"Yep, she's my sister. Genes are funny."

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

My sister and I got extremely different genes from the same parents. She did some modeling and is skinny and wiry with great cheekbones and has always had great skin. I’m muscular and fat, and despite the best efforts of many dermatologists, I’ve got a lot of acne problems and scarring. After we got out of the hellish teen years, she was never mean about this or drew attention to it but we definitely have always been treated differently in big ways and small. In my college years, one boyfriend dumped me and tried to pursue her after I brought him to meet my family.

Our professional fields overlap and the small company she works for recently won a contract from my team within our larger company. We had to disclose our relationship for legal conflict of interest purposes so recently I’ve been getting a lot of, “Wow, I would have never known you were related!” from everyone I work with. It sounds like a neutral statement but it hurts a lot. My company is large and as this project rolls out it’s all going to be coming up again with other teams. Aside from having thicker skin (I’m trying! I’ve tried my whole life!), is there any way I can cut this conversation off?

—Ugly Sister

banana468

Just be truthful about it.  Genes and personalities are weird.

My mom and aunt were 18 mo apart.  Sadly my aunt died when I was 7 but I'm told she was gorgeous, tall, blond and all legs.  My mom is attractive but not tall or blonde and was shorter legged.  In HS one of the nuns looked at her and said, "Hmm....McIrish - that's not a common last name Colleen.  I have a Siobhan McIrish in my earlier period." Without skipping a beat my aunt lied to the nun and said, "I'd like to meet her."  

short+sassy

I know it's hard with her history.  But the LW should try to not read into those comments as anything more than she and her sister don't look alike.  Not a judgement of "...and she's so much prettier".

She should give it a light hearted comment like, "Right!  It's funny how we have the same parents, but look so different from each other."

My sister and I have the same situation, though fortunately we are about equal attractiveness.

We both look like our parents, but took opposite traits so we don't look anything like each other.  Throughout our lives people will sometimes legitimately ask if one of us was adopted, when we are together.

mrsconn23

LW is so resentful of the hand they were dealt.  And having a much more conventionally attractive sibling has brought on trauma for the LW that they didn't ask for or invite in. 

But in a professional environment, it's really hard to shut down this without coming off as...odd.  So, LW does need to 'suck it up' a little here.  

I am getting a sense of imago from LW and their sister being in industries that 'overlap'.  Like LW needs to prove something to everyone. IDK...I hate saying it...but therapy could round out some of these edges.