Wedding Woes

You don't say anything and just don't visit again.

Dear Prudence, 

I recently visited my oldest childhood friend at his house, and was dismayed and disgusted by the uncleanliness—literal piles of dog hair everywhere, a bathroom that clearly had not been cleaned in years, etc. He is 54 and has been in a relationship with a sweet woman for 10 years. They agreed to move in together after their kids were all in college. That day has come, but she is dragging her feet and he is very frustrated by it. I have a hunch that it’s because of how gross his house is, but she was not there when I visited and I don’t know her well enough to speak with her about it. I will never visit him there again unless he does something about it, but thankfully, we don’t see each other that often and he is always willing to come to me. Do I say anything to him about getting his house cleaned?

—Trying to Be a Good Friend

Re: You don't say anything and just don't visit again.

  • A messy/gross house can be a sign of something else.  I think I'd talk to my friend from a place of concern.  If that's just how he's choosing to live, yeah, no more visiting.  The relationship itself really isn't your business and not really the main issue here.  
  • The LW should mention it to their friend, but out of a place of concern and not complaint.

    They definitely shouldn't mention the g/f and "maybe that's why she's reluctant to move in".  That's a good guess, but the LW doesn't know.  Hopefully his friend can connect those dots.

    She's also a grown woman who can speak for herself, if she has issues with the state of her b/f's house.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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