Dear Prudence,
I am on a group chat with my close friends from college that has been really wonderful for sharing good news and day-to-day humorous anecdotes, as well as supporting each other (e.g. when someone has had Covid or has been in a fender bender). Unfortunately, we have had two members of our small group die from cancer. We are all under 50 years old, and our friends did not smoke, had no family histories of these cancers, and had no apparent risk factors. Needless to say, this has been devastating for all of us. The issue is one of my friends seems to be on a crusade to make sure that all of us follow an aggressive cancer testing schedule.
I have tried to just not say anything about this because I have decided (with my doctor’s approval) to follow a more conservative cancer testing schedule because the cancer testing itself was making me feel suicidal. I felt as if I was constantly being tested for cancer, and I told my doctor it was doing me more harm than good. I’m not in denial; I fully accept that I may get cancer. I just don’t want the life I have now to be filled with constant testing because it is literally pushing me over the edge. Meanwhile, my friend, who I know means well, is insisting we all report that we’ve had cancer tests A, B, C, and D, and frequently. I know we’ve all been through a lot, and this is her way of trying to manage it. But it’s not working for me. How can I handle this without further upsetting the group dynamics?
—Taking a Break from Cancer Testing