Wedding Woes

It will be difficult, but keep up your boundaries.

Dear Prudence, 

My younger sister decided to skip my master’s program graduation ceremony. She called me late the night before and said she couldn’t make it because her collegiate athletic team had practice the next day. She’s a volunteer coach, and part of a coaching staff of five. Couldn’t someone have covered her for an afternoon?

Her not coming to my graduation was a breaking point. In our adult life, she’s stolen money and clothes from me. Last summer, I let her borrow my car for two months, but she held it hostage for a third month. I had to rent a car for my first few weeks of graduate school. She prioritizes her boyfriend and friends over our relationship. She never visited me while I was in school even though we lived three hours apart. I visited her multiple times.

My sister has depression. My mom said this whole situation was because of her mental health and that, “I’ve always been the more mature one.” I’m tired of being the bigger person. I haven’t spoken to my sister since May. My parents think I’m being vindictive. I’ll always love my sister, but I feel like she’s the one who needs to put in the work to fix things. What should I do?

—Super Strained Sisterhood

Re: It will be difficult, but keep up your boundaries.

  • This takes me back to Allen Iverson and thinking "Practice?!?" 

    Sis knew about the practice schedule and opted out of a family obligation on no notice.

    LW tell your mom you're hurt that you extend money and time to help her and she is missing milestone events in your life and you're hurt.    You're not vindictive but you also won't be a party to a one-sided relationship. 
  • Push back on being called vindictive.  Vindictive would be something like taking her to small claims court to get your funds back (though I don't personally think that's vindictive).  "I'm not speaking to someone who has hurt me, over and over again".  Keep the boundary and repeat ad infinitum to your parents.
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