What TWO do!?!?

BinxRose

Ya Kara, you're a big meany pants!

kara811

Oh FFS. She can throw as many shindigs as she want. Have at it dude, but you literally cannot get married in AZ then again in NY. It's illegal. Just sayin.

Sammy0709

I don't think it's that big of a deal to invite everyone to the wedding and tell everyone from the other location that if they feel they cannot travel there will be a picnic to celebrate later or something (not a full wedding). I've seen even civilian brides do this BTW. It's not like being from two different states is unique to the military.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:ef522aa8-da82-445a-af23-1492a5dd5b23">Re:What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's that big of a deal to invite everyone to the wedding and tell everyone from the other location that if they feel they cannot travel there will be a picnic to celebrate later or something (not a full wedding). I've seen even civilian brides do this BTW. It's not like being from two different states is unique to the military.
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]

I think this is a great way to handle it.  Have the wedding in one location (either or neutral), invite everyone you'd want to come (and can afford, because you'll be surprised how many people will travel).  Then host a reception at the other location and invite everyone who couldn't make it (and the locals who did make it) to that.  There's no need to have a ceremony at the second reception, but you could show the video of your ceremony at the beginning?

Sammy0709

I feel like everyone gets hung up on some things they'll just never change here, including OP. Kara's right you can't get married both places. You can have a wedding and a VR. I don't suggest this it will cause a lot of headache. Keep in mind we've all planned or are planning a wedding or VR so we know the stress involved. You may assume it will be puppies and rainbows but it's not. OR you can have a wedding one place and a small get together with food at the other. Typically I would say no gifts at the second event but if they are invited to the wedding and choose to wait to give you a gift at your barbecue or whatever you decide to have that is probably okay. I think we're hung up on you having two events we see it all the time and it's usually some bratty near child who takes her ball and goes home. I think you've gotten a bit snarky in this post but I'll treat you like an adult until you get nasty with me, OP. No one here gets an attitude unless you give one. The troll comment is simply because we're over posts like these. We see like 4-5 most weeks.

lrh17

My advice was similar to Sammy's.  I still don't think it was mean or nasty...that actually makes a lot of sense to me.

Here is my experience:  I had one wedding.  We invited all of our family and friends who we wanted to be there, whether they lived down the street or accross the country.  Some of the out-of-staters came, and some were not able to.  You'd be surprised at how many people are willing to travel for such an important event!  And for the ones who came, that was their decision and we definitely did not hold it against them.  It's pretty tough to make everyone happy, but you just have to decide what's best for you...as long as it's legal, which would mean not getting married twic.e 

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:6f501ada-842f-4805-882d-1236c8273487">Re: What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]My advice was similar to Sammy's.  I still don't think it was mean or nasty...that actually makes a lot of sense to me. Here is my experience:  I had one wedding.  We invited all of our family and friends who we wanted to be there, whether they lived down the street or accross the country.  Some of the out-of-staters came, and some were not able to<strong>.  You'd be surprised at how many people are willing to travel for such an important event! </strong> And for the ones who came, that was their decision and we definitely did not hold it against them.  It's pretty tough to make everyone happy, but you just have to decide what's best for you...as long as it's legal, which would mean not getting married twic.e 
Posted by lrh17[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I don't think people realize how willing families and friends are to travel for a wedding. We had our wedding in 1 place, invited everyone we wanted to and we still had a great turnout. We even had buddies come all the way from Japan! This is why I said to just stick to one place whether it's NY, AZ, or another DW. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, when we came back to WA after our HM, my ILs threw us a get together for the families that couldn't attend our wedding at the time. It was fun, no hassle of planning whatsoever. </div>

LetsHikeToday

OP- when I was little, my cousin was kidnapped by his birth mother. They went missing for 15 + years. We finally were able to track them down a few years before my wedding. He was on drugs and in pretty bad shape. He lives in Oregon and my wedding was in PA. He flew out to my wedding. If my long lost cousin flies across the united states to come to my wedding, then I'm assuming some of your family will fly to whatever location you choose. I'm a huge fan of one party. But that's coming from my view of wedding planning sucks. I'd never want to do it twice.

ggirl2001

Ditto Hike (minus the cousin story, but ya know what i mean). Have a freaking picnic back home, but don't assume that people won't come. We did that with mine, and guess what, I had to full tables of friends that flew down for my wedding. We didn't expect that, but they saved up because they wanted to be there with me. 

Just re-read what you wrote and think about how it sounds. It sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too, but you can't. Have a wedding in one place and have a BBQ in another. Don't make it a redo wedding for people who didn't make it to the first, just make it a party. I've said multiple times on this board,  I don't care how many parties you have, but at least keep it classy and not gift grabby and don't lie to your guests.

ETA: Also, why the heck would you want to plan two weddings? Does that sound fun to you? Because let me tell you, its not.  

LetsHikeToday

Why don't you have a destination wedding in Florida? That way, everyone is traveling and it can be a vacation for everyone. Or just have a wedding in AZ and then one in Ny. It doesn't really matter.

