Underage Marriage

alleybee

Honesly. Being married at seventeen isn't at ALL realted to a serial killer... Maybe a better metaphor would be supporting someone in just GENERALLY BAD decision. But a serial killer is a little bit overboard. I know AT LEAST more than 10 people who were married before the age of 16 who are happily married and spend their lives together. It's not murder. And go ahead and have your own opinions, opinionated people are great to conversate with but there really is no need to try and make her feel stupid for doing so. If they get married and get a divorce then they do. It's her life. It's her marriage. She can deal with her own consequences and if they do divorce its HER mistake to be made.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:d1e29be2-86e8-4077-99e1-7ee2c7e0bdd6">Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Just wondering if anyone else is seventeen and getting married.. My fiance is a Marine and he and I have pushed my parents to allow us to get married before I'm eighteen and it worked!! :)  <strong>Just wanting people to talk to about it or to see if anyone else is in the same boat.(:</strong>
Posted by marinesgirl+2009[/QUOTE]

<div>Allley, can you tell me where in this she asked for support?  She said she wanted people to talk about it, and talk about it they did.  </div>

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:957bfde0-646a-48d9-911d-096b1d8d5a65">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Honesly. Being married at seventeen isn't at ALL realted to a serial killer... Maybe a better metaphor would be supporting someone in just GENERALLY BAD decision. But a serial killer is a little bit overboard. I know AT LEAST more than 10 people who were married before the age of 16 who are happily married and spend their lives together. It's not murder. And go ahead and have your own opinions, opinionated people are great to conversate with but there really is no need to try and make her feel stupid for doing so. If they get married and get a divorce then they do. It's her life. It's her marriage. She can deal with her own consequences and if they do divorce its HER mistake to be made.
Posted by alleybee[/QUOTE]

<div>From your pictures, I estimate you to be about 16. When I was 18, I knew 5 or so couples who were happily married at 18. Now, almost 10 years later, only one of those couples is still married. And if you're talking grandparents/older people, times have changed, thankfully, and a woman can experience the world, and get an education before she's expected to marry.</div><div>
</div><div>I also do not understand what being from the South has to do with it. </div><div>
</div><div>I was not trying to be cruel to OP, nor you, but no way am I going to give a teenage girl support in getting married before she's an adult. I'll be very supportive when/if she comes back looking for a divorce. For the moment, I am sad for her and disappointed in her parents.</div>

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:957bfde0-646a-48d9-911d-096b1d8d5a65">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Honesly. Being married at seventeen isn't at ALL realted to a serial killer... Maybe a better metaphor would be supporting someone in just GENERALLY BAD decision. But a serial killer is a little bit overboard. <strong>I know AT LEAST more than 10 people who were married before the age of 16 who are happily married and spend their lives together.</strong> It's not murder. And go ahead and have your own opinions, opinionated people are great to conversate with but there really is no need to try and make her feel stupid for doing so. If they get married and get a divorce then they do. It's her life. It's her marriage. She can deal with her own consequences and if they do divorce its HER mistake to be made.
Posted by alleybee[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh FFS, calm down it was a comparison.  You said people should get support, I'm saying not all people deserve support.  You want a relationship metaphor?  Okay, someone comes on and says they just slept with 5 guys while thier FI was deployed.  I'm sure as hell not going to support them and say I understand and support her.  It doesn't deserve support.</div><div>
</div><div>And seriously, 10 people who got married before they turned 16?  Are they all 18 now that they are all still happily married?  If not, then I can make some assumptions on the religion and/or culture of these people.  </div><div>
</div><div>It's not rude comments were making, it's a fact that at 16 and 17 you are not a mature adult, and shouldn't be making lifelong decisions such as getting married.  There is a whole lot of growing up and maturing to do between 16 and 21 even, and I still don't think many 21 year olds are ready for marriage.</div>

alleybee

Well, NOWHERE in that she asked to be ridiculed either. I'm allowed to have my opinion just as you are entitled to yours. Get off my nuts and go rant about something else to someone who wants to discuss other peoples mistakes with you because I don't waste my time with things that trivial to myself.

