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NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...

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Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...

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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:8c1c7b08-f157-4fdb-b5e5-87de4d333770">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]For the record... I mean that OP and friend's FI are dense. Not abuse victims. 
    Posted by Killer Cupcake[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, didn't mean to make it seem like I was criticizing you.  I re-read my post, and yours was similar, where we were referring to someone being 'dumb' or 'dense' and I'm just used to some people taking my posts out of context and spinning them in the worst possible light, so I figured I'd just clarify that the whole thread wasn't intended to be anti-victim.

    I tried explaining this to FI last night, and he just was indignant about the whole situation that he wouldn't even let me finish the story.  He just couldn't see how it was possible.  "So he said hit her, and she just stood there and took it?  And then the friend (i.e. Kendall)... said nothing?  How does this sort of sh*t happen?!"  And to be honest, I have a hard time doing the play-by-play simply because I feel like at some point, someone would call the NCO or the abusive FI's bullshite.  Or, you know, duck and run. 

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kendall you have yet to answer how he hit her.  Because the more I think about how this situation is even possible, I'm thinking it had to all be a joke.  Like the NCO was joking around because he felt like an ass for not knowing how to work the toolbox (or whatever it was, I forgot by this point), and jokingly said something like "take care of your woman,"  and her FI playfully hit her.  

    So was it a playful hit, or was the NCO angry, and the FI's hit was intended to cause harm?  There's a huge difference in the situations, and I just seriously can't understand how the latter is possible.  


    Hike, I'm not trying to say that Kendall shouldn't try to help her friend if this was done to harm her.  But seriously like once a week for the past few months it seems she comes on here saying some ridiculously dumb thing her "friend" did or said.  I really have a hard time believing half of it is true.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:d4f66710-c5b1-4df2-b161-45e09550dc6c">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]But seriously like once a week for the past few months it seems she comes on here saying some ridiculously dumb thing her "friend" did or said.  I really have a hard time believing half of it is true.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    Yes, exactly!  My 16 year old FSIL is a drama-ridden mess, and even she doesn't have ridiculous stories like this.

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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:29c13de8-288e-4c95-bf9f-620f7abd4420">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting... : Uh. No.  If I saw any of my friends' SOs HIT them in front of me, I would have to be held back from laying that SO on the effing ground.  How did he hit her? I think that needs to be clarified. Because when I say hit above, I mean hit in order to punish/control/cause pain/etc.
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
    He did it playfully. but I think the NCO wanted him to hurt her
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unless the NCO is a total sh*tbag then he probably meant it jokingly. Any NCO that took his job seriously wouldn't tell someone to hit their SO with force, at least I hope they wouldn't. I'm pretty sure you're misreading the situation.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:b3b0f470-9561-4489-919a-a20ef54eba45">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Unless the NCO is a total sh*tbag then he probably meant it jokingly. Any NCO that took his job seriously wouldn't tell someone to hit their SO with force, at least I hope they wouldn't. I'm pretty sure you're misreading the situation.
    Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]

    Even if she's not misreading the situation, I just don't see how this happens.  Why doesn't the friend's FI report this guy for abuse of power?  That's an illegal order, and he can be demoted or even kicked out for that.  Why didn't Kendall say anything when someone told her friend's FI to hit her friend?  I would have certainly been like, "Um, excuse me?  Who the f*** do you think you are?"

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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:40da3b11-5a15-491e-b4dd-e7a6f051b961">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting... : Even if she's not misreading the situation, I just don't see how this happens.  Why doesn't the friend's FI report this guy for abuse of power?  That's an illegal order, and he can be demoted or even kicked out for that.  Why didn't Kendall say anything when someone told her friend's FI to hit her friend?  I would have certainly been like, "Um, excuse me?  Who the f*** do you think you are?"
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
    This NCO is a tool bag. I said to the FI "Not cool. I don't care who he is that was not okay." The NCO heard me and said "He HAS to listen to me."<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I wanted to go to the higher ups but idk how to get in touch with them</div>
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:495ae875-1b3a-40ad-869f-220e86861a0e">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting... : This NCO is a tool bag. I said to the FI "Not cool. I don't care who he is that was not okay." The NCO heard me and said "He HAS to listen to me." I wanted to go to the higher ups but idk how to get in touch with them
    Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think the Sergeant was kidding. I think it was an inappropriate joke that was in awfully poor taste, but I think he was kidding.</div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
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    ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Forgive any typing errors as I am on my phone right now. Are you sure that you aren't completely and totally misreading the situation? What makes you think that he wanted him to physically hurt her? And what does your "friend" say about this. I say "friend" in quotes because I totally think this is all made up, sorry, but I do.
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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:b565f4b2-063b-4ee9-9ac4-3be94de249d3">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Forgive any typing errors as I am on my phone right now. Are you sure that you aren't completely and totally misreading the situation? What makes you think that he wanted him to physically hurt her? And what does your "friend" say about this. I say "friend" in quotes because I totally think this is all made up, sorry, but I do.
    Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
    the tone of his voice. <div>
    </div><div>My friend hates this NCO. This NCO thinks he's god's gift to man kind and thinks he can get away with anything. He's asked them some pretty messed up things about their personal life. </div>
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Did I miss you saying if he actually hit her?

