Left for dead

Casadena

Dear Prudence, I have been with my current boyfriend for about eight months now. He seems kind and caring, but I have started questioning this relationship after a scary incident. Although we don’t live together, I often stay over at his apartment. Recently, a man who shot someone on the street was running away from the police and broke into my boyfriend’s place while trying to escape. This was in the early hours of the morning, and my boyfriend was already up having his coffee while I was still asleep. When he heard the commotion and realized someone was breaking in through the back door, he ran out the front door. He did not try to wake me up or even warn me; he just ran. I ended up stuck with an armed and dangerous person in an apartment, surrounded by police. I locked myself in the bathroom until the police apprehended the person and released me. Only later did I put together what happened. My boyfriend had many excuses: he acted on instinct, he tried to get back in, but the police wouldn’t let him, etc. But his instinct was to leave me there. I feel crushed and want to end the relationship, but I am also wondering if I am judging him too harshly. How many of us actually get tested that way? I am not even sure how I would have behaved in his shoes. Is this a massive red flag? Should I leave?

MyNameIsNot

Honestly, I think you're expecting too much. We all want to think that we'd be the hero and protect our loved ones in these situations, but the reality is that you cannot predict what you'll do when instinct takes over, and your instinctual behavior just isn't an indicator of how you value another person or how you'll behave in other circumstances.

Some therapy to work through the trauma of the whole ordeal might be helpful, but it's important to keep this in perspective. Try not to extrapolate that this suddenly means he's going to run away if you get cancer or lose your job.