alleybee

No thank you, I'm legal. Don't assume.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:2fffbe68-3d4d-4077-ac4b-232da20a2516">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, NOWHERE in that she asked to be ridiculed either. I'm allowed to have my opinion just as you are entitled to yours. Get off my nuts and go rant about something else to someone who wants to discuss other peoples mistakes with you because I don't waste my time with things that trivial to myself.
Posted by alleybee[/QUOTE]

<div>Holy eff, it's the internet and I can post what I want when I want.  If you want to roll up into a thread and play mom and tell us all to be nice, I'm going to call you out on it.  If you have such better things to do, go do them and stop responding.
</div><div>
</div><div>And okay, so you're 18 and not 16.  I'm almost 10 years older than you, so stop trying to play my mom, and just remember this conversation in 10 years and see if  you still feel the same way.</div>

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:2fffbe68-3d4d-4077-ac4b-232da20a2516">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, NOWHERE in that she asked to be ridiculed either. I'm allowed to have my opinion just as you are entitled to yours. <strong>Get off my nuts</strong> and go rant about something else to someone who wants to discuss other peoples mistakes with you because I don't waste my time with things that trivial to myself.
Posted by alleybee[/QUOTE]

<div>Lol. You got us. You're definitely legal and ready to be married.</div><div>
</div><div>*removes self from teenager's "nuts"*</div>

firsttimersluck

I appreciate that you said "negative".

Alleybee- While I do believe that everyone is their own circumstance/situation and most of the time I try to not judge, you're talking to a LOT of military spouses here, that have seen countless divorces from kids that think they are ready to be grown ups because they like playing house. This is not playing house. The military is not a joke. I'm tired of people treating it as such.

alleybee

I just can't seem to pull myself away from all the "mature adults" that want to continue to argue with my so-very-teenage logic.


Haha, like you said it's the internet. We can post what we want. Respect mine and enjoy your day!

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:67aad36f-f8fc-49bd-abe5-e1577075cda7">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]I just can't seem to pull myself away from all the "mature adults" that want to continue to argue with my so-very-teenage logic. Haha, like you said it's the internet . We can post what we want. Respect mine and enjoy your day! <3
Posted by alleybee[/QUOTE]

<div>This is why I don't think they should allow smart phones in high schools.  Then we wouldn't have to read things like this during the day.</div>

firsttimersluck

 
LMAO dnbeach.. so true..
but according to her last post she "<3" s you feel it? feeeeel it?

Also, I'm really sad to have the reality check that being married isn't related to serial killers. That's it... calling off the wedding.

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:354d0458-4e56-4cb2-9afe-c4dc516fbb2a">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, just because you don't support something doesn't mean you should speak so ill of it. If she is going to do it anyways then she is. It's her decision. Not yours. <strong>I was raised in the south so I suppose that's why I'm the way I am but usually if I don't have anything nice to say I don't say at all.</strong> I respect your opinion just as much as I respect hers. I just don't see the point in trying to make her feel bad about it when in reality, she'll do what she wants in the end. That's all. I'm not going to be rude to any of you because I see it better fit to just shut my mouth and be supportive.
Posted by alleybee[/QUOTE]

I was raised in the South too sweetheart, and just because we say "Oh, bless your heart!" Doesn't mean we aren't thinking "Go eff yourself you ridiculous child". I come from a long line of strong southern women, and I know how to mask my true feelings with a veil of niceties.

Good to know you're legal, but legal to do what? Vote? Smoke? OP isn't even allowed to do that, BY LAW. She can't even go to a tanning bed in some states without her parents consent (New Job is taking over my life!!) I'm sorry, but having to get your parents permission in the first place just seems ridiculous to me.

