deleted....

K&JChristie

jesus people... im not the one telling him not to go.... should i talk him into being in it again? I just really wish she would stop the stupid bull and comments to people about the situation when I have no part of the arguement between them... i didnt know about it till a week later.... I just dont want to upset him

K&JChristie

I give up... ill give in and let her have what she wants. Even though she moved the date just to upset me..... heck maybe i should let her borrow my centerpieces, table clothes, and decorations!!

ggirl2001

Chillax girl. What people are saying is that don't let a wedding come between your relationship with your FSIL and your FSIL and FI. it's one day. Yes she might be being immature by talking about you, but your FI and you can reach out to be friendly again.

Do you really think she moved the day just to piss you off? I mean, that sound kinds of irrational on your part? What did she say her reason was for moving it?

K&JChristie

im assuming over time we will get over it... ive gotten over most of everything. But every time I see her make another bad comment on face book it tends to bother me. Im very competative! I am trying to be nice.... but I cant tell my FI what to do... he will just have to talk to her about it, i will stay out of what they discuss... but i wont stand down if she keeps disrespecting me. If he decides to go and I still feel like she isnt respecting me then he can go alone.

lamoureux86

To the OP,

I could understand being a little miffed about all of this. I wouldn't feel very flattered either, especially since it sounds like the FHSIL is not planning things with the nicest intentions (i.e. saying nasty things behind your back). As far as the bridesmaid dress, like others have said, you just need to let that go. As a bridesmaid (not sure if you've ever been one or not) it can be quite a costly and time-consuming duty (a fun and honorable one, but still costly!). As a bridesmaid, I would be pretty stoked if I got to wear my dress twice in different weddings! The reality is, there are only so many colors in the world, ya know? It's just a color, it's just a dress.

I understand you feeling like she's sort of beating you to the punch by switching her date and having her big day before yours. But I really don't think the guests that attend both hers and your wedding will be sitting there going "oh, wow, same colors and everything!?". The focus will be on you and your man (at least it should be) and you really need to just let the little things go and enjoy your wedding. If you are worried that she is going to "copy" anymore of your ideas maybe keep the rest of the planning on the down-low. Tell your fiance you'd like to keep the details private until the big day. You still have plenty of time to switch things up a bit so your day isn't so comparable to hers.

Family drama will always exist and you're going to have find a way to deal with it in a mature way. I really wouldn't want to start off my marriage by having problems with my future husband's family, no matter how much you think they won't matter in your life. They are still part of his family and obviously your fiance means a great deal to her if she's asking him to walk her down the aisle. Just relax, let the little things roll off your shoulders, and kill 'em with kindness!

lamoureux86

Also..in the long run..nobody is going to remember that your weddings were so close together and nobody is going to remember who wore what dress. Marriages are about the union of two people in love, not about centerpieces and uniforms and decor.

Beachy730

OP- nobody will notice the similarities between the weddings nearly as much as you will.  I can understand the frustration and I would probably be pissed as well, but unless you plan on choosing new colors, you need to just let it go.  Have your girls wear a sash in your other color and make sure they carry different flowers.  If you are that against having the same dresses, then have your girls wear dresses in blue (your other color) and wear the green sash.  You have no control over what the FSIL does, but you can control what you do.  

As for the uniform, there is nothing you can do if he does wear it and is allowed to.  Your FSIL can not and should not demand that your FI wears his uniform though.  He should rent a tux and walk her down the aisle.  She is going to be your family forever, and years from now if the relationship is still in shambles you will probably be mad at yourselves over ruining family relationships for one day. 

As for your responses to everyone, please use the quote button.  It makes it much easier to understand whose comment you are responding to, and what ideas you are referring to.  

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:b483cdde-2bf0-4049-b02c-458eb6d41773">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't tell me my fiancee has a lot to learn!!! My fiancee is a double purple heart recipient and has won many other awards and he has only been in for 14 months! God you are such a f*cking b*tch judging everyone and putting yourself up on a f*cking pedestal. And my fiancee wasn't judging anyone service record, I am. He is still recovering and not with me
Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm very sorry about what happened to your FI. But that still doesn't give you the right to decide whose service is more important, and who has the honor of wearing the uniform.  If the military felt the same way, they would forbid those servicemembers from wearing the uniform, or get rid of the National Guard program in general.  Nobody signs up for any type of military service with the refusal to deploy.  </div><div>
</div><div>I find it very ironic that you are calling stan judgmental, along with other unneccessary and probably ban-worthy names, however you are admitting yourself that you are judging people.  Have you personally been in the military?  If not, then you absolutely have no place judging what anyone else signs up for or what type of service that contribute.  Even if you are a member yourself, you still have no right to determine who earns the right to wear the uniform.  I think you need to take your own advice about getting off your pedestal, because you aren't going to earn respect from anyone if you go arond saying "my FI's service is better than yours."  </div>

