Canada or your gf, you apparently can't have both

Casadena

Dear Prudence, 

I am a 35-year-old man in the process of finalizing my divorce from my wife of 15 years. I am an American citizen. However, my soon-to-be ex-wife and I went through an extensive process of securing Canadian permanent residency, so I am legally allowed to live and work in Canada. We were living in Canada when we separated, and I moved to a brand-new state out West, where I eventually started up a new relationship with a woman here. She is kind, smart, and incredibly attractive, and we have great physical chemistry. We’ve been seeing each other for two years, and we’re both pretty clear that our relationship is headed toward marriage. However, she’s pretty tied to this specific location, and it would be very difficult for her to move to Canada.

My Canadian residency requires renewal every five years and my deadline to move back to Canada is coming up. My new partner said she doesn’t think we would survive long distance, and I also hate that idea. It’s not feasible for her to move with me, between her family commitments here and the extreme difficulty of securing her a long-term visa. My motivation to go to Canada is this: I am deeply concerned about this country and think that having an “out” in a few years might be a very good idea. I’m a straight white guy, but deeply progressive, and I see the country headed down a very dark path, that I genuinely think could lead to a civil war within my lifetime. The first Trump administration was very hard for my mental health, and I don’t know how I could make it through another one. I struggled severely with the daily reminders of how ugly and full of hate a significant part of my country is. I spent three years living in Canada and loved all of it—the people, culture, and governments were kinder, more inclined to help each other, and not obsessed with “revenge” or “retribution.” Even the conservative media aren’t as vitriolic and flagrantly polarized as they are here in the States.

It would not be possible for me to get residency again in Canada if I choose not to renew my permit. But I love this new state where I live and I love this new woman. If Canada weren’t an option, my best path forward would be staying here and putting down roots. How can I choose between giving up the future option I have to live in a place I feel safe and secure in or the place and relationship I have now?

banana468

You need to figure out what is more important.  I will say that while I can see your concerns as valid, they are in a somewhat hypothetical state especially if you're living in an area with your GF that is relatively progressive.  But you need to decide which is worse: life without your GF or life without Canada. 

MyNameIsNot

You have to decide what you care about most, but I don't think I could be in a relationship that couldn't survive a temporary period of long distance. I don't think anyone wants to be long distance, but that's different from not being able to do it. 

I'm guessing the girlfriend doesn't agree with you on the potential future in Canada, and that is a fundamental breaking point. We're not going to wake up one day in a sudden civil war. The problems in this country are a frog boiling situation, and you're going to hit your limit long before she will. 

levioosa

To be blatantly honest, if H had a potential out for us to move to another country but it meant he would have to be temporarily long distance I would drive him myself to the airport tomorrow.