Dear Prudence,
I am requesting permission to never speak to my mother ever again. About two years ago, my mom wanted to move from her small town in the South to the big city on the West Coast where my siblings and I live. At the time, I was going through a stressful divorce, but I helped her make the move. The situation was tumultuous, but now she has been in her own apartment for over a year, in the same complex where my siblings and I live. I thought she would be happy being (physically) closer to us.
As adults, we all chose to live as far away from her as possible. My mom has unmanaged severe mental illness and alcoholism, and goes through periods where she lashes out. The next day, she acts like nothing happened. Am I wrong for never speaking to her again? Can I just cut her off permanently? I want to get off the roller coaster. Thankfully, my lease is up soon, so I will be moving. I may still run into her because we live in the same area. Am I a bad daughter? As a Black woman, our mothers are worshipped. But sometimes, I really just want to fight her for all of the mean and vulgar things she has said to us. The worst one is this: She keeps saying that I was sexually abused by her husband. I have no knowledge or memory of it. If it did happen, I blame her for not keeping me safe. We tried one therapy session, and she blew up almost immediately. How can I move forward without feeling so guilty for distancing myself from my mom? She’s not dead, but I want her out of my life.