Nevermind

MarryingmyKnight

Thank you!

SamiJoeB

I don't think anyone here will jump on you, so don't worry. We only jump when we're provoked.
I'm not sure that I understand what your asking really...
Are you asking about having a really small ceremony and then have cake, champagne and appitizers after with an intimate group of family/friends?
If so, I mean I know lots of people who have a ceremony and no reception, or a JOP and a big reception party afterwards. I honestly feel like there are very few ways that you can go wrong planing your wedding. Are you talking like a big party? You said that most people you've told want to attend, so I think a nice simple invitation would be nice so if you want to send them, go for it. I had a small wedding, with a nice sit down dinner afterwards. H and I only dance behind closed doors, so we didn't have dancing after dinner, we just played "A Christmas Story" for our guests to watch during dinner. Your wedding day is all about you and your FI, plan your day how you and your FI want it. If you want a small ceremony and cake, champagne and apps afterwards, go for it. If you want to say your vows while skydiving, be my guest. It's your day, Plan it YOUR way!!

All that being said, I think that most people only get upset when people go and have a JOP, and then continue to plan a big elaborate wedding not telling people that they are already married. If you have a JOP ceremony, that was your wedding day and the big elaborate wedding afterwards would technically be a vow renewal. I know people who have JOP'd, and not even told thier parents that they were actually legally married, and planned a big to do inviting people and the whole 9 yards without telling anyone that they were already married. I'm pretty sure thats not what you're talking about doing, so again, I don't see why anyone would jump down your throat.

I don't know if I helped at all, but I hope I did!

choephori

Very good friends of mine are doing something along those lines, just the opposite direction.  They're having a very small ceremony with just close family and then having a larger "reception" later that's more relaxed and for their friends, too.  Not going to be some big fancy sit-down thing with dancing, but rather just a bunch of people hanging out, maybe some snacks, and (lots of) alcohol so everyone can just eat and talk and hang out.  Personally I like the idea -- it's very "them" and it still gives all of us a chance to celebrate their wedding with them in a way that's very "us" -- chill and relaxed and actually having fun instead of being stressed out and formal.

Just do what works for you.  ^^; Worst thing ever, in my opinon, would be looking back at your wedding and seeing other people instead of you and your H!

kara811

Hi again Knight. We didn't jump you right away on the Vegas board. Your original post stated that you wanted to go to a restaurant and have your guests pay for their own food. This is what we said is rude and not good etiquette. You are planning a DW, not a wedding at home. Sometimes there are more expectations with a DW. People are spending money to come see you, so you at least need to provide for them. Posters on the Vegas board gave you great suggestions as to how you can do that. Nobody said you have to spend thousands of dollars on it, but just don't make your guests pay for their food. You can do heavy apps or pizza or anything cheap just to give them something to eat at least.

The question you first asked on there was how could you word that on an invite. Inviting somebody to a ceremony with no reception, or possibly paying for their own food at the restaurant. There's really no polite way of stating that on an invite.

Lastly, please don't make too much excuses with why you can't budget for your own wedding. You said you were about to have a surgery, you can always put the wedding off for that. Then you even used being in the military and not having sufficient funds for the wedding because you are defending our country. To me, that seems like a total cop out. Please don't use the military as an excuse. Many couples on this board wait and save til they can afford the wedding they want, or they have a JOP at first and have a vow renewal later. You can always just wait too. Anyway, I do hope you figure something out with your wedding. You are still months away from it, but please don't treat your guests poorly.

