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Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?

Hey yall, I'm a first timer on these message boards but I feel I need to ask for advice from ladies that understand the military situation. My fiance is in the Navy and, because of the benefits I could receive in healthcare and such that I don't currently have, we were thinking of getting married at the courthouse soon and having the big party later (March 31) with the entire family. We are also moving out of state right after the March 31st wedding and will both be out of a job so any little extra money now will help us out later. My fear is that it will take away from the excitement of the big party then if we get married now so I am tossing back and forth whether we should just do the marriage paperwork and go about our day or actually have a little courthouse wedding. I just don't want the wedding in MArch when all of our family and friends will be there to be less exciting. I know it's common among military couples to get married on paper first and then have a big family celebration later so I guess I am asking how much it will really affect the celebration with family? Thanks ladies
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Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?

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    edited December 2011

    If you are tossing back and forth on it, don't do it. If you have even a slight hesitation now, you won't be able to "take it back" later and may regret it, for a little TINY bit of extra money.
    We have had this questions asked a LOT, so I would suggest scrolling down and looking for threads with a similar title to see our opinions on pros/cons regarding this topic. GL!

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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Before I give you any advice, I want you to know I JOP'd (not for benefits but because I wanted a JOP) then had a religious ceremony with my family because that is something they wanted.  I don't want you to think that I am "out to get you" because I don't know the situation.

    You will find that getting married for benefits or even just early for benefits is a HUGE taboo on this board.  I don't know if it will take away the excitement for you, it didn't for me.  I wasn't worried about it because, like I said, I wanted a JOP.  I didn't have it because I thought I needed to.  Is your FI retiring from the Navy that he will be out of a job in May? 

    ETA: What I'm trying to say is, I think that maybe if you are having a JOP for any other reason than you WANT a JOP, you should probably just skip the JOP and wait to be married at a ceremony with your family.  I'm saying this for basically the same reason FTL is.  If you do it and you are disappointed you can't take it back later.

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:44472fc3-f451-4822-8939-bbdd331f19a4">Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey yall, I'm a first timer on these message boards but I feel I need to ask for advice from ladies that understand the military situation. My fiance is in the Navy and, because of the benefits I could receive in healthcare and such that I don't currently have, we were thinking of getting married at the courthouse soon and having the big party later (March 31) with the entire family. We are also moving out of state right after the March 31st wedding and will both be out of a job so any little extra money now will help us out later. My fear is that it will take away from the excitement of the big party then if we get married now so I am tossing back and forth whether we should just do the marriage paperwork and go about our day or actually have a little courthouse wedding. I just don't want the wedding in MArch when all of our family and friends will be there to be less exciting. I know it's common among military couples to get married on paper first and then have a big family celebration later so I guess I am asking how much it will really affect the celebration with family? Thanks ladies
    Posted by Vergeer2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I did not do this, so I have no input on whether or not it will take away from the big party down the road.  TBH though, I think it would take away from it, but everyone is different.  As Sammy said it didn't take away anything for her, but there is a poster on E who did this and says she is so mad at herself because they wasted so much money on a day that was just for show, and she didn't even enjoy herself at it.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Whatever you do, just be honest with everyone.  If you choose to JOP and do a PPD (pretty princess day) later, be upfront and honest with everyone that you are already married.  I personally had no desire to have a JOP wedding and a vow renewal later, and honestly don't see the point, but everyone is different.  Basically, as long you're honest with everyone, I really don't care.  But if you plan on doing a JOP and hiding the fact that you're married from everyone, then I have completely different opinions on the type of person who could do that.  </div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    This is what my husband and I did. I am diabetic, and the health benefits, well obviously helps. We are planning our "vow renewal" now, and I must say I don't feel any less excited about it.

    We did tell our families though, many people hide the fact, but we chose not to.
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    kara811kara811 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    H and I thought about going the JOP route but chose not to because I do think that it would take away from it. But everyone is different, there are others that are perfectly happy with doing going this route. My parents had  a JOP and a big convalidation later on, and my sister will be doing the same thing as well. They're all happy with that decision. 

