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Long distance marriage??

JacquieMikeJacquieMike member
First Comment
in Military Brides

So I'm totally excited that our wedding is finally around the corner after an 18 month engagement, but now I'm getting bumbed thinking about our long distance marriage after the honeymoon.  I just started a new job as an RN as a new grad (so I basically had to beg for it) and I need to stick around until at least the one year mark if I hope to get another job wherever we're stationed...which is 3 months after the wedding and thats if I can get another one right away. We've already been long distance for 2 years while he gets his Masters degree (5 hours away).  The wedding is the week after his graduation and the then we go on our honeymoon, and then he has to report to his ship, which likely will be in Alaska (I'll be coming back to my job on the east coast)! Just finding it hard to get excited about being married, apart, oh, and still living with my parents.  Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat?

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Re: Long distance marriage??

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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I've been in a long distance marriage since January 1st.  We've been married for 10 months and have spent 2 weeks together (Our HM, and then the week between Christmas and New Years).  I'm this boat, and it's not easy.  I mean, I live with my parents, I work, I'm in school so I keep pretty busy.  It's not Ideal, but you gotta do what you gotta do.  My H is stationed in Japan, but he comes home in Feb of next year, so I'm kind of in the home stretch.  Some days are harder than others (Holidays, Birthdays, when you have a bad day or get bad news), but As long as you have good communication skills, and a good stable relationship, You'll be okay.  The board keeps me sane.  These ladies are like my best friends, and I've never even met any of them.  We're there for each other and when your SO is deployed, or away from you for whatever reason, it sucks, but I know that when I'm excited, or upset or whatever, these Ladies have my back.  Definitely stick around if you can!

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    BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can understand where you're coming from. Our first four months as a couple were long-distance. Now I moved here for him. Part of me is sooo excited for April 28th to get here so I can finally marry my best friend. But at the same time, I'm dreading it because his ship goes out soon after. I will be moving back to my home state of WI to live with his parents, and depending on if I get a good job, I may just stay there until my FI's contract is up. So we would have a long-distance marriage for 16 months. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.
    image
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    crownsuperstarcrownsuperstar member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    H and I are long distance and have been for a long time.  We would spend the weekends together and when ever he/me had time off.  We debated on weather I should move after we got married but then we found out he was getting deployed and it just didn't work for us for me to move and leave all of the support and job I have now.  We are a the bottom of  a long hill climb but with skype (when it works) and e-mail we are making it through. 

    I am not going to lie, it sucks sometimes.  I will have a pitty party for one on some days when I see other people out shopping, dinner or movies with their SO.  I have a glass of wine or bowl of ice cream or both and let myself feel a little sad for awhile but then I put on my big girl panties and get back to life.  It is only like a few hours. 

    Stick around! I have learned a lot here and have "met" some pretty wonderful people. 

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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-distance-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a2927343-fbdf-440a-81fb-e56371a36a58Post:997d4d86-3a14-40b5-ba40-a17d17d1190f">Re: Long distance marriage??</a>:
    [QUOTE]H and I are long distance and have been for a long time.  We would spend the weekends together and when ever he/me had time off.  We debated on weather I should move after we got married but then we found out he was getting deployed and it just didn't work for us for me to move and leave all of the support and job I have now.  We are a the bottom of  a long hill climb but with skype (when it works) and e-mail we are making it through.  I am not going to lie, it sucks sometimes.  I will have a pitty party for one on some days when I see other people out shopping, dinner or movies with their SO. <strong> I have a glass of wine or bowl of ice cream or both and let myself feel a little sad for awhile but then I put on my big girl panties and get back to life.</strong>  It is only like a few hours.  Stick around! I have learned a lot here and have "met" some pretty wonderful people. 
    Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

    Chardonnay float!!!!!!!!
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    crownsuperstarcrownsuperstar member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-distance-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a2927343-fbdf-440a-81fb-e56371a36a58Post:79d208aa-05f2-43e2-bee6-0283b6f9b420">Re: Long distance marriage??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long distance marriage?? : Chardonnay float!!!!!!!!
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

    No but I like where you mind is this morning!!! HA! I say the best of both worlds!
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    AmandaSC1988AmandaSC1988 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-distance-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a2927343-fbdf-440a-81fb-e56371a36a58Post:79d208aa-05f2-43e2-bee6-0283b6f9b420">Re: Long distance marriage??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long distance marriage?? : Chardonnay float!!!!!!!!
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

    Baileys and ice cream!!
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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-distance-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a2927343-fbdf-440a-81fb-e56371a36a58Post:64bf2f07-7b74-4f9d-b1bc-8ce79a91feec">Re: Long distance marriage??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long distance marriage?? : No but I like where you mind is this morning!!! HA! I say the best of both worlds!
    Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

