Military Brides

Intro

HI my name is Amber and my boyfriend is currently in his last week of BCT. He hasn't asked to marry me yet but he told me he bought a ring. (kinda ruined the surprise). but I wanted to ask is best to get married before deployment or after? His possible 1st depolyment is july, so that would be really soon. And also have any of you done a longer engagement? I wanted to wait 1 and 1/2 years so we can save up some money. 

Re: Intro

  • kara811kara811 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    IMO, it's much better to wait until after at least 1 deployment. Deployments  are tough, and for some it's a "make or break" for their relationships. It's better to see first how you 2 are able to handle it instead of going in blind, not knowing anything about it. 

    H and I were engaged for a year and a half before we got married. 
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It's so important IMO for a couple to go through a deployment and for the service member to advance in rank a bit before marriage. A longer engagement is a great idea, just remember not to plan it for too soon after he gets back (he'll need adjustment time). 
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I feel like a hypocrite when I tell people to wait until after at least one deployment because we didn't go through our first deployment until after we were married.  However H was on shore duty when we met so we were together almost 2 years when we got married.  Also I was 26 at our wedding with my degrees already and knew way more about myself than I did a few years ago and knew that I would make it through the deployments.  However, if you are at all questioning it, then you should definitely wait it out through one.  

    It is perfectly fine and actually a great idea to be engaged for a year and a half to save up money and go through a deployment.  As Kara said deployments can make or break a couple, and it's much better to find that out before you get married.  
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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:eab5717a-31ce-4bf5-8fb6-0045907f97a2Post:5a58d4d6-1312-4293-ab44-001985973666">Re: Intro</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like a hypocrite when I tell people to wait until after at least one deployment because we didn't go through our first deployment until after we were married.  However H was on shore duty when we met so we were together almost 2 years when we got married.  Also I was 26 at our wedding with my degrees already and knew way more about myself than I did a few years ago and knew that I would make it through the deployments.  However, if you are at all questioning it, then you should definitely wait it out through one.   It is perfectly fine and actually a great idea to be engaged for a year and a half to save up money and go through a deployment.  As Kara said deployments can make or break a couple, and it's much better to find that out before you get married.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>It's my personal opinion that it's a bit different when the service member has been in a while. He knew what kind of service member he was before you got married. Very different IMO.

    </div>
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice, Id like to wait to save money and he wants it as soon as possible haha. We talk alot about it since i know its going to happen already. I know a bunch of girls that got married on the family weekend. i thought they were nuts but i want a full blown wedding maybe thats why.
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:eab5717a-31ce-4bf5-8fb6-0045907f97a2Post:6b266522-11e2-4e84-ac1f-f03b5f300248">Re: Intro</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice, Id like to wait to save money and he wants it as soon as possible haha. We talk alot about it since i know its going to happen already. I know a bunch of girls that got married on the family weekend. i thought they were nuts but i want a full blown wedding maybe thats why.
    Posted by twiztedxdreams[/QUOTE]

    <div>No, your gut is right. They were nuts, and not because they eloped. Getting married on family day, post boot/basic leave, etc. is insane. Completely. It's the same as getting married right after a deployment. Let the service member adjust and come down from the insanity.</div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • edited December 2011
    As pretty much everyone has said, it's definitely not a bad thing to go through a deployment before getting married! I think it was a good experience for me and FI to have.

    We're also doing a long engagament, not because of deployment but because I'm in school. Not gonna lie, it's very nice to not be feeling pressured about getting everything ready all at once! I'm enjoying being able to work on it in my spare time - it keeps it fun for me.

    As far as I'm concerned, there's not a single bad thing that could happen if a couple decides to wait to get married. If you get married super fast it might work out, it might not... but why risk it when you could be developing your relationship as a dating/engaged couple instead of a married one??
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  • edited December 2011
    It's important to get that first deployment in because that's a trial run of the rest of his military career for your relationship. My fiance' proposed to me right before deployment last year at this time, and came back and did it all over again (that's the one we told people about) so we started planning a year ago, but the world knows of our engagement as of decemeber 2010.
    Long engagements are just fine if they work for YOU. every couple is different. Save the money, get to know him even more while he's deployed, feel out the military community as you will be stuck married to it as well for a few years, and worry about the planning when he comes back to harrass ;) haha
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