    But like Beach said, if you choose to go this route, be honest about it. We see so many military couples that do this and lie about it after so they can have their PPD later on. 
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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    After reading DNB's post I will also add that a big wedding was not my thing at all.  I was more worried about something being taken away from the quiet JOP DH and I had.  Although I enjoyed my vow renewal, my JOP is still memorable and will always mean more to me.  That is because it was the only thing I really wanted (the JOP that is).  Everything else was just something to make my family happy.  Seeing my family having a good time and happy that that we had added a religious element to our marriage (they thought that was missing with the JOP) made me happy. 
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    Vergeer2012Vergeer2012 member
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you all very much. I do know I want a JOP not just for the benefits but because I don't want to wait until March and I think we will be able to enjoy being married for a while before having to move (he is getting out of the navy and we are moving out of state the same month as the wedding... stressful and not my dream timeline but the circumstances can't be changed). So it's not that I am going back and forth on "if" we should get married now, it is more just a "how." Either just the paperwork or also include a small ceremony. Your posts have been a great help though and I think we may as well have a little ceremony just us and parents and my best friend since childhood because I'm seeing that this day will mean more to me than the PPD and that makes sense. I don't want to downplay the fact I'm getting married and I'm too excited to keep it a secret. I don't think anyone even semi happy about their marriage could really keep from talking about it but that's just my opinion.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:1006d1d4-5e6e-4750-94e5-4f97bbbacf84">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all very much. I do know I want a JOP not just for the benefits but because I don't want to wait until March and I think we will be able to enjoy being married for a while before having to move (he is getting out of the navy and we are moving out of state the same month as the wedding... stressful and not my dream timeline but the circumstances can't be changed). So it's not that I am going back and forth on "if" we should get married now, it is more just a "how." Either just the paperwork or also include a small ceremony. Your posts have been a great help though and I think we may as well have a little ceremony just us and parents and my best friend since childhood because I'm seeing that this day will mean more to me than the PPD and that makes sense. I don't want to downplay the fact I'm getting married and I'm too excited to keep it a secret. I don't think anyone even semi happy about their marriage could really keep from talking about it but that's just my opinion.
    Posted by Vergeer2012[/QUOTE]

    Just so you know, there's no such thing as "just the paperwork" - that paperwork is what changes you from single people to a married couple.  That paperwork is kind of a big deal.  So I'd say make the most of the day you get married - have close family and friends and do a small ceremony just the way you want to do it.  Wear white or not, whatever you want.  And then if you want to do a big vow renewal later, then do that.  If you find having a small ceremony is enough, then don't do the vow renewal. 

    Also, there's no reason you can't have a larger party now if that's what you want - don't believe the wedding industry that it takes a full year to put together.  I got engaged in April, and I could have had my wedding the end of July without any real stress!  Everything's already booked, just haven't picked invitations yet.  If you're flexible and open minded, you could plan a wedding in a few weeks. So if you really want to get married soon, and you really want the big wedding, then why wait? Just do it all at once rather than have a vow renewal later!

    But regardless of whether you do a big wedding soon or JOP and then a vow renewal later, definitely make the day you get married a special and memorable one. It really does only happen once, so even if you choose something small now, do it in a way you won't regret.

    image

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:1006d1d4-5e6e-4750-94e5-4f97bbbacf84">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all very much. I do know I want a JOP not just for the benefits but because I don't want to wait until March and I think we will be able to enjoy being married for a while before having to move (he is getting out of the navy and we are moving out of state the same month as the wedding... stressful and not my dream timeline but the circumstances can't be changed). So it's not that I am going back and forth on "if" we should get married now, it is more just a "how." Either just the paperwork or also include a small ceremony. <strong>Your posts have been a great help though and I think we may as well have a little ceremony just us and parents and my best friend since childhood because I'm seeing that this day will mean more to me than the PPD and that makes sense. I don't want to downplay the fact I'm getting married and I'm too excited to keep it a secret. I don't think anyone even semi happy about their marriage could really keep from talking about it but that's just my opinion.</strong>
    Posted by Vergeer2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I must be going crazy, because I think someone just basically thanked us and didn't call us mean and tell us we didn't understand her super unique situation!!</div><div>
    </div><div>Just kidding, but glad you took the advice well.  You are completely right by not downpaying the JOP, since that is the day you actually become husband and wife.  </div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:01512779-45b1-47f7-868d-3cb8396c06e7">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration? : I must be going crazy, because I think someone just basically thanked us and didn't call us mean and tell us we didn't understand her super unique situation!! Just kidding, but glad you took the advice well.  You are completely right by not downpaying the JOP, since that is the day you actually become husband and wife.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

