This is beyond unprofessional.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I have a pretty low-stakes question in the grand scheme of things. I got married last year and changed my last name to my husband’s. My maiden name was very common and easy to pronounce—my new last name is longer (and actually very easy to pronounce!), but the length and Eastern Europeanness of it seems to trip everyone up (Think going from “Carson” to “Rodakowski”). Personally, I was never attached to my maiden name, as I’m estranged from my biological father, and my career is such that a name change won’t make or break things. I’m happy I did it!

My problem? Absolutely NO one at work is making an effort to acknowledge this. I never made a formal announcement, but I did tell everyone I work with regularly and updated my email/signature and other tools and software where my full name is shown. Everyone is still calling me “Kate C.” I’ve tried correcting everyone with a friendly smile: “I’m actually going by Kate Rodokowski/Kate R. now!” And the reaction is always some variation of, “I’ve just always known you as Kate Carson and your new last name is long and scary!” But yesterday one of our project managers sent out a Gantt that identified me (literally!) as “Kate Carson or Whatever-Her-New-Last-Name-Is”! I was mortified — this was a client-facing document!

Again, I know this is low-stakes. I’m a white lady who got married, who cares. But at the same time this seems…disrespectful. This is a group of cohorts who have always respected other name preferences, so I’m not sure why this has been such a trouble point? I also don’t appreciate getting this in front of clients! Other than continuing to politely correct everyone, anything else that can help?

—The Former Ms. Carson

banana468

Respond to the email with the document to the person who sent it and your boss.

"I need to point out that my name isn't correct on this document and needs to be corrected to Rodokowski.  General Mills was expecting this document today and it's imperative that they know who I am should they need to contact me for X related issues.  Could you please confirm that this will be corrected and sent by tomorrow?  I trust that the commentary of 'whatever her new last name is' will be removed as the name change is 180 days  ago." 

I cannot stand that behavior and had it when I changed my name.    Also - way to make women feel like there is no winning.  If you change your name then OMG people need to learn a NEW last name but if you don't change your name you get called a bunch of insults directed towards a liberal woman.  

charlotte989875

If I were the client I’d be wondering what in the world was wrong with that guy to write that in a document. I’d reply like Banana said but if it kept happening I’d start to reply all with “as I’ve noted several times my name is Kate R. Please address me correctly”. Because it’s obvious he/they are doing it on purpose. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

If I were the client I’d be wondering what in the world was wrong with that guy to write that in a document. I’d reply like Banana said but if it kept happening I’d start to reply all with “as I’ve noted several times my name is Kate R. Please address me correctly”. Because it’s obvious he/they are doing it on purpose. 

Exactly.  Only a jerk thinks it's funny to tease for a last name change and presenting it to a client facing document makes the entire company look bad and not serious. 

Jen4948

Kate, you definitely need to go to your boss with this. It wasn't cute, funny or professional at all for that project manager to make snarky remarks about your name in a document that clients need to use. 

MesmrEwe

As a client if I got that email, regardless of the size of company I was doing business with - I'd be questioning my business partnership nsjs...  If LW's coworkers can't be bothered to learn your name how are they keeping the client's details in order?  

short+sassy

MesmrEwe said:

As a client if I got that email, regardless of the size of company I was doing business with - I'd be questioning my business partnership nsjs...  If LW's coworkers can't be bothered to learn your name how are they keeping the client's details in order?  

I couldn't agree more!  This would be such a red flag for me if I was the client or one of their employees.

Not quite the same thing, but here is my story of when I ran from a company whose first paperwork to me made a horrible impression.

I contacted a law firm years ago about a major, nationwide class action lawsuit ramping up.  It was regarding my father's death.  I had a couple key questions related to if I had standing and/or if his case even did, because his circumstances were different than most litigants.  I was told they would send me a packet and I could request to speak to an attorney after that.

The bulk of the packet was transcripts from a Dateline episode talking about this issue.  Not sure what the point of that was.  Then a general letter from the law firm talking about the lawsuit.  Then a one-page contract I could sign to hire them.  None of those things answered my two questions, which I could have let go despite it wasting 30 minutes of my time to go through all of it.

But I was so alarmed at how BAD the copy job was for all of it.  Even their stupid ass one-page contract was tilted on the page, smh.  They are now forever dead to me for any legal services.  Because if that is the kind of shoddy paperwork they give to a potential client, how could I possibly trust that they don't give sloppy looking stuff to opposing counsel or the courts?

I ultimately decided it would be up to my mom if she wanted us to at least look at being part of the lawsuit.  I encouraged her to and told her I would do all the leg work.  I would speak to one of the CA law firms handling the class action cases and be their point of contact, if they felt we should be included.  She didn't want to because she didn't think we had a case.

I still regret I didn't at least contact another law firm involved and get their educated opinion on that.  But I was a young kid barely out of college and already felt out of my depth.