    Did he?

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:68213aef-f21f-47b9-ad1d-c6bd3fdc6be5">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting... : the tone of his voice.  My friend hates this NCO. This NCO thinks he's god's gift to man kind and thinks he can get away with anything. He's asked them some pretty messed up things about their personal life. 
    Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then her FI needs to go above him in the chain of command and put in a complaint.  Or she can. </div>
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:d4f66710-c5b1-4df2-b161-45e09550dc6c">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hike, I'm not trying to say that Kendall shouldn't try to help her friend if this was done to harm her.  But seriously like once a week for the past few months it seems she comes on here saying some ridiculously dumb thing her "friend" did or said.  I really have a hard time believing half of it is true.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    This! It reminds me of then people ask questions about their "friend(s)" but are really talking about themselves.  Like "I have this <em>friend</em> who's in an abusive relationship, what should I, I mean my <em>friend</em> do?" Not saying that's what Kendall's doing, but that's just what her posts remind me of..

    And FTR, I think that Kendall has blown this whole thing out of proportion. He jokingly hit her, It sounds like the NCO was kidding, and Kendall, you should definitely just stay out of it.  Besides, his CoC won't take you as seriously as if it were to come from someone actually in the command. You're not even in the military, they're pretty much going to placate you and say "yeah, we'll look into it" and they never will..
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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:1aed9824-44b8-4edd-8f65-c004d81f6e15">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did I miss you saying if he actually hit her? Did he?
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
    yes he did
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:4d75bf84-d92c-4f37-9b52-4792d3695dc0">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting... : This! It reminds me of then people ask questions about their "friend(s)" but are really talking about themselves.  Like "I have this friend who's in an abusive relationship, what should I, I mean my friend do?" Not saying that's what Kendall's doing, but that's just what her posts remind me of.. And FTR, I think that Kendall has blown this whole thing out of proportion. He jokingly hit her, It sounds like the NCO was kidding, and Kendall, you should definitely just stay out of it.  Besides, his CoC won't take you as seriously as if it were to come from someone actually in the command. You're not even in the military, they're pretty much going to placate you and say "yeah, we'll look into it" and they never will..
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I'm not doing it. She wanted to know. She is going to do it. </div>
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If my friend's FI hit her, I would have called the police.

    If H would have hit me, my friend would have called the police.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:e8fd2474-0062-41d3-ae19-2fe8768f8ae7">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If my friend's FI hit her, I would have called the police. If H would have hit me, my friend would have called the police.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    I feel like this is missing the "if someone hit me, I'd call the police... and kick them in the balls."

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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:e8fd2474-0062-41d3-ae19-2fe8768f8ae7">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If my friend's FI hit her, I would have called the police. If H would have hit me, my friend would have called the police.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
    I know I should have now but at the time it didn't cross my mind. I think here there has to be a mark for them to do anything and he didn't hit her hard enough for there to be one
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ncos-lawful-orders-hitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:2fb00581-8117-409c-9db4-8528d52e3b10Post:62667c54-2aa4-4450-81bd-6078b643fcfd">Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NCOs, lawful orders and hitting... : I feel like this is missing the "if someone hit me, I'd call the police... and kick them in the balls."
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    Haha I was going to post something like that but then thought better of it. I really want to drive the call the police issue home.

    Kendall- I've tried to be open to what you have to say but honestly? What do you hope to accomplish by posting this? It's against the law. I feel like the military should have been taken out of this equation. You saw a woman be hit by her husband. It's black and white.

    (IF she was really hit and it wasn't a joke. You haven't answered what the hit was like. If it was a play tap then I take back what I have been saying).
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hike - she said it was done playfully but that she thinks the NCO really meant it.  Blah blah blah.  Who the heck knows (or cares)?  This just seems like an incredibly dumb situation.  Even if it did happen, what's the need to post for advice?  Seriously?!  Like you said, black-and-white.

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