Having a problem setting a FINAL date

dani&nathan1029

Me and my fiance have been engaged for a few months now and are having a hard time setting up a date because he'll be going to basic and to tech school, and he doesnt know exactly how long his tech school will be. Has any other military bride had issues with anything like this? If so how are yu dealing with it?

calindi

I'd say the best thing to do is to wait until he's done with tech school and in his duty station.  Then you'll have a better idea of dates that he'll be able to do it.  I know it sucks, but it's true.

The alternative is to do it on a big holiday weekend, like the day after Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve or Fourth of July or something, as he's more likely to have that time off.  Just be super certain to have military clauses in each of your contracts that says that if for any reason he can't attend due to his military commitment, that the vendor will move the deposit to a mutually agreeable date or refund your money.  Just in case, ya know?

The other thing you could do is plan something small and intimate - that takes no time at all!  Our friends just decided last weekend that they don't want to wait any longer, so they're getting married in 1 month!  Yep, they're planning in one month.  Having the ceremony in a beautiful park overlooking the ocean, and then renting out a room at a local restaurant for around 30 family and friends to eat (which they're hosting) and then head out to a bar/club to dance the night away.  It's not the whole big pomp and circumstance, but I think it'll be lovely!  She's wearing a beautiful white dress (just a bit simpler, she bought it from White House Black Market so it's around $200), they're having a cake, a first dance, etc.  Then next summer, they're going to have a big barbecue back home to celebrate with family and friends, much more casual and low-key.

That could be much more difficult if you're trying to get married in the Catholic church, which requires Pre-Cana classes before you get married.  But still, you could do the Pre-Cana classes and then pick a date a few weeks out.  It's different, but it's do-able!

Beachy730

Yes, many military brides are in the same position.  Like Calindi said, if you're planning on doing a big, traditional wedding, you're best bet is to wait until after school and when he gets to his first duty station.  Then he'll have a better idea of deployment schedules and time to get leave, so you're more likely to find a date that will work.

Additionally I (and many other military brides) will recommend going through a deployment together before getting married.  There's a reason the divorce rate is so high in the military; not everyone is cut out to be a military wife.  Going through your first deployment and seeing how you handle it from home, as well as how you as a couple handle it are things that you can't predict.  By going through a deployment first you have a much better idea and can decide if this life is right for you before you make the marriage committment.

firemedicrr

My FI is USN, and we are in the same position- we can't set a date because he's applied for the STA-21 program, and whether or not he gets that and when he would start would affect our wedding plans. We've talked about dates that we like in general, but we're having to wait until a decision is announced before setting a date. It does suck, but I know that I'm signing up for years of this sort of thing by marrying a servicemember who is in the navy for the duration of his career. If we get the date/time frame we want, great. If we dont, it's not the end of the world because I know that ultimately I'll be married to the man I love, no matter what time frame that ends up being. 

If I were you, I'd wait to set a date. Definitely the military clauses in the contracts are a must. We aren't setting a date yet for the reasons stated above, but once we do, we're definitely going with vendors with military clauses- you never know what might happen. There are lots of things you can decide on even while you wait to set a date- your dress, everyone else's attire, music, the type of reception/theme you want, locations/venues that interest you, STD/Invitation styles, and so on... it's not like you can't do anything to prep before you set a date; and the more you pre-plan and have an idea of what you want, the easier it is to plan a wedding relatively quickly.... 

Good luck, and hang in there!

KendallR10

I changed my date like 65428+9+6.42864+6406461 times. We finally nailed down a date a month ago and we are getting married in 2 weeks

firsttimersluck

We didn't struggle with picking a date. H picked it last year and was dead set on it. (we vendor shopped asap to make sure we could find a place that still had it open because he was NOT budging on that date!)
the USN DID, however, try to send him away during our wedding. bullies :P

I will agree with PPs that, while I know you guys are in loooove and want to be hubby and wifey, it may be your best bet to just wait until training is done. We picked out date to be as far away from deployments as possible so that those wouldn't get in the way (since we all know how easily those dates change).
Part of the military lifestyle is working with what you have, and appreciating it when you have it.
I know it's a total pain, but if he's worth it, then it's worth it.

My suggestion is to start planning the stuff that you CAN plan without needing a date, such as colors, decor/theme, gown and BM attire, little things like your card box , etc. Also, the guest list and gettings those addresses take FOREVER to work out, so start that!
When he gets into tech school he will know how long he will be there, and that's when you can start finding vendors and pick the date. (although I suggest you wait until he gets to his first station).
GL OP! Let us know how things go.