How do we incorporate our deceased family members into our ceremony?

musicxstore

My fiance's father passed when he was nine and my great-grandmother passed when I was thirteen. I would like to make them a special part of the ceremony without being gloomy and whatnot. Does anyone have any unique ideas? I was thinking of lighting a candle or something of that sort... Any ideas?

kellyjo23

Hmmm...I am trying to figure the same thing out for my Grandfather and my fiances grandfather and mother. I have heard that a good way to do it is by having open seats  for the loved one and placing a flower on it..and a lit candle could work too. I have seen a few people that did small memorial things at the wedding with pictures and stuff..but that seems too gloomy..

You could also have the officiant to say a quick thing about honoring the loved ones that cannot be here today or something...

I am with you though..you do not want it to sound too gloomy...

it is tricky..let me know if you come up with some good ideas!

trix1223

I don't know when the trend started to turn a wedding into a big memorial, but I'm not a fan, to be honest.  A wedding is a day of joy and celebration.

The empty seat thing is so "in your face" and highlights the person (people) NOT there, rather than celebrating with those who are.  If something must be done, I prefer something very quiet and personal.

My mom died 3 weeks to the day before our DDs wedding.  DD and grandma were very, very close and it was hard on her.  To compound things, DD's FFIL had also died only 9 months earlier.  So there was mourning on both sides.

DD wore a pair of grandma's earrings, and our SIL wore a pair of LiveStrong shocks as an homage to his dad.  Then the minister included them in the prayer before dinner.  That was it.   And IMO, it was lovely, personal, and didn't make everyone else in the families sad.

sammyny

In Catholic ceremonies, the specific names of close relatives can be specified in the prayer of the faithful. I don't know if other religion's ceremonies have such. I agree with the posting that this is a celebration of who is here and not who isn't but if you can find a way for them to be part of it, it should be a happy way - personal items of theirs is a good way (so you can wear them and know their significance) and enjoy them being a happy part of your day. Earrings, ring, necklace, cuff links, suspenders, watch, all good ideas.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Ditto trix.  Remembering people who were special to you on your wedding day is something I know is very important to some people - but I agree, weddings are supposed to be joyous celebrations, not extended memorial services.

At our wedding, we had a memorial vase that sat on the floor in front of the little table where we had our unity candle.  There was one rose for each grandparent of ours who had passed (all four of his, and one of mine).  We made a mention in the program that the flowers were for our grandparents who were no longer with us on earth, but present in spirit.  This is something that's done a lot where we live.

Empty seats, special candles, pictures on display - I think most people have their hearts in the right place, but these things are really sad ways to memorialize your loved one at your wedding.

You can wear something of theirs (a trinket, a hankerchief, etc) or place something in your bouquet.  Some people will put a tiny picture frame with a picture of their loved one in it and attach it to their bouquet.  I had a friend whose grandmother gave her one of her old necklaces before she passed, and she put the necklace in her bouquet.  She also could have worn it.

The key is staying subtle.

Stagestar2000

My daughter will be wrapping her grandfather's dog tags around her bouquet in rememberance. I think they will also have a memorial candle on a table to remember those that have passed.

GeauxTigers17

If you do anything other than a prayer, I would make it something private. If you want to have candles lit for them, for example, I wouldn't put anything in the program about it - just make it something for you and your fiance/parents. 

I'm with trix too. 

novaofsweden

My fiancee and I are getting married in our backyard. We are building a back drop
http://nova-designs.blogspot.com/2011/03/setting-scene.html

It will have a couple of shelves where we can put frames with photographs of our grandparents. They are still alive but too old to travel to our wedding so we wanted to incorporate them somehow.

Kate61487

I think PPs have given you some great ideas.  Do something small for yourself, but don't make it too much of a focus.  My aunt/godmother passed about 2 years ago, and I know doing any kind of empty seat, picture on display, etc. would cause my grandparents to break down - I don't want this day to be about that.  I want her with me, and will be carrying something for that purpose, but I don't want to make anyone else sad...

couawilou

For my wedding, I will be remembering my daughter and my FI's grandmother by incorporating their favorite flowers in my bouquet and my FI boutoniere. It so happens that their favorite flower was the white carnation, so I will have those on my bouquet, my mother will also have one in hers, my dad one with his boutonniere and then my FI's family (brother, father and mother) also will have a white carnation. That way not the entire guests know, it's a something between our very close families.