AllyBee, No one is going to support a bad decision. If My H called me and said "I think I'm going to jump off the bricks today.." I would not SUPPORT that decision, because it's a BAD DECISION. Just because Beach's example was more extreme, doesn't make it any less valid. If my 14 y/o neice called and said "I want to get married" I wouldn't support that bad decision either. OP is only 3 years older than my neice who is in <strong>middle school</strong>. No one expects you or the OP to say "Hey, maybe these women who are older, and have more experience with the military and life in general, are right, maybe FI and I should have a long engagement, go through a deployment, or just wait in general until we are both older and have more life experience", because doing so, would mean that you were a mature adult, and not a legal yet immature "adult". Just because you turn 18, doesn't mean you're grown up.

But alas,  I'm sure you and OP are just like the 18 y/o soon to be KU military wives Green was talking about, that make us all look bad. Please, follow her advice and use Tricare to get some BCP.

SarahP787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:f8295bee-4eb1-497b-b6f6-2904722bc412">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Underage Marriage : Lol. You got us. You're definitely legal and ready to be married. *removes self from teenager's "nuts"*
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

This made me laugh :)

greeneke2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:46ed9b71-05a6-4c72-ab70-998fe31dee62">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]  Also, I'm really sad to have the reality check that being married isn't related to serial killers. :( That's it... calling off the wedding.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Oh boyyyy I missed it! I saw this one coming!!!  And firsttimer I died laughing when I read this.  And I also have no idea what being from the south has to do with anything?  We were not being mean we were just not supporting her terrible idea.  And I'm sorry, is everyone in the South nice??  HIGHLY doubtful.</div><div>
</div><div>And you are wrong in saying if she wants to do it she'll do it.  Well technically you are wrong, since she is not old enough to get married, and if her parents are smart enough and care about their daughter at all, they won't let her do it now and they will make her wait until she is allowed by law to make that decision on her own!</div>

Sammy0709

The 10 people she knows who got married at 16 or less were probably all the gyspys she saw on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding...or whatever that ridiculous show is called.

I wish I had been here earlier to post this before she decided to take her ball and go home...what a snot.

firsttimersluck

OMG Sammy that made me laugh so hard.
The 10 people she knows probably are still together because they all still live with mom and dad, or are paying rent via them.. probably the laundry too... I actually know married couples who's parents do their laundry.. wtf is that!?!?
Or maybe I'm just doing this whole marriage thing wrong...

green- I know it was so funny that beach was using that and the chick like.. jumped all over it... seriously... child...
I also love how she stereotyped herself as being from the south so she must be nice, imply we're all from the north and horribly rude... but won't accept that we "stereotype" the youngin' for being dumb.. I hate hypcrites.

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:7eb960e0-4c7a-4473-a31b-dda8b884f241">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Underage Marriage : Oh boyyyy I missed it! I saw this one coming!!!  And firsttimer I died laughing when I read this.  And I also have no idea what being from the south has to do with anything?  We were not being mean we were just not supporting her terrible idea.  And I'm sorry, is everyone in the South nice??  HIGHLY doubtful. And you are wrong in saying if she wants to do it she'll do it.  Well technically you are wrong, since she is not old enough to get married, and if her parents are smart enough and care about their daughter at all, they won't let her do it now and they will make her wait until she is allowed by law to make that decision on her own!
Posted by greeneke2[/QUOTE]


I was born and raised in the South, and as we all know.. I'm not always very nice.
I mean, I can be really nice if I like you, but once you've given me a bad impression of yourself, then I'm pretty much done with you. I love Stan to pieces, but if she came on here and said "I kill kittens in my free time"... I probably wouldn't be very nice afterwards. I just got a great idea for a new TK badge <strong>"Everytime an 18 year gets married, God kills a kitten"</strong>. If I were computer savvy enough I would make it, but alas...

ggirl2001

Seriously, who gets married at 17? I just can't fathom it. at all. ever. in a million years. Is this like the movie A walk to Remember? I think she was at least 18 by the time she got married in that.