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:4caeb7e1-e036-4733-b0c4-27746ec43921">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma! : I'm very sorry about what happened to your FI. But that still doesn't give you the right to decide whose service is more important, and who has the honor of wearing the uniform.  If the military felt the same way, they would forbid those servicemembers from wearing the uniform, or get rid of the National Guard program in general.  Nobody signs up for any type of military service with the refusal to deploy.   I find it very ironic that you are calling stan judgmental, along with other unneccessary and probably ban-worthy names, however you are admitting yourself that you are judging people.  Have you personally been in the military?  If not, then you absolutely have no place judging what anyone else signs up for or what type of service that contribute.  Even if you are a member yourself, you still have no right to determine who earns the right to wear the uniform.  I think you need to take your own advice about getting off your pedestal, because you aren't going to earn respect from anyone if you go arond saying "my FI's service is better than yours."  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
Thanks DNB for saying this. She went over to chit chat and started talking bad about Marine fiancees/wives saying that we're all basically b*tches.

Sammy0709

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:4caeb7e1-e036-4733-b0c4-27746ec43921">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma! : I'm very sorry about what happened to your FI. But that still doesn't give you the right to decide whose service is more important, and who has the honor of wearing the uniform.  If the military felt the same way, they would forbid those servicemembers from wearing the uniform, or get rid of the National Guard program in general.  Nobody signs up for any type of military service with the refusal to deploy.   I find it very ironic that you are calling stan judgmental, along with other unneccessary and probably ban-worthy names, however you are admitting yourself that you are judging people.  Have you personally been in the military?  If not, then you absolutely have no place judging what anyone else signs up for or what type of service that contribute.  Even if you are a member yourself, you still have no right to determine who earns the right to wear the uniform.  I think you need to take your own advice about getting off your pedestal, because<strong> you aren't going to earn respect from anyone if you go arond saying "my FI's service is better than yours."  
</strong>Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Take it from someone who has been there and tried that on MN.  It wasn't even my intention to sound like I thought DH's service was better than anyone elses but it came across that way.  I was set straight and I make sure not to come across that way anymore.

calindi

Thanks, DNBeach... everything you said!  And does that picture mean your husband is home???? I hope so!

katelyn26, you've got a lot to learn about being an adult, let alone a military spouse.  Watch the language and juvenile outbursts - they don't help your case, they make you look like a petulent child.  Everyone who wears the uniform is serving our country - if they do it to get an education, then great!  Kudos to them!  But there's lots of ways to get an education, so they CHOSE to join the military.  And while they may prefer not to get deployed (heck, only the masochists truly WANT to be deployed over and over and away from their loved ones), ultimately the military will determine what MOS someone has and whether or not they'll deploy - it's not a 'choice' to deploy or not deploy when you enter the military.

My guy has an MOS with a very low deployment rate - he'll be a lawyer.  So he's getting a degree (gosh, taking SUCH advantage of the system!) to be a lawyer for the Marines as a Judge Advocate, and will likely spend the majority of his time serving on bases rather than deployed.  JA's in the Marines typically have to volunteer for deployment, so many of them deploy once, twice, or even never during their whole career.  Geez, they're all USING the military to go to law school!  Oh wait, no.  They're SERVING OUR FREAKING COUNTRY!  You know what, it's a great opportunity to get an education, but even if someone joins simply for that reason, I'm still glad they're taking time in their life to serve our country.

My future father-in-law is a Marine Vietnam Veteran with 2 purple hearts and was the only one to survive in his unit, and is rated 30% disabled due to his service.  And all of his Marine Veteran buddies couldn't be prouder of how my guy has chosen to serve his country.  This includes a Master Gunnery Sergeant who has over 20 medals, including 5 purple hearts and the Navy Medal of Honor and has replaced both hips and both knees due to injuries in the field - he was given a front row seat at my guy's OCS graduation as his service record is so respected by other Marines.  If that "Gunny" is proud of a soldier like my guy for choosing to serve his country and choosing to use that opportunity to go to school, then I don't know what you have to say about it. So keep your judgements to yourself and you'll get a lot further.  I'd hate to see how you get along with people on base if you're going around saying "My fiance/husband's service record is better than yours."  It won't get you far.

OP - Like I said, I'm sure your FSIL is being a drama queen, and she probably is copying you.  But the only thing you can control is your own response.  Ultimately I don't think it's worth potentially ruining a relationship with your sister-in-law, so just keep your details to yourself so she doesn't have anything else to copy and show up and smile at her wedding.  Your guy has the option to wear or not wear his uniform, based on what HE wants to do, so she should respect that (but obviously doesn't have to, unfortunately).  What she said on FB is out of line and juvenile, but don't react to it and make it worse - be the bigger person.  Good luck!

