Too young?

KendallR10

This comes up a lot around here. Someone being to young to get married.

I once read from a post that DnBeach made (I think correct me if I am wrong) that anyone under 21 is too young.

Is this kind of the same feeling with everyone on the board? If not what is a good age?

firsttimersluck

I think I know a 28 year old that is still too young to get married. lol.

I don't think it has so much to do with age, as it does with maturity... I'm going to touch on just the financial aspect.
I feel that a couple should be able to financially support themselves without ANY help from others, including their wedding. (I'm not saying they HAVE to pay for their wedding themselves, I'm saying they should be financially stable enough that they CAN).
For example, I'm 22. My ex boyfriend is 23 and there was NO way we were ready to be married. We were way way too young as a couple. We would not have been able to afford living together comfortably, paying our own bills jointly, having a wedding with our own money, etc.

My fiance is 29. We own our own home, our own cars, are paying for the wedding ourselves. We pay for my college with cash (I have been doing that on my own for the past 4 years anyway.. but just pointing out that the parents aren't helping there either), we are 100% joint in our banking and investments, etc. We are financially and emotionally stable. Now, my age is still young, but I have always been financially stable on my own, but to be financially stable as a COUPLE is a different story, and obviously we're quite comfortable in that aspect.

(The reason I bring up the finances more, is because no one can judge where a couple is emotionally. I can't tell a 20 year old or a 40 year is emotionally stable enough to get married.. They have to know that. But finances are pretty much black and white. )

calindi

I think this is a dangerous topic liable to get people all riled up.  I think you'd get more honest answers if you posted it as a poll so people could click what they think without throwing themselves out there.

For what it's worth, I think I'm pretty young to get married.  I'll be 26 when I walk down the aisle.  I've always been "mature for my age", and blah blah blah, but I wouldn't have been remotely ready or interested in marriage much younger than I am now.  Then again, I never pictured myself getting married in my 20's.  All I can do it put my own perspective and experiences, and from my own experience, I was not ready to get married at 21, 22, or even 23 so I have a hard time imagining someone who is.  That doesn't mean that others aren't ready much younger than me, but it's just not something I understand.  I won't judge anyone in their 20's, but when someone comes on here under the age of 20, when they're still a TEENAGER by definition, then I definitely give it the side eye.

To be honest, more than feeling like I should talk someone out of a bad decision when they're still a teenager, I just mentally make a bet on how long until they're divorced and back on here with fiance #2.  Sometimes people insist on learning the hard way, and chances are that someone's already told them it's a bad idea.  Or several people.  But some people are stubborn and indignant that they're special and different, so they're welcome to prove me wrong.  I hope they do.  I just don't think most will.

KendallR10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:d926b3b8-583b-496d-8a02-c2c558600e40">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is a dangerous topic liable to get people all riled up.  I think you'd get more honest answers if you posted it as a poll so people could click what they think without throwing themselves out there. For what it's worth, I think I'm pretty young to get married.  I'll be 26 when I walk down the aisle.  I've always been "mature for my age", and blah blah blah, but I wouldn't have been remotely ready or interested in marriage much younger than I am now.  Then again, I never pictured myself getting married in my 20's.  All I can do it put my own perspective and experiences, and from my own experience, I was not ready to get married at 21, 22, or even 23 so I have a hard time imagining someone who is.  That doesn't mean that others aren't ready much younger than me, but it's just not something I understand.  I won't judge anyone in their 20's, but when someone comes on here under the age of 20, when they're still a TEENAGER by definition, then I definitely give it the side eye. To be honest, more than feeling like I should talk someone out of a bad decision when they're still a teenager, I just mentally make a bet on how long until they're divorced and back on here with fiance #2.  Sometimes people insist on learning the hard way, and chances are that someone's already told them it's a bad idea.  Or several people.  But some people are stubborn and indignant that they're special and different, so they're welcome to prove me wrong.  I hope they do.  I just don't think most will.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>How do I add a poll?

