You may need therapy to figure out what *you* want.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I have been together for a decade. When we first got together in our 20s, we both wanted kids. He’s since changed his mind. It was difficult for me to accept, but I know honesty now is better than half-hearted parenting later. I love my husband and want to get on with our lives, but the sad void in my heart is weighing me down. For so long, I framed everything through the lens of eventual motherhood. Paying a mortgage? Well, this will be our family home. Working all day? Well, I’m saving money for our future children. Now, I’m not sure what my “purpose” in life is—or, crucially, how to determine it. And there’s one more problem…

My husband is content with life as it is; he means well, but it’s hard for him to suggest any solutions. I know life is what you make it, and I know there are plenty of fulfilled, child-free people out there. But everything I read online recommends throwing myself into a new hobby or something like that. Are watercolors and pickleball really all I have to get me out of bed in the morning? Please, Prudie, could you suggest some paths out of this wilderness?

—Now What?

MyNameIsNot

You are not ever going to be contented with a child free life. Plenty of people (myself and your husband included) are not meant to be parents and do not need children to feel fulfilled. 

You are not one of us. You need to move on and find a partner that wants children. 

VarunaTT

Get some therapy to figure out if you even want to be childless and if not, how to handle your divorce from someone you love.  It's okay that this is a dealbreaker for you, LW.

short+sassy

This kind of situation has always struck me as being one of the saddest things that can happen to couples.  Neither person is wrong.  They love each other and want to spend their lives together.  But there is no compromise for children/no children and often the best answer is to break up/divorce.

The LW's initial reaction is to stay and accept a childless life.  I agree she needs to do some heavy soul searching and therapy might help with that.  Maybe she can find a way to accept and be okay with it.  But if she sees herself 5-10 years from now still rudderless and with deep regret, she should leave.