Lurkers, come out!

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:892d7e24-cfcf-41be-85ad-5d05295b00f5">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok the big important question. What are your thoughts on JOP's and people lying about it to have a "big wedding"
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
Hahahah the make or break question on the board

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:895f025d-1d35-4df7-a8c6-644aa4c9efdb">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]another lurker? Fun! I also love Sophie Kinsella. She is high-larious. About the JOP, I really don't care if people choose to JOP then have a VR, my problem with it lies with the lying and calling it a wedding, cus technically it isn't. I also get irritated when some couples do it for the extra money or to be together, because those aren't really reasons to rush a marriage.
Posted by kara811[/QUOTE]
I agree. If people want to do it, that's their business but don't lie and don't say you're just doing the paperwork

ggirl2001

Yeah, I just don't like the lying the most. I really don't even care what you call it that much, just don't lie.

ggirl2001

To the new lurker belle I think? What do you do? Work? School? What's the style of your wedding?

Kanuckle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:892d7e24-cfcf-41be-85ad-5d05295b00f5">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok the big important question. What are your thoughts on JOP's and people lying about it to have a "big wedding"
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Haha, I've lurked long enough to know the right answer to this one. But I would never have advocated this route anyway.<div>
</div><div>1) I know our parents would hate it 2) Our church would disapprove and wouldn't let us do the big wedding afterward anyway 3) People should pick which is more important to them, not lie and try to have it both ways. We're having the big wedding because it's important to us and to our families. It would be disrespectful to our family and friends to lie about it. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Almost everyone that FI is in training with right now has suggested this to us so that we don't lose out on 4 months of higher BAH. We just smile and politely tell them we'd rather wait.</div>

ggirl2001

So kanucks you are a true lurker then! So you know the regulars personalities a bit? Which brings me to the next question. What do you think of me? Haha

CAB1217

Good stuff Kanuck. Can I call you Kanuck? I'm too lazy to add the "le". I am glad you've lurked enough to know this. What else do you know about us

CAB1217

OMG GEEGS! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Ha ha ha ha!

calindi

Haha Kanuckle - where did you pick this name from?  And tell us about your perceptions of the regs on the board - what crazy details about our lives are we telling those who lurk in cyber space?

How long you and so have been together? 3.5 years!

Engaged, married etc. Engaged for almost a year, as of April 9th!

Whens the wedding? September 1st - 6 months!!!!!!

What branch? Marines

Favorite food? Depends on the day.  Probably cheese.

Favorite book? Janet Evonovich's Stephanie Plum series!

Kanuckle

Haha, now I feel a little creepy. I promise I'm not THAT creepy. I can't say I've gotten to know individual personalities, but I do know that you all seem great. Believe me, I'm shy enough that if anyone seemed mean or scary there is no way I would have ever delurked. But you all seemed fun and friendly and helpful, so here I am.  

ggirl2001

Because you made up a word "delurked" you might be my new best friend.

CAB1217

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:f8126d23-1c04-448d-be17-43aa9ce41299">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Haha, now I feel a little creepy. I promise I'm not THAT creepy. I can't say I've gotten to know individual personalities, but I do know that you all seem great. Believe me, I'm shy enough that if anyone seemed mean or scary there is no way I would have ever delurked. But you all seemed fun and friendly and helpful, so here I am. :) 
Posted by Kanuckle[/QUOTE]

It's not creepy, we actually like it. I wonder how long you've been lurking for, however. Any posts that you remember that you were like, "Wow, THAT was interesting". I am intrigued by what lurkers remember about us!

Kanuckle

The name is a nickname one of my college roommates came up with. It actually might have been her mom, I can't remember. But feel free to shorten it to kanucks. I promise not to be offended. 

Tiddlywinkles

I'm still sort of new. I'll play

From: Maryland!!

How long been together: A little over 2 years. And we are engaged, of course!

Wedding date: June 29....officially under the 4 month mark. WOOT!!!

Branch: Army...hooah!

Favorite food: Tacos and hot wings. 

Favorite book: Pride and Prejudice

And as for the big important question, my FI and I decided to go to the courthouse and we're perfectly content with that. And we've been very up front with everyone about it. Idk why some people seem to think that going to the JOP is less of a wedding. Because it definitely isn't. 

TeamBaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:892d7e24-cfcf-41be-85ad-5d05295b00f5">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok the big important question. What are your thoughts on JOP's and people lying about it to have a "big wedding"
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Ok, so I have spin on this scenario.  Maybe because I'm a female and also acitive duty, I haven't paid too much attention or personally known anyone who did a JOP for the extra BAH.  A situation I have know people to deal with is- both are active duty- sometimes (unfortunately) already in the full on wedding planning mode, and some not yet engaged.  One comes down on orders, the other not.  Since they're not married, they aren't enrolled in the married couples program that will allow them to PCS together to the same location.  SO, either JOP now so they can move together (neither are making money off the gov't since each are already receiving BAH), or go along with already planned wedding, and have to wait for the other person's tour to end before moving to the spouse's location (which could take up to a few years).  Thoughts on this situation?

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:186f7a53-fdee-415c-b906-8acf5ec0bc19">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lurkers, come out! : It's not creepy, we actually like it. I wonder how long you've been lurking for, however.<strong> Any posts that you remember that you were like, "Wow, THAT was interesting".</strong> I am intrigued by what lurkers remember about us!
Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]
I mean, basically any post where Geeg or me post. Obviously.

CAB1217

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:708b8aff-01ca-46f8-99d8-69c419dfdb56">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lurkers, come out! : I mean, basically any post where Geeg or me post. Obviously.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

Truth, but I WANT SPECIFICS!

Zimsgirl

I wish more lurkers were like you Kanuckle

CAB1217

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:aa76d35c-450e-4adc-9332-1ab195d4e29e">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]I wish more lurkers were like you Kanuckle
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

and NOT like BelleBaby!

BelleBaby17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:c24ba49b-d3d3-4daa-8b55-195297817d67">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]To the new lurker belle I think? What do you do? Work? School? What's the style of your wedding?
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

I'm a student! Auburn University!!  We're having a big fancy wedding!! I'm such a daddy's princess!! hehehe he jsut can't say no to me!!

ggirl2001

Team baby- I dont mind JOP with a party later I just don't like lying to friends and family about being married.

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:2a166a85-73ce-4449-9a23-5191fbe5e0bd">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lurkers, come out! : and NOT like BelleBaby!
Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]
HAHA Right?!? Like WTF who has so much time on their hands that they do that

kara811

TeamBaby: personally, it would depend on the stage of relationship. If the wedding was already being planned and one gets orders, I would.probably move the wedding up or do a small JOP/ceremony. Weddings can be planned quickly. If not.yet engaged, I wouldn't want to rush that. H was stationed in Japan but we still dated, didn't get engaged until later on and eventually got married.

CozyHeart13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:a383468c-5f03-4dbe-bcda-dfc4ab80cd63">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lurkers, come out! : Ok, so I have spin on this scenario.  Maybe because I'm a female and also acitive duty, I haven't paid too much attention or personally known anyone who did a JOP for the extra BAH.  A situation I have know people to deal with is- both are active duty- sometimes (unfortunately) already in the full on wedding planning mode, and some not yet engaged.  One comes down on orders, the other not.  Since they're not married, they aren't enrolled in the married couples program that will allow them to PCS together to the same location.  SO, either JOP now so they can move together (neither are making money off the gov't since each are already receiving BAH), or go along with already planned wedding, and have to wait for the other person's tour to end before moving to the spouse's location (which could take up to a few years).  Thoughts on this situation?
Posted by TeamBaby[/QUOTE]

Great question! I've always wondered about how MB regs would respond to it, cause I see it a lot too (also AD).

ggirl2001

If you're honest I don't give a crap what you do, or what you call it really, just don't demean JOP's if you do call it a wedding ya know?

Tiddlywinkles

Ggirl: I agree with you.

TeamBaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:fbdd3cc0-835f-4f94-a3f8-91947cbccfdb">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]TeamBaby: personally, it would depend on the stage of relationship. If the wedding was already being planned and one gets orders, I would.probably move the wedding up or do a small JOP/ceremony. Weddings can be planned quickly. If not.yet engaged, I wouldn't want to rush that. <strong>H was stationed in Japan but we still dated, didn't get engaged until later on and eventually got married.
</strong>Posted by kara811[/QUOTE]

When only one party is AD, this is a no-brainer (IMO).  But when both are AD, both run the risk (sometimes very high risk) of one or both getting orders to a new location.  Just imagine, average CONUS tours are 3-4 years, and if you've met your SO during this time, by the time it gets serious enough to talk marriage, both parties are often close to coming down on a new assignment.  It would seriously break my heart if I had a wedding planned then was faced with this situation.  I'm not advocating lying by any any means, but I would seriously feel like something was taken away from me if I had my heart set on a one-time wedding then had to do a JOP/VR. 

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:a383468c-5f03-4dbe-bcda-dfc4ab80cd63">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lurkers, come out! : Ok, so I have spin on this scenario.  Maybe because I'm a female and also acitive duty, I haven't paid too much attention or personally known anyone who did a JOP for the extra BAH.  A situation I have know people to deal with is- both are active duty- sometimes (unfortunately) already in the full on wedding planning mode, and some not yet engaged.  One comes down on orders, the other not.  Since they're not married, they aren't enrolled in the married couples program that will allow them to PCS together to the same location.  SO, either JOP now so they can move together (neither are making money off the gov't since each are already receiving BAH), or go along with already planned wedding, and have to wait for the other person's tour to end before moving to the spouse's location (which could take up to a few years).  Thoughts on this situation?
Posted by TeamBaby[/QUOTE]

Great question!  I think if I were in this situation, I'd have a quick personal JOP ceremony with immediate family, and then continue planning the original wedding down the road but I would just think of it as a reception; a big party where I'd wear a cute little white dress, but I wouldn't re-enact the ceremony.  The reception can be exactly the same, I just wouldn't see the need to pretend to get married.  Maybe play a video of the ceremony, and then the reception as planned?  I don't see the need to fake it, that's all. 

If the girl wants to wear the wedding dress, then cool, I don't care.  I just think the fake ceremony is odd and not something I'd want to do.  Then again, like Ggirl, I don't care what others do as long as they don't lie to family & friends about it.

My FI's good friends got married in a personal JOP ceremony last year (not military, just didn't want to wait and deal with wedding drama), and they are now planning a big pig roast barbecue this summer.  We got our invitation the other day.  We're thrilled to attend, and will be giving them a gift.  But I doubt very much they'll have any sort of ceremony, though maybe they'll have pictures or share a video of their wedding.

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_lurkers-come-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a3490b0f-a44e-4e43-b6fc-6501e3056534Post:a383468c-5f03-4dbe-bcda-dfc4ab80cd63">Re: Lurkers, come out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lurkers, come out! : Ok, so I have spin on this scenario.  Maybe because I'm a female and also acitive duty, I haven't paid too much attention or personally known anyone who did a JOP for the extra BAH.  A situation I have know people to deal with is- both are active duty- sometimes (unfortunately) already in the full on wedding planning mode, and some not yet engaged.  One comes down on orders, the other not.  Since they're not married, they aren't enrolled in the married couples program that will allow them to PCS together to the same location.  SO, either JOP now so they can move together (neither are making money off the gov't since each are already receiving BAH), or go along with already planned wedding, and have to wait for the other person's tour to end before moving to the spouse's location (which could take up to a few years).  Thoughts on this situation?
Posted by TeamBaby[/QUOTE]
I don't know.... in my personal experience, we had friends get married "quickly" so they could co-locate, but still had a ceremony and reception, wore the dress, we all danced our faces off....I guess if you're *that* deep into planning it, it would be extremely upsetting to have to call it off and redo, but I think it's also possible to get married quicker than "society" tells you, kwim? Though, because they got married before the rotation season, they've been married and living on opposite coasts for the last 6 months. And have another......4 months to go.

kara811

TeamBaby: like I said, it would depend on the stage of the relationship. If it's that serious and you've talked marriage, then have the quickie JOP. I only used us as an example because people always use location whether both AD or not as the reason they rush the wedding. Im also not opposed to JOP and a big celebration later on. I know people who have done this, my parents this a JOP and a big Catholic wedding later on, I was even the flower girl. Its up to the couple how they would want to handle the situation. Like I said earlier, its just the lying that pisses me off.