</div>

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:1dd65f5a-f404-4c91-9ed1-02558a30635f">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : How do I add a poll?
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

I don't think you can, after a thread has been started.

firsttimersluck

Calindi- I know what you mean. I thought I wouldn't get married before the age of 30. I was dead set on that. Everyone thinks I'm 26-27 because of my "old soul" personality but being only 22 I definitely side eye myself. lol. Ultimately I realized that even if we don't get married any time soon, I'm still going to be with this man. We could wait and wait and wait some more, but I have never been so certain.
The thought of marrying any of my past relationships, however, make me shudder. Of course when I was in high school I thought "we're going to be together foreeeevverrrrrr!!!!!! "  3 different times haha!

I also agree that this is a touchy subject... That's why I decided to touch on just the financial aspect.. :P Most people are going to make the blanket comment that a 22 year old (or 21, or under 20 whatever we're talking about here) is too young to get married, and I tend to agree.. I suppose that makes me a hypocrite since I'm 22 and getting married. But I don't have a single friend under 24 I think is ready for a marriage. *hypocrite* :P

AmandaSC1988

I don't mean to offend anyone by this post...but this is just my opinion.

I would say there isn’t a set age that is best to get married. It definitely has to do with maturity of each individual though.

People should not get married for the sole reason that it is going to make life easier.  That should be the last reason on the list. I personally get annoyed by the girls that just want to marry their military guy because then they will get more money, be allowed to live with them, or because they need the medical care.


Okay…No.  None of those are reasons to get married. It seems like a relationship destined to fail if you “NEED” the other person to function. You should “WANT” the person in your life, not “NEED”. I think that when you are old enough to care for yourself and can survive without your parents for several months then you are ready to get married—no matter the age. 

I see a lot of girls rush to get married soon after boot camp because it will make life “Easier”…Nothing good in life is easy. Why would I want my relationship to be “easy.”

KendallR10

I asked I'll answer. 

I'm 19. And I had set a date for 1/12/11, 1/12/12, 11/3/12 and now our final date 11/3/13. I'll be almost 22 by our date. 

At 19 I could swear that I'm ready for it. but I know that I'm not.

I'm honestly glad that we are waiting. We are saving and paying for the whole wedding ourselves. The only thing people are helping us with is the paper and my mom is doing them for us. 

I truely believe that if you have to be living with your or his parents more than a month or two (Unless its just you and he is away) than you shouldn't be getting married. You are not stable enough for one person. You need to be stable enough for both. 

ETA: I think MD needs to up the marriage age. But that is just me

firsttimersluck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:e6be3831-b6e9-4b3f-a769-fbd4ee958cf1">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked I'll answer.  I truely believe that if you have to be living with your or his parents more than a month or two<strong> (Unless its just you and he is away</strong>) than you shouldn't be getting married. You are not stable enough for one person. You need to be stable enough for both. 
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

I don't follow this. What do you mean?
When he is away I still live in our home... I mean.. I guess I understand going back to visit home for a while just for the company.. But I love living on my own in my own house. Are you meaning like... leaving your house to visit, or not having a house and living with your parents during this time?

calindi

I also think I side eye based on time spent together as an inverse proportion to age.  If you're older, I don't care if you've been together a short time period - someone in their 30's can get engaged and married within the first year they know each other, and that's fine by me.  But the younger someone is, the more I'd expect them to have been together before deciding to get married.  If someone under 25 got engaged without even knowing the person a year, I'd side eye it for sure.

Like I know a couple who is 23 years old and have been married 2 years now - he's in med school, she's in law school, so it clearly didn't hold either of them back from their dreams.  However, they had been dating 6 years before they got engaged, 7.5 before they got married.  And they waited until they were out of college (just by days, but still).  The fact that they were young was partially mitigated by how long they had been together, in my mind.  Does that make any sense?