    I have a bottle of water with me at work (Quartz water.. it's from GA), and it's a hexagon bottle and the ladies at work thought I was drinking Vodka from the bottle.  The ABC store is right next door and I said "Yep!, and it looks like I'm almost out, I'm gonna run across the street real quick!"  They were all like "WHHHHAAATTT?!" Hilarious!!!
    Photobucket
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    crownsuperstarcrownsuperstar member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-distance-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a2927343-fbdf-440a-81fb-e56371a36a58Post:abd0d20c-0063-4009-968b-9d1bb9ec7fb5">Re: Long distance marriage??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long distance marriage?? : I have a bottle of water with me at work (Quartz water.. it's from GA), and it's a hexagon bottle and the ladies at work thought I was drinking Vodka from the bottle.  The ABC store is right next door and I said "Yep!, and it looks like I'm almost out, I'm gonna run across the street real quick!"  They were all like "WHHHHAAATTT?!" Hilarious!!!
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

    HAA!!! That is awesome!
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    JacquieMikeJacquieMike member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys.....just throwing a pity party for myself last night i guess :)  but I think a champagne float might do the trick! lol
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    shan87shan87
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    TBH we all have LD Marriages when our H's deploy. So in that sense it's pretty common, although SamiJoe has the extreme version.

    its okay to have a pity party for a while, but don't get sucked into my life sucks doom.

    Our wedding was very anticlimatic because we were LD for 6.5 years and didn't start living together until 3 months later. I had moved back home to save money before this move so I hear you there.

    Do you know for sure it would be hard to find a RN job in Alaska? I ask because there are a ton positions open here.
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    TeadaCailinTeadaCailin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well since we're all on board the whole desserts and booze thing, how about these?

    http://www.browneyedbaker.com/2011/03/14/irish-car-bomb-cupcakes/

    I'm really itching for a reason to make these besides the whole  "I miss my FI and chocolate will make it better" thing...
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honest question: do you really think the 3 months will make/break your ability to get a job in your new location?  I used to be all paranoid about that, but especially in a field such as nursing, it seems there is demand all over the place.  They mostly don't want people with less than 1 year in one place because it shows commitment.  But if you have that place glowing with recommendations and saying they wish you could have stayed but you had to relocate, I bet it won't hinder you at all.  And that would mean you could move with your husband as soon as you get married!

    Just a thought.  Maybe something to think about?  You could start job hunting right before/after the wedding, and if something pops up then you can move!

    image

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    JacquieMikeJacquieMike member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So Kodiak is an Island with one 28 bed hospital, I'm a NICU nurse and they don't have one there....the hospital in Anchorage has a great NICU but it's an hour flight one way from Kodiak.  I think I will find a job but the logistics may be difficult, or I may have to do a different specialty.  I plan to start looking as soon as we know where we're going, but I'm trying to prepare myself for being apart again just in case that's what happens and if it doesn't then I'll be tickled pink.  As far as the one year thing goes, I'm a new grad which means that no one wants you lol because you have no experience, so I would be more likely to land a job if I could say I have experience and am no longer tagged as "new."  RN jobs are plentiful all over assuming you have experience, so it's only this first move that sucks.  I know in the long run it's not a big deal and what's 3 more months after 2 years?  Thanks for all the support, always good to know you're not alone :) On the bright side, he's home this weekend <3
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As a recruiter, the biggest deal is that it is two years on your resume (2010-2011) rather than a calendar year. Don't ask me why, but it seems that no one counts the months (unless they're looking on LinkedIn, which tells them). I had the same fear, though I wasn't in a technical field (sales). I hated my job but felt I had to stay a full year to show I wasn't new and had loyalty. I got a great new job after only 7 months - but there was calendar year difference. I started my new job in Feb of the following year that I started at my first job. Don't ask me why, but it works. Anyway, sounds like a challenge to find a job right now anyway and some tough specialty questions, so good luck! It must be a really wonderfully rewarding job to work in the NICU! Perhaps maternity would be a good second specialty? I'm sure the hospitals would love having a maternity nurse who has experience with handling NICU.

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    firsttimersluckfirsttimersluck member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    wait wait wait... Serious question:

    Is this Chardonney float thing fo realz?
    Because I need to try this if so..
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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-distance-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a2927343-fbdf-440a-81fb-e56371a36a58Post:b5d8eb4c-025b-4621-874c-0a34f8b083dc">Re: Long distance marriage??</a>:
    [QUOTE]wait wait wait... Serious question: Is this Chardonney float thing fo realz? Because I need to try this if so..
    Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

    I saw it on Desperate Housewives last Sunday.  Lynette and her sister had this huge fight, which caused her sister's FI to walk out, so then they were having a pity party and Lynette plopped some ice cream into a glass of wine and called it a "Chardonnay Float".  I'm not sure if it's a real thing or not... but that's where I heard it!!
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    firsttimersluckfirsttimersluck member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    lol. Google is going to be my new friend here in a  minute...
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