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Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions

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Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions

  • firsttimersluckfirsttimersluck member
    25 Love Its Name Dropper Third Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @dnBeach

    We have a lot to figure out because i'm still under my parents as a dependant AND in school. and the school messes up my name as is. now adding that to chance for insurance on teh car, getting the car into my name from my moms, and then into my NEW name. and shes not in this state? hmm.. scary.
    The week after our wedding my classes start up for my final quarter of school. No way do i want to mix those two stresses. dealing with the military side of things doesnt worry me at all.. tricare/id/blah blah blah is all easy, just annoying. Its the fact that I have to get my name changed but get my car figured out and my school stuff figured out before i don't graduate because of a mix up in the system (which they have a tendency to do..s o im not risking it)
    also because of the situation with our officiant.
    it's just easier.. but we're not getting married MONTHS in advance or anything. just a week or two most likely. it's not like..a huge gap .
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for clarifying, even though you didn't need to.  I can understand not wanting graduation and stuff to get messed up.  Like I've said many times, as long as people are honest I don't really care, having 2 different days was just not for me.  And it sounds like your renewal/party or whatever you want to call it is in a different state?  So it's kinda like doing a DW and AHR after.  Big DW actually make less sense to me than anything because I just don't get planning 2 big events (not saying that's your case at all).  

    The more you post on here, the more you'll see posters who do a JOP just to get out of the barracks or collect more money, and many times they will lie to their family and friends and see nothing wrong with it.  It just ends up leaving a bad taste in your mouth for all JOP's and vow renewals later.  And many times they will refer to it as just the "paperwork," and try to downplay the fact that they are in fact married after a JOP.  So that's why your paperwork comment kind of struck a nerve, but now I get it.
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  • firsttimersluckfirsttimersluck member
    25 Love Its Name Dropper Third Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    oh yes. I'm very very aware of that. I dated a marine that was determined to marry me for that reason.
    We certainly have no military motivation. the money jump isn't as much as people think it is. we're not moving so it doesn't affect us there, and we own our house already so that's not an issue :)
    I know i didn't NEED to clarify, but i post on here a bit too, so I just wanted to clear up that I'm not one of "those"  people ;) hahaha
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  • roravecroravec
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So, I read a lot of the above, but I'm going to skip my comments on all of that,
    but I'd like to respond to OP..
    First, I hope you don't let people get you down.
    I am in very much the same situation as you.
    Last December, my H and I got married JOP style, with a little lunch with our parents afterwards. In our case, we sent out Christmas cards with a STD in it for all of our friends and families, announcing that we were getting married, but that they would be invited our "wedding" (renewal of vows, with most of the traditional wedding aspects). We are planning for that to be on our one year anniversary (Still waiting on the cooperation of the good 'ole US Army). It is special to us and our families to share the moment. Your wedding, whether it be #1, 2, 3, or a renewal.. is YOUR wedding, so do it the way you wish. Although it is not "correct" terminology, we've been referring to our 2010 date as our "marriage ceremony" and our 2011 date as our "wedding."
    Anyways, we will have a renewal of vows, with H's father as the "officiant." He's funny, he's a crowd pleaser, but he still knows how to make it a serious and beautiful moment.
    So, if there is someone in your life who could fill this roll, go with that route. If not, you could have a friend, Best Man or Bridesmaid, kind of call attention, and thank everyone for coming, then take over yourselves and tell eachother (in front of everyone) how special the other is.

    And, if you don't mind me adding.. "rudeness" comes in many forms, and when you post on a board you open yourself to everyone's opinions.. so, just be open to it. Everyone's circumstances are different. And the circumstances you are in shape your opinions and views of the rest of the world. So, just be confident in who you are and the situation you are in, and embrace it; you can only be the best you.
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  • ESquared423ESquared423 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:3c5b02f0-5b57-49df-8474-073819ffefbc">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE] I told FI yesterday that these types of posts make me <strong>scared for him to graduate and go AD and live on base because if I'm surrounded by a bunch of entitled immature snots, I think I might go crazy</strong> and beg him to consider switching to the private sector.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    Girl...you have no idea...I am on the verge of going crazy every. single. day.
    PersonalMilestone Anniversary
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  • TexGal76TexGal76
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's nice to see that so many have such strong opinions on this.  FI and I were thinking of doing the same (getting married before our DW) and our families insist if we do it, then we still have a WEDDING.  We are overseas and nobody can afford to come see us do it over here. 