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:8bc49912-3f2f-4fb9-971e-92530b68a00c">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, DNBeach... everything you said!  And does that picture mean your husband is home???? 
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, he's home!!!!!!!</div>

kyrgyzstan

Interestingly Calindi, and we could have this conversation in another thread of course, I actually believe that officers should join for love of country and Corps more than I feel that about the enlisted side, mainly because people who become officers are automatic leaders rather than people who turn into leaders through OJT and experience. Being automatic leaders means they have more responsibility, and so I believe it's better when they join to serve enlisted Marines, and not for loan forgiveness or whatever. Because their men matter more than themselves, and people who join for love of country would logically understand that fully. I know that's why your SO joined of course, and I think he should utilize the benefits (I plan to if I ever get in). I have been proven wrong by a few individuals, who did join either only for the experience or loan forgiveness and are fine officers, officers I would hope to be like. I'm always glad to have my personal stereotypes proven wrong in that way.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:8e641bf5-f703-4c5c-8b2d-afa5837f622e">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]Interestingly Calindi, and we could have this conversation in another thread of course, I actually believe that officers should join for love of country and Corps more than I feel that about the enlisted side, mainly because people who become officers are automatic leaders rather than people who turn into leaders through OJT and experience. Being automatic leaders means they have more responsibility, and so I believe it's better when they join to serve enlisted Marines, and not for loan forgiveness or whatever. Because their men matter more than themselves, and people who join for love of country would logically understand that fully. I know that's why your SO joined of course, and I think he should utilize the benefits (I plan to if I ever get in). I have been proven wrong by a few individuals, who did join either only for the experience or loan forgiveness and are fine officers, officers I would hope to be like. I'm always glad to have my personal stereotypes proven wrong in that way.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

Oh, I totally agree!  You need inspirational leaders to guide the men they're leading, absolutely.  I just meant that my guy would fit perfectly in her "using the military for an education and not deploying (much)" stereotype, and I resent that.  My guy is extremely proud to be a Marine - if he wanted an easier path, he could have joined a different branch which has easier entrance requirements for JAG Officers (at least physically - Marine OCS isn't a joke).  But he plans on having a career in the military, and retire with pension at the ripe old age of 46+ years old, and only THEN going into private practice.  Even still, we do know men who are in law school who plan to serve for the required 4 years and then leave the service, and we still respect them for choosing to serve for those 4 years - they don't view it as a joke, just a temporary service rather than a career.  I appreciate anyone who willingly puts on a uniform to protect our country.

But yeah, I'd definitely encourage anyone in the military to "take advantage" (*cough cough*) of the educational opportunities - they're there for a reason, and it is for the better of our country to have an educated military force and an educated population in general. 

K&JChristie

I know Ive been defensive but I took time to read all the passages and realized that there are probably things I can do to make this right. Im not one to bow down and compromise, but I will have to now to try and keep things good with my new family. Thanx everyone for your constructive criticism... I will let ya know how things go and hopefully better!!

lamoureux86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:d02c1ead-de07-4db1-896d-6a8f40141bb4">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know Ive been defensive but I took time to read all the passages and realized that there are probably things I can do to make this right. Im not one to bow down and compromise, but I will have to now to try and keep things good with my new family. Thanx everyone for your constructive criticism... I will let ya know how things go and hopefully better!!
Posted by K&JChristie[/QUOTE]

And even though things can get tense on these boards, the majority of us are just trying to help. Us military wives gotta stick together! Best of luck to you!

K&JChristie

appearantly im in a whole new classroom!!! lol

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:61b4afe2-15b6-4588-a1ce-72c9b77b1575">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma! : And even though things can get tense on these boards, the majority of us are just trying to help. Us military wives gotta stick together! Best of luck to you!
Posted by lamoureux86[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. Good for you OP!</div>

cupcakequeen89

  All I can say is your wedding is your day regardless of the fact that someone wants to copy it.  It's about you and your FI not anyone else, just take it all with a grain of salt, a deep breath and give your FI the love and support he needs right now because it sounds like he made a tough choice. Hang in there, you're going to be a military wife and life is not going to be easy ever again, which I'm sure you already know.

calindi

Glad to hear it,OP. You're a better person for being the bigger person in this situation and not letting your FSIL get to you and ruin your relationship. You say you're not one to compromise - that's not a good thing, you might want to think about that and try and work on being more flexible because compromise is key to healthy friendships and marriages, and comrpomise is very very VERY important as a military spouse!

helenobereiner

i'm a little late the party....