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-out-being-judged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:bd6e5e96-5ef2-44b9-b89d-a6dadb603906Post:bd01a4c5-70de-4ef2-885d-ad27a73e04f3">Question with out being judged</a>:
[QUOTE]I may start a controversy but I am curious how everyone feels about having a ceremony with no reception and people coming to the destination to attend. Those that want to attend are stationed here and <strong>using it as a excuse for a vacation and to hang out</strong>(3 hours away).  We are thinking about just having maybe cake, champagne and appetizers in the suite afterwards. I want to send out invitations because most people that I told about it decided that they wanted to attend. Opinions without being jumped on would be nice.  <strong>I got jumped on in another board and I was highly surprised.</strong>  As I said just everyone's opinion please.  Thank you!
Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]


I would not want people coming to my wedding as 'an excuse for a vacation'.  Even if they were and I invited them I would properly HOST them.  No one jumped on you, let's be honest.

ahhhitsshannyn

http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas

Maybe asking the same questions will get a response. In you OP, you said "I know it is rude" and to have everyone pay for their dinner after. No one jumped on you, just no one offered the advice that you wanted to hear.

Beachy730

I didn't read your post on the other board, but I'll just answer your post on here.  Nobody has to have a formal reception with a 5 course meal, but you should properly host your guest with some type of reception after.  There aer all different types of receptions, such as cake and punch, or a cocktail reception with drinks and light hors d'eouvres.  As long as you don't ask your guests to open their wallets at all at your reception, that is fine.

With that being said though, a DW is different.  You are asking people to take their time and money to travel to your wedding, whether it's 3 hours by car or an 8 hour flight.  Even if they are thinking it as a vacation, they are using their vacation days to come to a place you have picked, and spending it at your wedding.  So you should host them accordingly.  I'm still not saying you need to have a 5 course meal, but you could do a buffet dinner, or even heavy appetizers.  

Personally, I would be very upset with a couple I took my own time and money to travel to your wedding, expecting a meal afterwards, and am just told to come to the couple's hotel room after for cake.  If you do choose to do this, you need to make it VERY clear to your guests that you aren't having a reception.  This would not at all be a formal affair, so I would not send out formal invites.  And make it clear on the invite, with wording like "cake served following ceremony."  Then they  can decide if they still want to travel.  

And while it is your and your FI's wedding, the minute you invite other people to your wedding, it stops being just all about what you and your FI want.  You are hosting this wedding, so you need to make sure you host your guests properly, and make them feel comfortable.  A reception is to thank your guest for coming to the ceremony as well, and especially if you are planning a DW you want to make sure you thank them properly.  Saying "I know you traveled to come to my wedding, so here have a piece of cake and find a seat on the bed" isn't thanking them properly.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-out-being-judged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:bd6e5e96-5ef2-44b9-b89d-a6dadb603906Post:2371950d-5e4d-4275-bd4b-50ede684c10f">Re: Question with out being judged</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow you ladies just won't quit will you.  First off I felt jumped so that is my preception.  Also I said either a resturant or appetizers; I am up in the air. Please let me join another forum in peace.  Thank you!
Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]

<div>One thing you will quickly learn about the boards is that people are free to post wherever they want, and say whatever they want (so long as it's not personal attacks, etc).  Telling grown adults where and how to respond to you rarely goes over well.  And people can easily click on the magnifying glass under your post and find all of your posts to see where you went to go complain.</div>

SamiJoeB

I sent you a PM.

You totally misrepresented yourself, and that, not that I'm sure it matters to you, really disappoints me. Not just in you, but in anyone who feels the need to do that. Why didn't you come out and say what you really meant? Don't delete your posts, not only is that annoying, it shows everyone that you knew you were wrong for even asking.

MarryingmyKnight

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-out-being-judged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:bd6e5e96-5ef2-44b9-b89d-a6dadb603906Post:dcbd7056-48c3-468e-aa83-01f85e476873">Re: Nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]I sent you a PM. You totally misrepresented yourself, and that, not that I'm sure it matters to you, really disappoints me. Not just in you, but in anyone who feels the need to do that. Why didn't you come out and say what you really meant? Don't delete your posts, not only is that annoying, it shows everyone that you knew you were wrong for even asking.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
 
I was not wrong for asking and I deleted my post for this exact reason right here; I didn't want to deal with any of this any more.  I did not misrepresent myself. Not sure why you would be disappointed in me since you don't know me.  I just want to move pass this.