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:997b307d-f0de-45b4-85ba-63c241fc8c38">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : I don't follow this. What do you mean? When he is away I still live in our home... I mean.. I guess I understand going back to visit home for a while just for the company.. But I love living on my own in my own house. Are you meaning like... leaving your house to visit, or not having a house and living with your parents during this time?
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

I think she means like moving back home to save money if he's deployed or gone.  Like Sami's husband is in Japan, so she's living with her parents to save money and so she's not lonely.  I certainly plan to move back home with my parents for the same reason when FI deploys, especially if I am pregnant or have young kids as I know my Mom would be a huge source of help for me.

KendallR10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:997b307d-f0de-45b4-85ba-63c241fc8c38">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : I don't follow this. What do you mean? When he is away I still live in our home... I mean.. I guess I understand going back to visit home for a while just for the company.. But I love living on my own in my own house. Are you meaning like... leaving your house to visit, or not having a house and living with your parents during this time?
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
I know some girls while their husband is away on deployment go home and live with mom and dad. I see nothing wrong with that. Some do it because they are 21014364296416426 miles away from home and miss home, some do it to save money so when H comes home they can buy a house

firsttimersluck

ah I see.. I kinda grew up raising myself so I'm not close enough to either of my parents to want to live with them again. I guess I forget that others still are haha.. I pretty much turned 18, left, and started supporting myself (school, housing, insurance, investments, etc) with no help from anyone.

You just reminded me that I do know a couple that could be married right now and I wouldn't think anything of it. Both are 22, have been together for 6 years (yeah. Crazy right?). Both are incredible people, and finishing up school first before they get married, but we're all just waiting for them to hurry it up :P
I wanted to be totally done with school before marriage too.. And that's a reason we picked the date we did.. I was suppose to be done after last spring. Thank you budget cuts for not making a bunch of classes available.. Now I'm set back two quarters....

firsttimersluck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:8101301b-e8f9-4857-8206-c7ab71f2a52a">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : I know some girls while their husband is away on deployment go home and live with mom and dad. I see nothing wrong with that. Some do it because they are 21014364296416426 miles away from home and miss home, some do it to save money so when H comes home they can buy a house
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

Yeah I realized after Calindi mentioned that. I guess that makes sense.. We already own our house so moving back with parents wouldn't save us any money. It's hard for me to comprehend this one because I grew up moving all. the. time. So home is wherever my stuff is. Just the way it goes for a military brat.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:9119e50d-fa07-4fa8-becb-4abce20cbd71">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : Yeah I realized after Calindi mentioned that. I guess that makes sense.. We already own our house so moving back with parents wouldn't save us any money. It's hard for me to comprehend this one because I grew up moving all. the. time. So home is wherever my stuff is. Just the way it goes for a military brat.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

That's one reason we don't plan to buy a house until FI is out of the Marines (or at least AD).  I don't want to be tied to a mortgage payment when there are cheaper options (like moving in with my parents for a few months) or just being able to relocate when he's PCS'd without having to worry about buying/selling a house.  It just seems easier, though it kills me that we'll be throwing away money on rent for the next 10-15 years.  Ah, well!

amh04

I'll be 23 when I walk down the aisle.
Now.. I personally it depends on the couple, the type of person each of them are, their views and their maturity. I had my battles and went through a lot before I meet FI, nothing that I'm afraid to touch on - but its besides the point.

I agree that financially - you have to be able to be responsible regarding this. We own our home, we own our own cars, we have a good chunk of money in savings. It's imperative that financially you are on the same tract and are not relying on others to support you.
I think that if you feel you "need" to be married to make things easier - I can't count how many times I've heard this in the military world - you should not get married. I think in the military realm you should at least go through a deployment as well - because they change a lot of things. I think you should be at a place where you can have discussions on touchy topics without getting bent out of shape and that you know how to communicate. I also believe that a person who is considering getting married understands that it isn't all roses and sunshine 24/7 - there will be trials, and rain, and bad days - but getting through those things together and understanding one another is what makes a marriage work.
If I had never gone through what I had gone through at such a young age, then I would say that my age is too young to be married. But it really depends on how you were raised, and your life experiences as well as your maturity and how you come away from a situation. I know that regardless of whether or not we are married, I will be with FI everyday for the rest of my life - wedding bands or not.

