War Wife

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

I love my boyfriend more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. He makes me feel safe, loved, and cared for. However, he works for the Department of War in a top-secret role and cannot tell me anything about his work. I am fundamentally anti-war—I’ve organized protests for peace since I was 16. I didn’t know anything about his work beyond “I work for the government” before I fell in love with him. I don’t know exactly what he does and never will, but I am sure I would disapprove of it. It legitimately keeps me up every night wondering what he’s doing at work. I worry this will drive us apart. Is there any path forward?

banana468

Department of Defense.  The EO changed the name but it takes the act of Congress to make it official.

There's so much that isn't black and white in government and I'd wonder what their ages are as well.  Living in an area with plenty who are employed at DoD contractors it's murky.

But you may need to have a broader conversation with your boyfriend not just on his job but on his ethics.  And if you find you're not ethically compatible you need to break up with him.   You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to get him to change.

levioosa

Yeah, saying you're super anti-war and then calling it by the fake name instead of the real one makes me raise an eyebrow too. I definitely am not calling it by DOW. Agreed on the ethics conversations.