greeneke2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:3fad1414-e2e6-40e1-8d30-401220ab0ace">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Underage Marriage : I was born and raised in the South, and as we all know.. I'm not always very nice. I mean, I can be really nice if I like you, but once you've given me a bad impression of yourself, then I'm pretty much done with you. I love Stan to pieces, but if she came on here and said "I kill kittens in my free time"... I probably wouldn't be very nice afterwards. I just got a great idea for a new TK badge "Everytime an 18 year gets married, God kills a kitten" . If I were computer savvy enough I would make it, but alas...
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

<div>Bahaha I second this!  Who can make this badge!!!</div>

greeneke2

Oh and I love that a person with 9 total posts is trying to tell all of us (people that frequent all of these boards daily) how to act on the internet...nooooo ma'am!

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:3fad1414-e2e6-40e1-8d30-401220ab0ace">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Underage Marriage : I was born and raised in the South, and as we all know.. I'm not always very nice. I mean, I can be really nice if I like you, but once you've given me a bad impression of yourself, then I'm pretty much done with you. I love Stan to pieces, but if she came on here and said "I kill kittens in my free time"... I probably wouldn't be very nice afterwards. I just got a great idea for a new TK badge "Everytime an 18 year gets married, God kills a kitten" . If I were computer savvy enough I would make it, but alas...
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just so we're clear...</div><div>
</div><div><img src="http://rlv.zcache.com/i_love_kittens_heart_custom_personalized_button-p145557855883917222t5sj_400.jpg" alt="" /></div>

greeneke2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:fdbbd53f-3480-4351-b2c0-ca855abc90dd">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Underage Marriage : Just so we're clear...
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

<div>Ohhhhh my goodness...I am dying of laughter now!!!!</div>

SamiJoeB

Hahaha!! I know you don't kill kittens Stan, but you popped into my head as an example.

GG-She was 18, because while he asked for her father's blessing, he didn't ask for his PERMISSION. Plus I think being terminally ill, she was probably a bit more mature that OP, and her mighty defender Ally.

Green-I'm glad you thought it was funny, Sometimes I just crack myself up..

calindi

Oh, for f*** sake... I go to try on wedding dresses all day, and why am I not surprised this stupid convo ballooned into this?

And I totally you ladies... you made me laugh several times in this thread!

A 17 year shouldn't get married.  No excuses, reasons, etc. needed. Saying that isn't being rude, mean, cruel.  If someone told me they were going to quit going to high school to join the circus, I would laugh at them and tell them that they'll regret it, that it's a bad decision.  Am I a big meanie?  Nope, I just feel it does the person absolutely no good to get patted on the head with a seriously bad decision.  

In a different country/culture or in certain religions, I can see why it's more common or more successful to get married so young.  Like the Amish gotta start reproducing to staff the farm and stuff.  But in modern day English-speaking Western culture, it's just not a good idea.  Ever.

Cocnut0216

I suppose I can comment on this topic (fiance is former Army)

Marinesgirl.  I'm not going to patronize you, but I am going to advise you to wait.  I'm currently 25 and after reading your post, I was thinking back to how I was when I was 17.  You don't think it, but you do change drastically; this is amplified drastically for both you and your boy because of the fact he is military. 

It's really common for a lot of servicemembers to rush into things because of the looming risk of not making it home from a deployment.  Young marriages, early pregnancies and starting a house before two people figure eachother out is very common and has some serious consequences. 

Simple things like knowing how to balance a checkbook, meet rent, and budget out your bills and groceries are things you most likely (since it appears your parents are still in the picture).  You don't know how he will react to going through basic/ AIT/ his first deployment and how he will comeback to you.

Because the military and deployments change people so much it would be unwise (and possibly mentally dangerous) to rush into a permanent relationship before you two have had enough time to mature with the hurdles and challenges that marrying a servicemember brings.

I've been with my fiance fror 2 years now.  He has PTSD, which is only now giving more obvious/ severe symptoms now that he is in college.  it is a completely different situation (although the same disorder) from when we first started dating 2 years ago.  It's always a challenge to work with him to overcome his symptoms and help him through his struggles.  When you're 17, you don't have the capability to support your developing mind and persona as well as someone else's.

