holds it together for him. My son isn’t aware of any of this. If his dad tries to have him two nights in a row there’s always some excuse as to why he can’t stay. It’s sort of an unspoken agreement that I’m there no matter what, and lately he’s struggling and seems depressed. He’s short tempered and fairly authoritarian in his parenting.

I initially agreed to join my parents and two sisters, but immediately began to have trepidation, as there’s no one else that can ensure my son will be safe and well cared for. We could add that I have flight anxiety but the main impact of that is that my family thinks I’m just coming up with reasons not to go. I’m super stressed and burned out, and can’t imagine feeling at ease while I’m not within driving distance of my son. My dad has health problems, and tends to put things very black and white as if this is the last possible family trip we could ever take. I don’t want to have regrets, and chances are everything could be okay if I go, but I just don’t feel comfortable. There’s also some sibling drama, they are impatient with my anxiety and also think I’m too focused on my son, etc. I won’t be supported if I’m anxious; I can’t please everyone, but I want to avoid regrets.

—No Fight Left

Re: You're right, you can't please everyone. Do what's best for you and your son.

  • Do you have a close friend he could stay with? Someone you trust for a night or two? If not offer you go for an overnight but you leave early/come later than everyone else. You keep your son safe, that’s your first priority. 
  • I see this situation a bit like a destination wedding.  The dad chose to have his birthday celebration somewhere far enough away that it takes a flight to get there and also isn't a location where the grandson can go to very many things.

    @charlotte989875's suggestions are a good compromise.  But if it isn't possible, then that is too bad for dad.  The LW shouldn't go if she can't trust her childcare options.  Or just doesn't want to go because it involves a flight.

    Invite dad out for a birthday dinner before or after the trip.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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