    So we are going through with the "wedding" planning either way.  It amazes me that so many on here would think this is a far-fetched idea.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions, I guess.  
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  • SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    No one thinks it a far fetched idea, we think its morally wrong to lie about your marriage, or to get married for money, benefits, deployment, basic. We all have strong opinions on doing those things.
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  • TexGal76TexGal76
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:d62f3aa8-6987-4690-8cc3-1cd9da16e20a">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]No one thinks it a far fetched idea, we think its morally wrong to lie about your marriage, or to get married for money, benefits, deployment, basic. We all have strong opinions on doing those things.
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

    Well, in our case, we wouldn't be lying about it.  Everyone who is invited to ours KNOWS our situation of being overseas and wants us to have a wedding.  And we aren't doing it for money (not much of a raise in HOLA/COLA), benefits (he doesn't get medical since he's not military), and all the other military stuff. 

    We got engaged while back in the U.S. over New Years.  Picked our November date, told everyone to meet us in Vegas, and he gets transferred to Germany so I can only stay 3 months.  So yeah, we could have bumped up the date big time but our families can't afford to go then.

    Like I said, everyone's situation is different.  Being at 2 overseas bases, I can tell you there is NO shortage of local national women marrying our U.S. soldiers.  And many have to do 2 weddings in order for it to be legal in the U.S. and as far as I know the only place to get married in Europe where it is recognized by the U.S. is in Denmark.  So that's the route we may have to take.  I KNOW I am not the FIRST person to ever do this...
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Texgal you're situation doesn't apply to what these debates are about then. How many times do people have to say it: WE ONLY CARE WHEN YOU'RE LYING ABOUT IT! You're clearly not lying so you say, so why are you arguing why you're some special snowflake who is doing it?
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  • SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Seriously?! Did you read ANY of the previous posts?! If you're not lying about it, and not doing it for stupid reasons, then no one has cares. If you haven't read this thread in it's entirety, don't bother posting something that just makes you look dumb. You don't have to justify your self to me, I don't know you. No one has to justify themselves to me or anyone else on this board. But it is a message board, so if you post a stupid idea that is morally wrong and stupid like the following: getting married to buy a house, before deployment, to get him out of the bricks, to get medical insurance, to make sure you're on his orders to PCS, to make more money (all of those have been discussed on this board),  you're going to get comments on what a dumbas$ idea it is.
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  • TexGal76TexGal76
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have read the previous posts and understand what you are saying about the lying part or jumping the gun for the wrong reasons.  And yes, my situation is different.  I only posted on here b/c of the OP about already being married and then having a PPD months later to celebrate with family and friends.  It seemed to apply to my specific situation best.  And honestly that's the only reason I was on the military bride board....oh and all my friends over here are military too!

    As someone else said, it's your day and you will celebrate how you want....kind of like telling a new parent how to raise their kid b/c you know better...see how far that one gets you.
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  • Lavonne83Lavonne83 member
    Sixth Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am a Iraq Veteran of the Air Force and someone who got married in Germany in a German Court House. Me and my Husband knew we wanted to get married but we were both up for a permanent change of station which would have separated us for who knows how long. So we decided to get married in Germany at the German government building and honeymoon in Greece. I would have loved for family and friends to be there but the time frame was to short and many wouldn't have had the money to come to Germany and we didnt have the optionto go to the states and do it. I have been happily married for 3 years and we are planning on renewing our vowels in front of our family and friends on our 5 year anniversary. 

    I don't think anyone has the right to tell you can and cant get married again however you choose. Your marriage is what you as a couple choose to define it as. If you want to have a ceremony to celebrate your love for each other then do what makes you happy. Maybe your family and friends would love to share a day like this with you. Don't worry about what people think. In reality marriage isn't the ceremony, reception, or any of the other traditions that happen that day. Marriage is the commitment you two have made to each other. If you want to celebrate it then go right ahead!
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior First Answer 5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think the opinions on this board are on spot - be honest, don't lie, don't do it for the money, etc.  I'm a MOB and in the military - I've attended 4 vow renewals that had the dress, attendants, flowers, and crying moms.  Everyone knew they were already married and most all of them were a full house.