     haha I was thinking the same thing.
    If you want to be husband and wife go for it. I know a couple people that did a JOP with just their family, had a nice dinner in a private room at a restaurant that allowed them to decorate, then did a big cook out later with friends/family as a celebration. I think that's a pretty cool route to go. Like Sammy said, she wanted a little JOP. I'm a little more reserved in that sense so I definitely understand why people would want the actual marriage to be personal and intimate with only a few loved ones near. As long as it's what you and your FI both want and will make you BOTH happy. :]
    Hope everything goes smoothly, and let us know how all the planning goes/what you decide!
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    iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It actually isn't that common to "wed on pape"r and then have a PPD later.  People just use that as an excuse to make them feel better about it.  I also think it's pretty shaddy to get married for the benefits and then have a "big day" later.  If you want to have a big wedding with every one around, just plan one.  You can have a nice wedding with out spending a lot of money.  I honestly don't see the point in having both. 
    Edit:  We were married in my mom's living room after planning for two weeks.  We wanted to have a bigger wedding with all of our friends and family.  When we started looking at his training schedule and the weekends when my kids would be with us, we were very limited.  We chose the weekend that worked out better for everyone and that was two weeks away.  I don't really recomend trying to plan a wedding in two weeks, but you don't have to have 6 months to a year to plan something. 
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    sheryl2011sheryl2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well my mom is marrying my fiance and in sept. my fiance is a chief in the navy we are with whca in washington d.c.  I can only tell you it doesn't matter what opinion everyone give's you. You have to follow your gut and not your heart. We have 2 beautiful girls together and have been together for 8 yrs. Our problem when we wanted to get married is he was on 2 brand new ships and was always gone. so now we are on shore duty we are just having my mother marry us here in va. Then the big wedding and reception will be in sept 2012. Only thing I can say is if you really want to marry him and save for your weeding next year then go for it. A major problem with why military couples dont last. is they get tired of the military life. so you need to make sure this is what you want cause when they are gone they are gone. they can get called at the last minutes to take anouther ships deployment. it takes a strong and special women to deal with the good and bad of the military life. I know i have been doing it for 8 years almost 9 year.  so if you arent sure you dont know if you want this life style then i will tell you you really need to rethink  this life styles.  congrats
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    sheryl2011sheryl2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    well if he gets out those benifits will no longer aplly to you. he wont have them either cause he must be in for a certain amount of time and depending on his rank. it might not be worth it like the other girl said. i say he needs to stay in so you have some income. but congrats and hope it works out for you.

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    edited December 2011
    My fiance and I are planning to do this as well.  He will be returning from deployment in December or January and we will have a courthouse ceremony as soon as we can.  Because we live so far from our families, no one will be able to attend, so we are planning an a vow exchange in June for all our family and friends.  My biggest question is how to address the invites for the family event.  I'm thinking of using our new married name, listing our parents and telling the guests it will be a vow exchange and reception.

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    AlexzandraGQAlexzandraGQ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im having the same dilemma!  My FI and I discussed going to the Florida Keys for a 3 day weekend next month with our parents and just a couple best friends.  For me, this is the only wedding I really want-but FI has always wanted a huge wedding.  I have always wanted to have a smaller sized wedding at the beach with tropical flowers.  We talked about having a beach ceremony for me and then a vow renewal and reception around our one year anniversary but then we started wondering if we would ever really do that or if since we were already married we would just use the money for something else.  That's another thing to think about.  I am also wondering if the second wedding would be as exciting for me as the first one, probably not... Our other idea was to have a big reception after our key west wedding, so it would still be very fresh and fun, but we wouldn't call it our wedding we would just call it our reception and maybe just tell each other how much we love each other (sort of like saying our own vows) at the reception but not with a officiate present.  We just found out he will be in ship yard Fall 2012 and we can actually plan a wedding for then... but I really cant hold in my excitement of getting married to my favorite person.. I just want to do it now!  Theres just so many options and ideas... I'm overwhelmed!  I probably confused you more then helped you, oh jeez, sorry!
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    AlexzandraGQAlexzandraGQ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:10d65ca5-1628-4120-b223-dcd9a6657d80">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are planning to do this as well.  He will be returning from deployment in December or January and we will have a courthouse ceremony as soon as we can.  Because we live so far from our families, no one will be able to attend, so we are planning an a vow exchange in June for all our family and friends.  My biggest question is how to address the invites for the family event.  I'm thinking of using our new married name, listing our parents and telling the guests it will be a vow exchange and reception.
    Posted by elizabethmkaul[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I think the way you are going to word your invites sounds PERFECT!  Thats a great idea, I suggested something similiar to my fiance, we'll see what happens...
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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Cal. I could have planned my wedding in a month or two if there were vendors that were free on the date. Good luck with whatever you decide :-)
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    I have to say I don't agree with what these people say, you have to do whatever you think is best for your situation. My husband and I went to the courthouse with just a few of our friends and didn't tell anybody before doing it. It was a very special day for us and it is like our little secret. We didn't get dressed up, we called our friends an hour before we went to meet us. We had lunch with everybody and went to a movie. For us it was a really special day. I have never been more happy in my life and I don't regret my decision in the slightest. We don't hide the fact that we are married, it just isn't widely known. Becuase he is in a rapid deployment unit, he could be sent tomorrow if they needed. We wanted to be sure that if anything happened, we wouldn't have worries.

