Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
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Do I need unity candles?

My fiance's mom passed away a year ago and my mom is not involved in our ceremony.  Who else could we have do the unity candles for our families?  Is there aslo an alternative to unity candles that I have not thought of?  Do I have to have unity candles in my ceremony?  I would appreciate any opinions I could get, thanks!

Re: Do I need unity candles?

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    You don't have to have them at all.  Or you could have your dads light them, or someone else to represent each family, or just light them yourselves.  It's a fairly new "tradition," there aren't really any rules.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I like the previous poster's idea.

    I'm doing a sand ceremony which doesn't involve the parents at all--just me and my fiance.
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    You don't have to have the unity candles at all since the entire ceremony is about unity. If you do want to include them, you can have the two side candles pre-lit.
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    Nope. We're skipping it.

    Some people use sand ceremonies or others. We're just doing vows.
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    Ditto jamilynne, IMO the wedding ceremony IS a unity ceremony.  Candles, sand, dirt, wine, water, golf balls are not needed.  You'll be just as married without a separate "unity ceremony" as you will be with one.

    My DD was married in July.  They didn't have a unity anything.  Their ceremony was lovely.

    GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I am torn on doing a unity ceremony... I don't want to do the candle, I would prefer the sand ceremony, but my FI is really nervous about being in front of an audience and he wants to say I DO and get it over with really fast.  So I'm waiting to see what the church recommends.
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    You definitely don't have to have them!  They are often considered a Catholic tradition and even when I met with the priest regarding my full mass Catholic wedding, it was an optional part of the ceremony.  Not necessary at all!
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    You can do unity seeds- like wildflower seeds- then plant them in your yard together annually.  If you feel the need to do a favor, you can do a sack with the seeds for your guests as well. 
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    You may as well learn now:  you need:
    • A partner
    • A marriage license
    • An officiant
    • Witnesses
    That's actually the maximum you might need. In common law marriage states, you can manage with just the partner and witnesses.  In MA, where we got married, you can do without the witnesses.  PA lets you do without the officant.

    Anything beyond those four things is optional.  If it doesn't break your budget, and is meaningful to you, go right ahead.  But don't start thinking that you "need" it.  And if it doesn't fit your situation, just drop it.
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    We skipped this. We also didn't do a sand ceremony ... or a rose ceremony ... or a lot of things for that matter.

    Our ceremony was very basic: a few blessings, vows, ring exchange, kiss. We kept it very simple (Which is very "us") ... mainly to avoid having to hammer out a bunch of little details.

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