firsttimersluck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:7e77ca27-a6f1-4235-b237-4bfa2eba2495">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : That's one reason we don't plan to buy a house until FI is out of the Marines (or at least AD).  I don't want to be tied to a mortgage payment when there are cheaper options (like moving in with my parents for a few months) or just being able to relocate when he's PCS'd without having to worry about buying/selling a house.  It just seems easier, though it kills me that we'll be throwing away money on rent for the next 10-15 years.  Ah, well!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

haha Yeah fi is a BIG investment guy so he wants to buy every place we go. I'm an investment person but I don't want to. I'm not looking forward to moving and figuring out what to do with this house. I will say that if we were renting and he deployed, I would still stay in the house. I can't imagine moving all of our crap out and living with family. I love living on our/my own. PCSing will definitely be interesting....

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:7e77ca27-a6f1-4235-b237-4bfa2eba2495">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : That's one reason we don't plan to buy a house until FI is out of the Marines (or at least AD).  I don't want to be tied to a mortgage payment when there are cheaper options (like moving in with my parents for a few months) or just being able to relocate when he's PCS'd without having to worry about buying/selling a house.  It just seems easier, though it kills me that we'll be throwing away money on rent for the next 10-15 years.  Ah, well!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Eye to eye sister. I'd love to own a house but I can't stomach the idea of being stuck in a money pit all alone and not being able to unload it.

I'm 28, FI will be 30 a few days after our wedding. I'm just barely old enough, IMO. Grad school, school debt, crappy jobs, the slew of losers I dated before figuring my ish out....all things I'm glad to have experienced on my own.

calindi

I actually don't think financial responsibility has that much to do with whether someone is ready for marriage or not.  Sure, it's ideal to be financially independent with smart investments, a solid portfolio, and minimal if any debt, but that seems rather class-ist.  Like poor people who live paycheck to paycheck don't have the right to get married. 

I see what you guys are saying, that if young people are financially independent it makes them more prepared for marriage, and I agree with that.  But I don't think it's even a major factor in whether someone's ready for marriage.  There's a lot of things that couples should be on the same page about before getting married, and how to spend/save money is definitely part of that.  But so is what religion to practice, whether to have kids, when, and how many and what religion to raise them as, where to live, who is responsible for what in the relationship, communication skills, compromise... the list goes on.  Finances are just a piece of the puzzle.  And I don't think you need to have money to get married, just that you are on the same page about money.

I just think the younger you are, the less likely someone is to have a full view on what goes into making it work, and what they need themselves professionally and personally.  I think figuring out who you are and what you want is key.  If you fall in love at 20 years old, get married, and then he becomes a Marine and you decide you want to go to med school, those two things aren't that compatible since you'll have to stay in one place to build a practice and a career and he won't be able to stay put.  Knowing who you are and where you're going and being able to find someone who is going along the same path is much more important than simple dollars and cents.

amh04

I didn't mean that poor people shouldn't be married - I just meant they should be on the same page financially and have discussed where there money goes, how much they spend on X and X and how much they want to set aside each check - things like that.
There are a lot of aspects that I think people should be on the same page about. That I think too many people don't disucss prior to being married. From what I've seen finances seem to be the biggest one that is failed to be discussed and causes the most stress/arguements.

CAB1217

I can only speak for myself, but if I even thought about getting married @ 21, 22, or even 23, that would have ended in divorce EASILY. I am 29 now, and have been feeling ready in the last 2 years. So, I think that as long as you think with you head, and not just your heart, you're ok to get married. My sister got married @ 23 and she was so ready. Everyone is different. If you rush into a marriage @ a young age, or get married because your man is moving away, you weren't ready. That's just my thought.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:1035e626-f361-4746-9106-d6c841ee6bcc">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't mean that poor people shouldn't be married - I just meant they should be on the same page financially and have discussed where there money goes, how much they spend on X and X and how much they want to set aside each check - things like that. There are a lot of aspects that I think people should be on the same page about. That I think too many people don't disucss prior to being married. From what I've seen finances seem to be the biggest one that is failed to be discussed and causes the most stress/arguements.
Posted by amh04[/QUOTE]

Yep, I totally agree.  I think it was more the "they should be able to pay for their own wedding" bit from FTL.  Pay the courthouse fee?  Sure.  Go into debt to pay for the day? Well, no, I don't think that's a smart decision, but I don't think it means someone shouldn't get married.  How they handle their finances is their own issue, as long as they're both on the same page.

