Military Brides

Setting a Wedding Date in the Roman Catholic Church

My fiance proposed to me over his recent R&R from his deployment which was a fantastic surprise!  We are planning on getting married next October, and I wanted to get the big stuff scheduled/reserved, like the reception site and photographer, since everything books up so fast.  I called the pastor at my family's parish, asking him to pencil us in for the date that is a year and a half away, and we would complete our requirements upon my fiance's return.  He absolutely refused to even tentatively mention a date without meeting with us twice.  I explained to him my situation, and he was cold and insensitive, stating that many people are in my situation, and this is just the rule.  He offered me individual pre-marital counseling here and suggested my fiance do the same with his chaplain.  He would then discuss with the chaplain if they thought we were ready to set a date.  I do not want to do marriage prep alone, that seems to defeat the purpose.  I am planning to speak with the pastor at his family's parish to see if he will be more understanding.  Has anyone else experienced a similar situation?  Were you able work with another priest at a different parish?

Re: Setting a Wedding Date in the Roman Catholic Church

  • Ouch... that sucks. I would be looking for another church, honestly. I mean, try talking to him again if you want, but the fact that he was cold and insensitive about it all would have turned me away from there. That's just me, though.
  • I would also look for another church. Our church worked well with our schedules and let us set our date when H was deployed.
  • I mean, a bunch of ladies on here (myself included) went through some run around with members of the Catholic church. Honestly, check with another church but if his rule is you have to meet twice before setting a date, than that's how it's going to be there. You can either make it work for you and your FI or you can't. But he's right, many people are in your situation so hopefully you can find something that works for you guys. 
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  • Ditto Irish.  We had to sit down and meet with our priest before he would pencil us in for a date.  

    Honestly, while I know it's inconvenient for a lot of military couples to do things this way, I don't blame the church for sticking to their guns.  More and more people are rushing into marriage and getting quick divorces, and the military is definitely no exception to that.  They want to make sure they are marrying people for the right reasons.  If you want to get married in the church you have to accept that.  If you are set on this church then you will have to wait to set the date until your FI gets home.  But if the church itself isn't as important to you then you can look around at other churches or ceremony locations.
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  • Ditto what everyone else said. I know you want to get everything hammered down but, check to see how fast it books up. We had a VERY popular church for our wedding during prime wedding season and we got it 9 months in advance....I know some places fill up faster than others....so I don't recomend waiting too long. But if you really like that church ask the receptionist or priest how far in advance you should think about booking. You said RR so he should be halfway done right? I mean it wouldn't be ideal for booking the rest of the vendors...but you can at least talk with some and know WHO you are going with. Or go to another church. Totally up to you.
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  • Every Parish is different. It's good and bad that they all have their own rules. Mine had some hoops that I wasn't willing to jump through so I had my wedding outside of the Church. It also wasn't very budget friendly. I am hoping to get a blessing by the Church soon because I would like it recognized.

    Good luck!
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  • Those are the rules.  Many, many people deal with it all too often.  You would not be the first military bride to do the counseling alone.  If you really want it, you'll do it.  If not, you'll find somewhere else.  It's really pretty simple.  
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  • I might wonder if the priest thinks a year and half is simply too far out. A lot of places may not have their calendar that far out, and churches are no exception. On the other side of that I would go with what PP said and maybe ask the receptionist how far out they book things up.  I would go ahead and talk to your FI's home parish, but I don't think him wanting to meet with you guys is that unheard of. 

    The priest that is marrying us has never met FI. He really barely knows me, but my mom and us kids were incredibly active in the parish before she moved to UT and I moved around, so he definitely knows of us. He's asked to sit down with me when I next go back to MS and to meet with FI and I when we get there the week before the wedding so he knows a little about us. We're going through marriage prep here in TX with a church I started attending after we moved here. 

    If I were you, I would go ahead and do whatever prep I needed to right now, because it shows a willingness to work with the church and shows the priest that you're going to do it right. I would ask your FI if there is a chaplain there that is willing to help him out. 
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