What TWO do!?!?

SouthernBenderAffair

My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship (I'm in NY and he is in AZ), as hard as that is, on top of it he is in the Navy... We plan on getting married in January, and then having a formal ceremony after his next tour. SO, how can I satisfy both sides of friends and family?

I was thinking when we get married in AZ to have a semi - formal gathering, and then a formal wedding in NY.  Chris, my fiance, thinks this may be awkward.  I didn't think so given the situation? 

Am I just blind to the awkwardness, so I can plan for two affairs?? lol

I need help!! 

BinxRose

Ok guys...who made this AE??? :P

Just in case this is not an AE....SouthernBender, why do you feel you need/deserve two "weddings"?? Just have one wedding. Any more than that is a Vow Renewal, not a second wedding.

SouthernBenderAffair

Well BinxRose..........

First off , me DESERVING two weddings has nothing to do with it. Secondly, I don't want either side of our families and friends to incur the cost  or the burden of having to pay for flights, hotels and car rentals, taking off of work etc.  

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:f8aacbcd-400c-4282-b2ec-735b56de8b2e">What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship (I'm in NY and he is in AZ), as hard as that is, on top of it he is in the Navy... We plan on getting married in January, and then having a formal ceremony after his next tour. SO, how can I satisfy both sides of friends and family? I was thinking when we get married in AZ to have a semi - formal gathering, and then a formal wedding in NY.  Chris, my fiance, thinks this may be awkward.  I didn't think so given the situation?  <strong>Am I just blind to the awkwardness, so I can plan for two affairs??</strong> lol I need help!! 
Posted by SouthernBenderAffair[/QUOTE]

<div>Uhm, a part of me thinks so. Okay, I might sound a little bitchy but I'm a bit buzzed from dinner still. </div><div>
</div><div>Look OP, you are not some special snowflake because your FI is in the Navy. Many of us have been there or are that situation right now. My H was staioned in Japan at the time we were planning, but he is originally from WA and has majority of his family there and in OR. I was living in Vegas at the time but had family scattered throughout California and other states. We realized we obviously cannot please all sides and did what was best for us. We chose to have the wedding because that's where I was and it made the planning easier on me. We invited everyone to it and we knew that although not all our families could come, they wished us well. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, you can't be married and have another wedding again. Not legally possible but you could get married and throw a party after that as a celebration. No gifts or other wedding events needed. IMO, you should just have the wedding in NY and that's it or somewhere that's DW. </div>

LetsHikeToday

Do whatever you want. Seriously. What do you mean you need help? Want two weddings? Do it.

lrh17

Hi and welcome!


Yes, I think it would be awkward to have two weddings. If you think your friends and family in NY won't be willing to make the trip to AZ for your wedding, I think it would be fine for you to have some type of informal get together in NY to spend time with your fam and friends there as the new Mr. and Mrs., but it would not be a whole other wedding since you'd already be married.  Or you could have a vow renewal, but I feel like that might be awkward too if you haven't even been married that long.

Edit:  OP, while I don't agree with having two weddings, I admire your play on words for the subject of your post.

CAB1217

In Response to Re:What TWO do!?!?:[QUOTE]Do whatever you want. Seriously. What do you mean you need help? Want two weddings? Do it. Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
YUP.







But your FI is right. Just saying'.

BinxRose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:8a58f939-e167-4877-ad7e-a7a79ecacca0">Re: What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to What TWO do!?!? : Uhm, a part of me thinks so. Okay, I might sound a little bitchy but I'm a bit buzzed from dinner still.  Look OP, <strong>you are not some special snowflake because your FI is in the Navy.</strong> Many of us have been there or are that situation right now. My H was staioned in Japan at the time we were planning, but he is originally from WA and has majority of his family there and in OR. I was living in Vegas at the time but had family scattered throughout California and other states. We realized we obviously cannot please all sides and did what was best for us. We chose to have the wedding because that's where I was and it made the planning easier on me. We invited everyone to it and we knew that although not all our families could come, they wished us well.  Also, you can't be married and have another wedding again. Not legally possible but you could get married and throw a party after that as a celebration. No gifts or other wedding events needed. IMO, you should just have the wedding in NY and that's it or somewhere that's DW. 
Posted by kara811[/QUOTE]

Whatever Kara!! We're all special snowflakes because we're military SOs!!! We all deserve as many weddings as we want!!

kara811

Uhm guys, can we all agree that I'm truly the only special snowflake on here?

SouthernBenderAffair

You said it... not me. 

BinxRose

 

CAB1217

In Response to Re:What TWO do!?!?:[QUOTE]You said it... not me.nbsp; Posted by SouthernBenderAffair[/QUOTE]
Good one.

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:76fba370-13f1-4274-bbf0-31a01824b1d5">Re: What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What TWO do!?!? : Whatever Kara!! We're all special snowflakes because we're military SOs!!! We all deserve as many weddings as we want!!
Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]
AND THE MILITARY IS GOING TO PAY FOR AS MANY WEDDINGS AS I WANT! IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!! ;)

divinemsbee

I'd love to offer you some help, after all  you are the only one who truly understands how hard it is to plan a wedding long-distance or have family and friends have to travel to their wedding. I mean, it's not like anyone ever moves anymore! 