    The problem I have on the other boards (and I hang out there a lot) is that they can go after a bride asking about a vow renewal like she is tossing puppies in a blender.  Many of the posters are being honest and up front but when the topic shows up the teeth come out.  As many years as I have been  here, I see no need for it to become the feeding frenzy that it does.  I just stay out of those posts.
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  • JezebelLillyJezebelLilly
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am planning a vow renewal for October 15 2012 on my 18th anniversary.We didn't have a "real wedding" the first time around.We would have done it in Germany,but he was always deployed.Who decided that after the legal vows are said,you can't have the big wedding with family? I'm wearing a beautiful wedding dress and having my daughter in law,sister and best friend in my wedding.I think it should be whatever you imagined it could be.Instead of an officiant,you should just say your vows to each other.No need for anyone else,but you could have a close friend in the vow recital.We are keeping the guest list to a minimum to keep costs down(under 30).I wish you luck.Plan it as though you were never married.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:8ed3fea5-e672-40dd-b036-bad1c79d68e9">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am planning a vow renewal for October 15 2012 on my 18th anniversary.We didn't have a "real wedding" the first time around.We would have done it in Germany,but he was always deployed.Who decided that after the legal vows are said,you can't have the big wedding with family? I'm wearing a beautiful wedding dress and having my daughter in law,sister and best friend in my wedding.I think it should be whatever you imagined it could be.Instead of an officiant,you should just say your vows to each other.No need for anyone else,but you could have a close friend in the vow recital.We are keeping the guest list to a minimum to keep costs down(under 30).I wish you luck.<strong>Plan it as though you were never married.</strong>
    Posted by JezebelLilly[/QUOTE]

    Why though? You (general you, not you you) are married.
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  • jwyatt521jwyatt521 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:da00f0a7-1b3e-480f-871f-8b299c3f540e">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions : Why though? You (general you, not you you) are married.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    <div>Why? Because they never had the wedding she desired to have, and now they will. We had a small wedding when we were kids. No honeymoon. No white dress. Now that we are established, we are going to have a real wedding. Go all out. It's going to be beautiful. That seems weird? LOL. Ok then lety it seem weird. If you had a small cheap wedding when you were a kid, and then wanted to have a big time wedding you'd understand. </div>
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Wow, bringing up old threads. I'm pretty sure this conversation is over.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    And I don't think kids should get married. So there's that.
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5 Love Its 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:cec8058f-f512-4db5-970b-99bc94ba4d84">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]And I don't think kids should get married. So there's that.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
    Literally laughed out loud. 
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:8e98dc08-f6e1-4fc9-900a-a32ce45a4175">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions : Literally laughed out loud. 
    Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

    Haha. I giggled when you said you laughed. It's like when someone laughs at your joke and then you laugh but in Internet land so it's delayed!
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  • calindicalindi member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Wow, holy zombie thread, batman.  I guess we beetlejuiced the crazies out of the walls by talking about how there hadn't been crazies for awhile?

    image

    Anniversary

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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5 Love Its 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:506bc6a7-83a1-4005-9f2e-080d531ac78f">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, holy zombie thread, batman.  I guess we beetlejuiced the crazies out of the walls by talking about how there hadn't been crazies for awhile?
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    If there are zombies, I got us covered. I didn't read the zombie survival guide for nothing!
    image
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  • SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Bahahahaha.... 

    Speaking of beetlejucing...

    I'm not saying it, but I know that you all know who I'm wondering about...
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  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    SAMI! I got news on the beetlejuice!
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:1dbe92eb-58d3-4767-af0d-b3bee0534a36">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]SAMI! I got news on the beetlejuice!
    Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

    Somebody PM me who this is and what the news is.

    Please!
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  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Gotcha on fb.
    image
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5 Love Its 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wow-people-rude-vow-renewal-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d85d163c-fe17-4174-8c0c-7f2a9ff866fbPost:4e952f12-257b-4be1-9140-7f01bcdc3c40">Re: Wow people are rude... Vow renewal questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Gotcha on fb.
    Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

    I WANT NEWS
    image
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