Dear Prudence,
I have a hosting issue that seems trivial and drives me up the wall and I really need a script. When we have friends or acquaintances over for lunch/dinner I love to have a nice meal and set up; my mom was always a gracious host and this is something I really enjoy. I like it when the table is set up nicely with all food ready to go. Then I like having everyone sit down together (myself included). My issue is when people barge into the kitchen asking if they can help (not the issue but I always politely decline) and then proceed to help themselves before everything is set up (and some food is about to be done). This disrupts the entire idea for me; they eat the side dishes before I bring out the main meal, etc. It’s only a few minutes difference and I always serve appetizers. And no I don’t take forever, my husband offers drinks in the meanwhile.
I always say please give me five minutes and everything will be ready; nobody seems to care. To me, this is just rude. I was always taught as a kid to wait for the host to have everyone sit down and would have never dreamt (now or as an adult) to grab food that is being prepared unless asked to help out. If these were close friends I wouldn’t care so much and they can help out but I do not feel comfortable with people I am not as close to barging into my kitchen and opening cabinets. Is there a really polite way to reinforce this, short of setting up all the food once they come through the door? Is this really rude? Am I missing something? It seems disrespectful and makes me feel like I can’t steer the evening in my own home. I am a very easy-going person and I like that people feel at ease in my house but this feels disrespectful. Should I mention that this is never a buffer set-up but rather a sit-down meal? My mom handles it smoothly and has “authority” but I’m in my 30s and can’t seem to solve this.