And may I suggest you do two separate dresses, after all, why limit yourself. Plus, since you'll be a non-traditional bride, you'll be able to be more creative.

I personally think that the palm tree would work best for AZ, but the pineapple is a bit more New York classy. Thoughts?

BinxRose

bahahahahaha divine

CAB1217

Divine is REALLY into gypsies...

AmandaSC1988

.....Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

ggirl2001

Well op is probably fake but to any Lurkers out there take heed I love that my phone capitalizes Lurkers. I planned a Florida wedding from NY when my fi was either in SC or deployed. In the middle of planning, I also moved to SC unexpectedly due to a job offer. So yes it is possible to plan a wedding long distance. Family and friends will travel if they are able to. All my VIP's were able to make it to the wedding. Oh it was also a destination wedding for everyone except my sister since she lives in FL.

ggirl2001

Uh does the mobile app not allow symbols such as freaking parentheses???

crownsuperstar

The palm tree dress is very comfy! Totally something to consider ;

SouthernBenderAffair

GGirl,


I really have no idea why you would find me to be a "lurker". Appreciate it.

SouthernBenderAffair

Is it me, or are most of the people apart of this website just really bitter and nasty??

 I signed up in hopes of getting some friendly insight on the situation, because I know other people have gone through it and I have not. Do my queries really warrant comments implying that I am  "special" or harsh criticism?

Some of you posters out there, need to realize that just because you've had SOME experiences that varies from others, does not imply that they are lurkers, or are searching for gratification or even looking to be praised by strangers. Maybe you should be  pleaseant and offer your experiences to others... ( just a thought)




 

ggirl2001

Um do you know what lurker means? I clearly wasn't talking about you. A lurker is someone who is reading the board but does not post. Reading comprehension fail much? Go away now troll.

ggirl2001

In Response to Re:What TWO do!?!?:[QUOTE]Is it me, or are most of the people apart of this website just really bitter and nasty??nbsp;I signed up in hopes of getting some friendly insight on the situation, because I know other people have gone through it and I have not. Do my queries really warrant comments implying that I amnbsp; "special" or harsh criticism? Some of you posters out there, need to realize that just because you've had SOME experiences that varies from others, does not imply that they are lurkers, or are searching for gratification or even looking to be praised by strangers. Maybe you should benbsp; pleaseant and offer your experiences to others... just a thoughtnbsp; Posted by SouthernBenderAffair[/QUOTE]
Oh and also I did offer my experience. Did you read anything else I wrote?

BinxRose

 

crownsuperstar

I read through the comments again and I really don't think they were that harsh or mean. Here is the deal though, I can't speak for all the ladies but I will for myself. I don't not think I am any more special just because H is in the military. I just get sick of people thinking that because their SO is in the military they should get special treatment. For example having a secret JOP then a "big" wedding and no one should get upset about being lied once everyone finds out they have been married for a year. I think the paperwork excuse or deployment is a stupid reason which is what people give when confronted with this rationalization. See I didn't see myself other than a bride. Sure H is in the military however that didn't not make me any different than any other bride. I had to Choose between a small wedding with just family, JOP or bigger wedding...etc. So please do not accuse people of being mean or whatever. You got the answer but it didn't appear to be the one you wanted so you tried to explain and that is where I get annoyed. It is your deal so do whatever you want just don't be shocked when your friends and family get annoyed.

BinxRose

"In Internet culture, a lurker is a person who reads discussions on a message board, newsgroup, chatroom, file sharing, social networking site, but rarely or never participates actively."

When Ggirl was talking to lurkers, she was talking to anyone else who may be reading this thread, who may not necessarily actually participate in posting on the board.

In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into a desired emotional response.

Your post sounded very troll-esque.

SouthernBenderAffair

GGirl,

A few things, I believe you've just proved my point with your responses.
Your attempted jabs at my reading comprehension as well as me being a troll, are uncalled for and unappreciated.
Not everything is about you, yes, I did make a reference to you "lurkers" comment but, it was made in haste, and certainly not intentionally geared towards you as a negative remark.

The entire post really was driven towards the one who refferred to me as a "snowflake", it didnt sit well with me.

On the other hand, I did appreciate that you shared your experience, so thank you for that.

Sammy0709

I think you should have your wedding in one of the two places, invite everyone, and assume those who don't RSVP aren't really that motivated to come. If you desperately need to accommodate both sides because it will just break your little heart if you don't have a barbecue or something to celebrate at the other location. Don't plan 2 full weddings. That will be expensive and cause more stress than it's worth.

BinxRose

Not to mention, how would you decide who will have the honor of attending your wedding, and who has to attend just a little shin-dig? One side of the family will be upset.

kara811

Oh so it's me? FTR, re read my entire reply. I wrote you my experience and gave you my opinion.