It's not that you don't love him or feel like you have your soulmate; but at this stage you two are starting at the origin and are looking to jump all the way to infinity before you give each other time to learn and grow.  Please don't fall into the false urgency.  Basic isn't the end of the world.  Deployment isn't the end of the world.  There is always time to grow old with each other, but this is the time you need to grow within yourself

Slow down and seriously think.  Good luck in your decision

Alice and Les

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_underage-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c673eb92-3f97-40e9-9aa6-f03d20eec213Post:4a451fa6-4b00-4a69-8679-be0d6b2e9292">Re: Underage Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, for f*** sake... I go to try on wedding dresses all day, and why am I not surprised this stupid convo ballooned into this? And I totally <3 you ladies... you made me laugh several times in this thread! A 17 year shouldn't get married.  No excuses, reasons, etc. needed. Saying that isn't being rude, mean, cruel.  If someone told me they were going to quit going to high school to join the circus, I would laugh at them and tell them that they'll regret it, that it's a bad decision.  Am I a big meanie?  Nope, I just feel it does the person absolutely no good to get patted on the head with a seriously bad decision.   In a different country/culture or in certain religions, I can see why it's more common or more successful to get married so young.  Like the Amish gotta start reproducing to staff the farm and stuff.  But in modern day English-speaking Western culture, it's just not a good idea.  Ever.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>*agreed.

</div>

firsttimersluck

cocnut- (.... I think I say your name wrong in my head.... because it sounds dirty)
I'm sorry you are having to work with the PTSD of your fiance'. That's a rough position to be in. We have a few guys in my Fi's family who are really screwed up now from it, but luckily he has you as a rock while he's going through it all.

I agree.... I feel like at 17 bf/gfs just want to get married to make sure they don't lose the person.. it's a security net to them. My FI and I had been living together for about 9 months before he deployed and we had briefly discussed married here and there, but decided to wait on it until after we see how the deployment goes. Needless to say  it worked out just fine. In fact the deployment made us incredibly solid in our foundation and was a great experience for us to learn about each other in a different way of communication, but not all couples experience the positive of it. I could probably name about 20 guys that have left for deployment with a fi/gf/wife and coem back without one (yeah.. high number but I'm a military brat so most of my friends continued with that tradition).

This chick will do what she wants no matter what we say, but she certainly came to the wrong board for support on the topic! She should have gone to "engaged and underage"  with MTV hahaha

SamiJoeB

I find it interesting that the OP has still not said ANYTHING! I have to say, I kind of like that. I was really expecting her to come back her and be all like "OMG YOU BITCHES DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT OUR LOVE!!! We are *almost* consenting adults and we can do whatever we want!!"

Disappointment...

iluvmytxrgr

When the hell did "conversate" become a word?  The correct word is converse.  You want to converse with other people about a subject.  Jimminy Crickets! 
I'm sure some of the girls who have been here a while are tired of hearing this story, but I break it out here and there for the kids who decide they are ready to marry into the military. 
MH was shot while deployed to Afghanistan a few years ago. I would bet everything I have that 99.999% of all these girls who say they are mature enough for this would have run away crying if they had been in my shoes. 
When I brought my H home from the hospital, he still had an open wound in his back that you could have fit a large lime into.  Three times a day, I had to clean and pack that exit wound, the entrance wound on his arm and the wound in his side from the chest tube.  It was very painful for him when I had to take a sterile q-tip and push packing deep into his back. 
I had to do everything for him.  I had to dress and undress him.  I had to help him to the bathroom and then help him clean himself.  I had to bathe him.  We were driving an hour each way every other day to the hospital.  I helped him with his physical therapy.  I had to make him move when it hurt.  Tell me you can do that at 17 or 18 and not feel like the world is against you or feel some type of resentment toward him.  I'm betting against you.