Dear Prudence,
My grandmother was never warm and fuzzy when I was growing up. Now she is a miserable old witch draining the life out of my mom and uncle. She isn’t satisfied with anything and makes demands like a spoiled toddler. She uses a walker but expects my mom to run home every day to make her lunch. My uncle needs to drop everything if she can’t figure out how to watch her shows. She ignores her doctors and can’t make an appointment that doesn’t conflict with anyone else’s schedule. She insults everyone and tries to guilt you if you call her on it. “Oh, you just want me to die.” “Oh, you want to throw me out in the streets.” “Oh, you want to put me in a home like a dog.”
Worse, she dotes on her monster of a dog that bites. It looks more like a blimp with teeth and my grandmother will feed it human food so it poops all over the floor. I live three hours away and when I visit to give my mother some respite, I try not to interact with my grandmother. I deep clean, work on the yard, and go grocery shopping. I got into a fight with my grandmother because after I came home and started to unload the groceries, she demanded I run across town and pick up a rotisserie chicken. Not for us but for her dog. I told her no and she swore at me. I put the groceries up and took a long walk before I did something I regretted. Now my mom and uncle both blame me for setting off my grandmother. I am tired. I feel guilty that my mom and uncle have to handle this but I can’t deal with it. They refuse to look for governmental aid or sell her old house and look for a retirement home. I don’t know what to do. Help!
—Kids Aren’t a Retirement Plan