Irishcurls

I'll be completely honest, I would have have been able to pay for doing it twice. We invited people from 22 states, and almost all of them came. To a point where when we got some "no" RSVPs we were grateful, because out budgeted was maxing out. People like to see friends and family get married, so they travel for it. And honestly, those that are going to miss it aren't as heartbroken as you think they would be. My H's 90 year old Grandmother, suffering from very advanced Parkinson's made the 6 hour trip to our wedding. We were thrilled. I would plan one large awesome wedding, see how the responses go and then the following summer or holiday season when people are usually together anyway, plan a family reunion. Or send out wedding announcements with one of your pictures on it. Email out a link to your videographer's video. Lots of options that don't involve two weddings. 

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:0a24839f-f997-4059-b509-2496250124de">Re: What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Why don't you have a destination wedding in Florida? </strong>That way, everyone is traveling and it can be a vacation for everyone. Or just have a wedding in AZ and then one in Ny. It doesn't really matter.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>People made mine a vacation. It was awesome for everyone. 

</div>

kara811

Can't quote from the mobile.web well but people made ours into a vacay as well. It was in Vegas. They HAD to go. Lol

crownsuperstar

In Response to Re:What TWO do!?!?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What TWO do!?!?:Why don't you have a destination wedding in Florida? That way, everyone is traveling and it can be a vacation for everyone. Or just have a wedding in AZ and then one in Ny. It doesn't really matter.Posted by LetsHikeTodayPeople made mine a vacation. It was awesome for everyone.nbsp; Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Mine too a beach and golf weekend.

Tiddlywinkles

Wedding planning is a b!tch. The experience has made me want to yank my hair out by the roots. I can't imagine ever wanting to do that twice. 

And for the record, a military couple that I met through my FI got engaged a few months after FI and myself. They set a date for next year. They're still planning their wedding. But they're already married. And far as I know, no one knows. I found out and it seriously rubbed me the wrong way. I'm just a friend of therir's, and not even a very close one at that. I can't imagine how their families and other friends would take it. So Southern Bender, think about that.

divinemsbee

While I'll admit to being kind of snarky last night (mainly for the reasons that Sammy stated -- we get a lot of this, and rarely does the OP engage in actual conversation with us), I will say that everyone since then has given really good advice. 

While most people might not just visit wherever you have your wedding for the weekend, most people will come to a wedding. For example, I'm having my wedding in my hometown. I haven't lived there full time in probably four years. It's in MS, and it's not like it's near a beach; I mean, I love the town very much, but it's not a vacation hotspot. Every single out of town person I get an address from is super, and unexpectedly, excited to come to my wedding. And most of my friends are OOT. Some grew up with me, but my college friends have never stepped foot inside the state of MS, but, barring financial difficulties, it's on their calendars and they're ready to party. 

I speak from experience (like many others) that picking a location was the hardest part for me. My mom and I went back and forth for probably 2 months over two towns and hour and a half apart (my hometown vs. her hometown). Eventually you just have to make a judgement call and accept what comes with it. One day, I just decided to talk to the priest and book the church. Now that we've let that go, we're actually planning. If I were you, I would have the wedding wherever you are right now. Especially if you have family there to help you. Trying to plan it where he is might put a lot of pressure on him, especially if you're really into details and he isn't (this is how it would be for me). 

SouthernBenderAffair

Sammy,

Thanks for your thoughts! I wasnt really planning on having two full weddings. I was thinking about exactly what you suggested, a BBQ, but maybe not such a back yard BBQ??
My FI thought even having that would be awkward. I  am just unsure and wanted to see what others have done and or are doing.

Irishcurls

Right, because Sammy was the only one who gave that advice...

CAB1217

Ayyyy, this is STILL going on, huh? I'm going back to my book. Midway though the Hunger Games!!! It's sooooo good! I almost feel like skipping girls night tonight, but I need the booze.

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:a404a87e-bde2-4fb7-9fe7-20ab9717ed79">Re: What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Right, because Sammy was the only one who gave that advice...
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

<div>I think she read "special snowflake" in my original reply and probably didn't bother reading the rest. I've been saying the same shiit throughout this thread, but Nooo I'm just a big old meanie. </div>

firemedicrr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-two-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:60964296-889e-46ad-9145-057ce1bdc16fPost:3ac5dd5e-537b-4a46-956a-cad81dc77359">Re:What TWO do!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What TWO do!?!? : I think this is a great way to handle it.  Have the wedding in one location (either or neutral), invite everyone you'd want to come (and can afford, because you'll be surprised how many people will travel).  Then host a reception at the other location and invite everyone who couldn't make it (and the locals who did make it) to that.  There's no need to have a ceremony at the second reception, but you could show the video of your ceremony at the beginning?
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

<div>FYI to OP- this is what my FI and I are doing...because, gasp, even if the Navy wasn't a factor, he is originally from CA and I am from VA. We are having the wedding in VA and then having a second reception (Celebration of Marriage) in CA 3 months later to celebrate with his family/friends that can't make it to the wedding. A bunch of them that we invited to the wedding have even said "Can't make it to VA, but can't wait to see you in CA in August!", etc.... </div><div>
</div><div>We aren't having any sort of "ceremony" at our West coast event, but will have pictures from our wedding. FMIL wants to have someone say some words, just like a blessing for our marriage and their prayers for us or whatever, but not even a formal "everyone has to sit and listen to this" thing.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

CAB1217

Ummm. You'll be in CA and didn't tell me? Hmmmph!!!!! ;

firemedicrr

um, yeah !! I'll PM you IDK if we will be anywhere near you though- CA is pretty big!!