I joined the army just for the military to pay for my school. And I picked a legal job to get a bonus. I then got a full time job in the IL NG Guard (same benefits as AD)...then I got pregent but was slotted to go....I got a different full time job with the State HQ which doesn't depoly, does that make me a POS person and Soldier becuase i'm not deploying?  That's dumb. I just ran an SRP for soldier's that are depolying, ensuring their life insurance was in order....to ME that's a big deal, and even if i don't deploy, I'm still making a differenance in the military.

seven years in, 15 more AD years....and I get to be a spouse of another Soldier....

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:d02c1ead-de07-4db1-896d-6a8f40141bb4">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know Ive been defensive but I took time to read all the passages and realized that there are probably things I can do to make this right. Im not one to bow down and compromise, but I will have to now to try and keep things good with my new family. Thanx everyone for your constructive criticism... I will let ya know how things go and hopefully better!!
Posted by K&JChristie[/QUOTE]

Good for you OP. I'm glad that you were able to take the constructive criticism on the board. Ditto what Calindi said, compromise is going to be a huge part of your relationship, so it's good that your starting to utilize it now. Keep doing it and you will have a happy life and marriage <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

KatyRoseM

I'm late to the party as well, but I would like to remind the OP that not retiring but still leaving the military doesn't mean one thing for everyone.  You have implied that people like my Fi don't deserve to be considered veterans, which I find insulting.  Yes he didn't retire, and neither did your FSIL's Fi, but do you know why?  My Fi was discharged due to serious injuries, and has had trouble trying to rejoin even after years of medical care and physical therapy.  Do you know why your FSIL's Fi got out?  Basically be careful insulting other service members, or former ones, you have no idea what they might have lost or given up to serve. 

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:3868b00b-c623-4aee-b530-28bbc7af0c6e">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma! : I just wanna say I'm so sorry for offending you...I know it was horrible for me to sound like that and I honestly didn't mean to and then got on the defense. I know I'm bad for generalizing it's just some of the people that I've met in college treat it like a use the system sort of way. This post got very out of control and I did not mean to offend you. <em><strong>Thank you for your service and again I'm sorry I got so out of control with my board posts and being defensive.
</strong></em>Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

What you need to do is apologize to any and ALL of the ladies that you have probably offended for the "my service is better than yours" B.S. that you were throwing all over the place.  Ohhhh and what about the posts about feeling sorry for the one girls future husbands?  And of course, lets NOT forget you coming over to CC and starting a thread thinking we would actually defend your childish behavior. 


P.S.  I dont buy your apology for a second b/c AFTER you posted this, you came BACK to CC and made yet another snarky comment "Actually he's not completely healthy so thank you for reminding me of that."

tsssk tsssk tsssk

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:b54c69fc-6b08-49bb-ae54-45e16143fb05">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma! : <em><strong>wow i pity your future husband for being stuck with you
</strong></em>Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

Yes b/c of course THIS isnt rude at all....right?

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:4249a4d2-0553-421b-8eac-607ea5fd2e63">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well he's not and it's been difficult. I am sorry for offending another service member but I'm not sorry if I offended anyone else. I was just defending myself and I'm not going to validate their rudeness. I chose this board because it was non wedding related and just as it's named chit chat.
Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

Some people were sarcastic or blunt, but you were the only one who was rude.

You're a child playing in a big world, and you're going to get seriously burned if you treat people in real life the way you've acted on these boards.

If you think you've got it tough, go volunteer at a VA Hospital with wounded soldiers.  Then it'll put your 'pity me' attitude in perspective real quick.   I really don't think you have any idea what a truly difficult situation is, and I hope you never do.

OBX2011

Do you want to tell all of us to "eff off" just like you did on CC????

Sammy0709

Because the internet seems to give people the gall to say things that they wouldn't in person, I'm going to assume you are a fairly nice person in real life.

However, I would like to mention that the internet is faceless and you never know who is lurking at the other end.  You never know when that person you are offending is the wife/husband/gf/bf of your FI's CO or other superior.  The things you say reflect upon your husband.  Would you want your FI's CO or even his/her SO reading these threads to see the way you have been acting?

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:30f2aaf3-c04d-47c1-8615-6e5cdbc8d2da">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma! : No I wouldnt but I really do tell people to f*ck off in real life if they piss me off...I'm not fake...I don't need to hide behind the internet...this will be my last post...I just want to drop this and move on
Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

So she gives you the benefit of the doubt, that you're lashing out because you're being defensive, and yet you insist on correcting her that you are indeed a spoiled, immature, brat?

Well, okay then.

lamoureux86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:4249a4d2-0553-421b-8eac-607ea5fd2e63">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well he's not and it's been difficult. I am sorry for offending another service member<strong> but I'm not sorry if I offended anyone else. </strong>I was just defending myself and I'm not going to validate their rudeness. I chose this board because it was non wedding related and just as it's named chit chat.
Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

Well. That's nice. Good riddance to your nasty and negative posts!