    We are planning a big wedding now with all of our friends and family on our 1 year anniversary. It is hard to plan a wedding that is hours away from both of our families. Especially not knowing if he will get his transfer home or end up being deployed before our set date.

    And to make a point, our good friends actually got married on the phone. He was deployed and she went to the courthouse with his father to stand in for him. The judge married them over the phone. They just had their ceremony and it was gorgeous. If you know what you want,don't hesitate!
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    tylerandjenia - bad advice, I'm afraid.  How people choose to get married is totally up to them, but once they're married they are actually legally married - hiding it is deceitful and can end up backfiring in so many ways.  There's always one like you who pops up on these pages and goes, "Do what you want!  It's your day!"  And in some ways, you're right - it's their DAY, not days.  The day they get married is just one day, and how they choose to do that is up to them.  If they get married in a courthouse or by a JOP, then anything thereafter is technically and legally a vow renewal.  We're not being big meanies - that's a fact.  If the couple wants to throw a big party just like a traditional wedding for their vow renewal, then cool, go for it.  Most of us don't see the point, but there's nothing technically wrong with doing it that way.  However, lying to everyone about being married is silly.  What's the point?  Because usually in this situation they don't tell anyone... except the military, so they can collect spousal benefits and additional BAH and moving benefits that they are eligible for by being a married couple. So they're deceiving our government and defrauding taxpayers. Roll your eyes, go ahead, I know you will. But it's true.

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    iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:4516f148-4591-4997-b1a0-172165175f17">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have to say I don't agree with what these people say, you have to do whatever you think is best for your situation. My husband and I went to the courthouse with just a few of our friends and didn't tell anybody before doing it. It was a very special day for us and it is like our little secret. We didn't get dressed up, we called our friends an hour before we went to meet us. We had lunch with everybody and went to a movie. For us it was a really special day. I have never been more happy in my life and I don't regret my decision in the slightest. We don't hide the fact that we are married, it just isn't widely known. Becuase he is in a rapid deployment unit, he could be sent tomorrow if they needed. We wanted to be sure that if anything happened, we wouldn't have worries. We are planning a big wedding now with all of our friends and family on our 1 year anniversary. It is hard to plan a wedding that is hours away from both of our families. Especially not knowing if he will get his transfer home or end up being deployed before our set date. And to make a point, our good friends actually got married on the phone. He was deployed and she went to the courthouse with his father to stand in for him. The judge married them over the phone. They just had their ceremony and it was gorgeous. If you know what you want,don't hesitate!
    Posted by tylerandjenia[/QUOTE]
    If any of your guests think you are actually getting married at your "wedding", you are lying by omission.  In the eyes of the military, that is fruad.  It is punishable by court marshal.  The least that can happen to your husband is an Article 15.  That could result in loss of up to 30 days pay, loss of rank and extra duty.  That is the minimum.  He could face jail time and separation from the military. 
    Out of the 200+ wives that I know in my H's "rapid deploy" unit, 3 of them had a JOP followed by a PPD.  Two of them were able to keep it a secret before the big day.  The one who couldn't slipped and called him her husband in front of her dad.  She tried to play it off but he demanded the truth and then refused to continue to pay for their lie.  Her grandma refused to go to the PPD because she said, "What's the point? They're already married."
    One girl was busted when her mom wanted pics of them signing the marriage certificate.  She was pissed and left the event all together because her daughter had lied to her.  The mother of the "groom" had some choice words.  They tried to go on with the party but the majority of the guests had heard about what happend and left.  The rest of the party was completely uncomfortable. 
    The other couple made it to their 1at anniversary before anyone found out.  Then she posted something about the wonderful flowers.  He posted under it about their anniversary.  Mom posted confused and then figured it out.  It was awkward to watch what followed. 
    Don't forget, as soldiers we vow to live by the Army Values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, Personal Courage.  Being dishonest about your wedding violates all of those. 
    One of the girls who made it
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:10d65ca5-1628-4120-b223-dcd9a6657d80">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are planning to do this as well.  He will be returning from deployment in December or January and we will have a courthouse ceremony as soon as we can.  Because we live so far from our families, no one will be able to attend, so we are planning an a vow exchange in June for all our family and friends.  My biggest question is how to address the invites for the family event.  I'm thinking of using our new married name, listing our parents and telling the guests it will be a vow exchange and reception.
    Posted by elizabethmkaul[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Congrats on your engagement and upcoming wedding. Please, please do not get married as soon as you can however. Give him a few months to readjust. Genuinely, the readjustment phase from a combat deployment is THE hardest and strangest part of the whole thing.

