Dear Prudence,
I love my niece, but she is 18 and afraid of her own shadow. She is academically brilliant, but way behind her peers when it comes to independence. Her parents basically smothered her socially and emotionally. She can’t drive, doesn’t date, and has never gone to hang out at a friend’s house (her parents want to monitor her at home).
Last year, we had a beach vacation on an island. I sent my niece to the grocery store down the lane for more ice. You get on and off a tram. It is a straight shot. My 10 and 12-year-old nephews learned it the first day. My niece took the wrong one and went in the opposite direction. Rather than just getting back on the tram, she had a panic attack and needed to be picked up.
I am not condemning my niece for this, but she was accepted to a prestigious university near me—and now her parents are pressuring me to let her live with me rather than have her stay in the dorms. Another relative stayed with me while they were at graduate school, so they say it is only fair that my niece stay with me.
This has disaster written all over it. My niece needs to get out in the world, and I don’t want to hold her hand every second she stays with me or deal with her parents hovering a hundred miles away. I don’t want to hurt her or get into another useless argument with her parents. Can you help?