My parents nearly divorced because my Mom grew up where her parents would pay off her credit card every time she maxed it out, and my Dad was the kind to spend only a dollar for every ten dollars he made and put the rest away for a rainy day. They had to come to a compromise where my Mom gets essentially an allowance and is no longer in posession of a credit card, which saved their marriage.

crownsuperstar

I was 35 when I walked down the aisle.  For me, I can say that any time before that I would not have been ready. Irishcurls, you took the words right out of my mouth.  My past can read like a whos who of losers and cheats.  I think it took me awhile to determine what I wanted as a husband/friend/partner.  As a person I grew so much from the time I was 19.  I shutter the thought of having marring one of those guys I dated in my 20s but then again "my" right one didn't come along until later in my life, when I was ready. 

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:0f2ce357-5589-414b-a0f6-4e692a3cde5a">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was 35 when I walked down the aisle.  For me, I can say that any time before that I would not have been ready. Irishcurls, you took the words right out of my mouth.  My past can read like a whos who of losers and cheats.  I think it took me awhile to determine what I wanted as a husband/friend/partner.  As a person I grew so much from the time I was 19.  I shutter the thought of having marring one of those guys I dated in my 20s but then again "my" right one didn't come along until later in my life, when I was ready. 
Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]
I got chills reading this, seriously. Completely agree. But "my" right could be a completely different timeline from someone else with a different background and different life experiences, so that's why I don't think there is an "age" that's appropriate. However, that said, obviously life experience ties into time so....take it as you will I guess.

FI and I like to joke about imagining marrying our most recent relationships before ours. It ACTUALLY makes me cringe. Bleh.

firsttimersluck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:d21a426f-eb82-4b08-94ff-4f35f1bf97cb">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : Yep, I totally agree.  I think it was more the "they should be able to pay for their own wedding" bit from FTL.  Pay the courthouse fee?  Sure.  Go into debt to pay for the day? Well, no, I don't think that's a smart decision, but I don't think it means someone shouldn't get married.  How they handle their finances is their own issue, as long as they're both on the same page. Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Hey now. I agree with this, but I also don't think a couple being on "the same page" that means let's live at grandmas because we're young 20s is a good choice either.
And while we have no taking out loans for a wedding, that is still a way of paying for the wedding themselves (themselves=couple) I don't mean that a couple should be able to pay cash for a 40g wedding. I know couples that are pulling loans for a wedding, and I understand doing it (although I wouldn't myself) and that doesn't mean that they aren't ready for marriage just because of that.

AmandaSC1988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:df44a782-a82c-473c-b117-20cfbe848045">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually don't think financial responsibility has that much to do with whether someone is ready for marriage or not.  Sure, it's ideal to be financially independent with smart investments, a solid portfolio, and minimal if any debt, but that seems rather class-ist.  <strong>Like poor people who live paycheck to paycheck don't have the right to get married</strong>.  I see what you guys are saying, that if young people are financially independent it makes them more prepared for marriage, and I agree with that.  But I don't think it's even a major factor in whether someone's ready for marriage.  There's a lot of things that couples should be on the same page about before getting married, and how to spend/save money is definitely part of that.  But so is what religion to practice, whether to have kids, when, and how many and what religion to raise them as, where to live, who is responsible for what in the relationship, communication skills, compromise... the list goes on.  Finances are just a piece of the puzzle.  And I don't think you need to have money to get married, just that you are on the same page about money. I just think the younger you are, the less likely someone is to have a full view on what goes into making it work, and what they need themselves professionally and personally.  I think figuring out who you are and what you want is key.  If you fall in love at 20 years old, get married, and then he becomes a Marine and you decide you want to go to med school, those two things aren't that compatible since you'll have to stay in one place to build a practice and a career and he won't be able to stay put.  Knowing who you are and where you're going and being able to find someone who is going along the same path is much more important than simple dollars and cents.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

They do, any many times they work out.. But those aren't the people I am talking about.