    </div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:15310a12-1e54-488f-bbe3-3ede5669d369">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration? : If any of your guests think you are actually getting married at your "wedding", you are lying by omission.  In the eyes of the military, that is fruad.  It is punishable by court marshal.  The least that can happen to your husband is an Article 15.  That could result in loss of up to 30 days pay, loss of rank and extra duty.  That is the minimum.  He could face jail time and separation from the military.  Out of the 200+ wives that I know in my H's "rapid deploy" unit, 3 of them had a JOP followed by a PPD.  Two of them were able to keep it a secret before the big day.  The one who couldn't slipped and called him her husband in front of her dad.  She tried to play it off but he demanded the truth and then refused to continue to pay for their lie.  Her grandma refused to go to the PPD because she said, "What's the point? They're already married." One girl was busted when her mom wanted pics of them signing the marriage certificate.  She was pissed and left the event all together because her daughter had lied to her.  The mother of the "groom" had some choice words.  They tried to go on with the party but the majority of the guests had heard about what happend and left.  The rest of the party was completely uncomfortable.  The other couple made it to their 1at anniversary before anyone found out.  Then she posted something about the wonderful flowers.  He posted under it about their anniversary.  Mom posted confused and then figured it out.  It was awkward to watch what followed.  Don't forget, as soldiers we vow to live by the Army Values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, Personal Courage.  Being dishonest about your wedding violates all of those.  One of the girls who made it
    Posted by iluvmytxrgr[/QUOTE]


    Great advice and thank you for posting stories gone wrong. I think, sometimes, people think it will be easy to hide it from their families.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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    iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding-before-big-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2c564dda-80c2-4d8f-a590-78183b378e2aPost:0a33c7e7-8c6d-4689-aa94-e03e97c5a870">Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Courthouse wedding before the big celebration? : Congrats on your engagement and upcoming wedding. Please, please do not get married as soon as you can however. Give him a few months to readjust. Genuinely, the readjustment phase from a combat deployment is THE hardest and strangest part of the whole thing.
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    Ditto
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto Stan!
    omg I think the readjustment can be tougher than deployment at times! -_- haha!
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    LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think that unless you've already planned your reception and vow renewal and paid for stuff before the JOP day, you run a giant risk of not having it after all, because frankly, planning is a giant pain. I'd recommend being sure you're happy with what you do for your actual wedding, and not planning to have the perfect day on your vow renewal day. We did the same thing for lots of reasons, but we made our actual wedding special to us and even took a mini-moon afterwards (we did it over a 96).  The day we celebrated with our families and friends was awesome, too, and we have no regrets, but there were times when we just wanted to call the whole big party off (and likely would have had everything not been paid for and underway and guests hadn't paid for travel and such already). Wedding planning is stressful. Military life is stressful. Major life changes, like moving out of state and being unemployed, are stressful. The first year of marriage is stressful. I think combining all those things is a recipe for disaster, but that's just me.
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    edited December 2011
    Dude. Seriously?! Again?
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    divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Sami- I'm gone for 2 days, and this? Where do these people come from?
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    edited December 2011
    I feel like a Newb disclaimer should be posted dealing with this exact situation.. I'm sure we'd still get posts like this explaining their special snowflake situations, but perhaps it would cut down on it a bit...
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    divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do we have any way to create one of those "Read This Before Posting" (sticky?) things? I know it's been discussed before, but I think one of those written well, like what Txrgr wrote above or what Stan wrote a few posts above this one could be really helpful. That way it's right there out front, and if someone posts on it someone can refer them back, like they do on other boards.
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    kara811kara811 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We need an active mod to post a sticky on the board. But even with a sticky, a lot of people will still post about it anyway. It happens on every other board. 
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