What I meant is getting married isn't going to solve your money problems. I saw this a lot straight out of highschool (Not so much military) where couples desperate to get out of mom and dad's house got married. 6 months later they are bitching and moaning  about not having any money, and soon after they get divorced... all because they thought they would make it on "Love."

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fb37728e-af1c-45de-ad89-50e0705b8593Post:72b560a7-3343-44c3-9dd7-e2f09cc956e5">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I like to joke about imagining marrying our most recent relationships before ours. It ACTUALLY makes me cringe. Bleh.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

Ha!  We do this.  FI was actually engaged for 3 years before he met me, and broke up with her 6 months before we met.  During that time, he definitely had his fun but hooked up with some real dogs.  I tease him all the time that he could be with Carolina (a girl who stalked him for 3 months and threatened to slit her wrists if he said he didn't love her) or Amanda (his crazy ex-FI who used to throw things at him, scream at him for no reason at all, and ended up cheating on him with women and getting addicted to coke... and then 6 months after they broke up, she was engaged to be married to an Orthodox Jewish man.  Go figure). 

As for me, there's no one in my past who I would have married.  Maybe I dreamed about it with my first love my freshman year in college, but that ship sailed long ago and I never looked back.  But I do say that if the economy hadn't been bad after I graduated, I would have moved to Spain and gotten a job there and met and married a Spaniard and had little Spanish-speaking babies.  Instead, I moved back to DC to find a job and met FI, who got me an interview for my first job.  Ta-dah!

divinemsbee

While I think it's subjective in ways, I agree with a lot of others here that you need to be in a place that you pretty much have your emotional/psychological/material stuff together. It's been an adjustment for us to actually start living together, and for us it's a bit different because we're on a he's younger and I'm the older one age difference. He's a little less realistic when it comes to things like money and saving it, and I have lived in the real world long before this, so we've had some really good conversations about it. Such as, of course we want to save money, but when there are expenses to pay, maybe you can't put 20% of your paycheck into savings this month because money in savings does us no good if we have no groceries and have to eat out.

I'll admit, I generally work retail and/or data entry jobs that once might say I'm overqualified for, but with the economy the way it is and the job market we live in, it's what I can get to pay my own bills and put money towards the wedding stuff.

shan87

I agree with bits and pieces of each person. For us we were ready. My relationship advice for people is date someone for a year, if you can't see yourself marrying them after that year get out. But I don't really have a rule for length......

H and I dated for over 7 years before we got married, I was 23 he was 24. So far it's working :-p. Our saving grace was H moving away right at the begining. I was still 17 and he was 18 and no I didn't want to marry him, I wanted to move to the big city and go to College. We spent over 6 years LD, so it was our norm. We waited until we were both done with school and H was done with most of his training.

I don't look so much at my past because we were both each other's first serious relationship, but I look at what we have gone through together. It just so happen we hit the jackpot our first try

LetsHikeToday

First- I realllllllly like you and I had NO idea you were 22 until you said it because your posts sound so mature so I don't want you to take my post the wrong way :-)

I think there are girls like First who are young when they get married (22 in young to me) and it works out for them but I think they are exception to the rule... not the rule.

I'm 29 and thank god I waited this long to get married. I am so different than who I was even 2 years ago. A marriage would have never worked for me.

I think someone should be out of school and in the work force before they get married. I think living on your own is important too. I have lived 4 hours from my parents for 7 years so I've become fiercely independent.

But like I said, there is the rule and the exception to the rule. You'll always find people younger than I think should get married who get married and have a happy and successful marriage.

firsttimersluck

haha Hike no offense taken. I know that we're speaking "in general" so I try not to take these things offensively... Besides I called myself a hypocrite earlier in this thread for that very reason. :P